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Strider’s Steroidal Tits Overwhelm Day One Fiji!

Derek Rielly

by Derek Rielly

Kelly is deposited into round two (so what's new!), Gabriel makes a sharpish return and we gaze at Strider's attack dog tits!

There’s this thing about sports where every day of an event has to be wrapped in a hero narrative or, if you really can’t be fucked, a listicle. The hero narrative features the hand of god (Snapper), premonitions of victory (Brazil) and the Sea Biscuit effect (whenever Bede wins a couple of heats in a row). Very hard to write (skill, labour, inspiration) and the author almost always has to actually be at the event. Surfing World’s Sean Doherty is particularly good at these.

(Click here) 

The listicle is just a series of unrelated events in point form. Easy to sling together, just scrape a tiny bit of  goop from the webcast, and even quicker to read.

I’m a listicle kind of guy. I find the first three days of a pro event peculiarly laborious: all those sportsmen, all those heats, all those waves, all that judging, so precise and to one thousandth of a point, but… no one loses!  A day-long warmup. A bureaucratic shuffle. A slight arrangement of the chairs on the lido deck. Even better than a listicle, of course, is the video form.

Highlights! In one minute! Like this:

…and did you know CJ Hobgood is retiring? A butterfly among the sand spurs. How we’ll miss!

Quote of the day: “I’ve never seen so many floaters in one round!” Ross Williams.

Fiji Pro Round 1 Results:

Heat 1: Alejo Muniz (BRA) 12.20, Kolohe Andino (USA) 11.54, Kelly Slater (USA) 11.37

Heat 2: Taj Burrow (AUS) 12.33, Matt Banting (AUS) 11.13, Aritz Aranburu (ESP) 10.50

Heat 3: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 13.84, Jay Davies (AUS) 13.17, Josh Kerr (AUS) 5.07

Heat 4: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 15.16, Dane Reynolds (USA) 8.53,  Filipe Toledo (BRA) 8.50

Heat 5: Mick Fanning (AUS) 13.77, Ricardo Christie (NZL) 9.26, Aca Ravulo (FJI) 5.40

Heat 6: Kai Otton (AUS) 15.60, Adriano de Souza (BRA) 8.86, Inia Nakalevu (FJI) 5.30

Heat 7: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 17.13, Jeremy Flores (FRA) 13.93, C.J. Hobgood (USA) 10.67

Heat 8: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 14.00, Owen Wright (AUS) 13.67, Dusty Payne (HAW) 7.50

Heat 9: Nat Young (USA) 13.00, Miguel Pupo (BRA) 11.57, Glenn Hall (IRL) 10.77

Heat 10: Jadson Andre (BRA) 15.17, Adam Melling (AUS) 14.60, Julian Wilson (AUS) 11.34

Heat 11: Keanu Asing (HAW) 11.50, Bede Durbidge (AUS) 10.93, Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 6.33

Heat 12: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 15.97, Joel Parkinson (AUS) 15.20, Fredrick Patacchia (HAW) 11.47

Fiji Pro Round 2 Match-Ups:

Heat 1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Inia Nakalevu (FJI)

Heat 2: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Aca Ravulo (FJI)

Heat 3: Josh Kerr (AUS) vs. Dane Reynolds (USA)

Heat 4: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Jay Davies (AUS)

Heat 5: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Aritz Aranburu (ESP)

Heat 6: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. C.J. Hobgood (USA)

Heat 7: Bede Durbidge (AUS) vs. Dusty Payne (HAW)

Heat 8: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Glenn Hall (IRL)

Heat 9: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) vs. Adam Melling (AUS)

Heat 10: Miguel Pupo (BRA) vs. Fredrick Patacchia (HAW)

Heat 11: Jeremy Flores (AUS) vs. Ricard Christie (NZL)

Heat 12: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Matt Banting (AUS)

 

Turn your dial to this frequency tomorrow morning for more! (Click here!) 

 

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