Forecast: Brazilian Storm broken?

Blonde skies peek through brunette clouds!

First I must say, as someone who occasionally introduces himself as a “surf journalist” at parties, that Longtom’s coverage of the 2016 Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast would win the Graham Stapelberg Award for Excellence in Reporting™ if we had such a thing. We don’t. Surf journalists go unloved, at best, gratingly tolerated, mostly, despised, sometimes.

But maybe we surf journalists should form an academy? Longtom are you in? Nick Carroll? Matt Warshaw, of course you, and who else should be included? Who are the greatest living surf journalists? Yes, we will form an academy and next year bring you the Graham Stapelberg Award for Excellence in Reporting™ but let’s first talk about the weather!

Filipe Toledo’s injury is a massive blow and could it be possible that the Brazilian Storm has finally broken? The system was set to push squall after squall for the foreseeable future. First Gabe then ADS then, I thought for sure Filipe, then Gabe again then Italo then Filipe then Filipe then Ciao then Filipe etc.

With Filipe’s injury, though, is there going to be a shift in pattern? Just look at the top ten. Dirty blonde, blonde, injured, blonde, ADS, Australian brunette, permed blonde, blonde, Ciao, Japanese American.

I can’t imagine another ADS jog, can you? Gabe maybe but Filipe seemed like the one to run wire to wire but with his being erased will Kolohe win it all? JJF? Disco Stu Kennedy? Parko? And if a non Brazilian wins will another non Brazilian slip in behind him? Will Brazil lose its footing? Will the clouds part never to reform with such strength again?


Filipe Toledo
Florence's Human, all too Human strategy to defeat Toledo had the weight of prophecy, except it was Wilko who would reap the reward of Toledo's mistake and injury. Just like that the seemingly undefeatable Toledo was being carried up the beach and then bundled into a black SUV with Dickie Toledo behind the wheel looking as solemn as Marlon Brando in the Godfather. | Photo: WSL

WSL: The Best (Worst) Game on Earth?

Wilko wins Quiksilver Pro, Stu Kennedy highballed, Filipe withdraws from Bells, Margs…

The heavens opened in Lennox last night. Like the rest of the town I was awake, wandering the rainy streets looking for signs and portents, greeting my fellow night-walkers, heads hunched low in raincoats, with the sign of the cross.

Babies are slapped on the arse at birth and have their necks broken so they can’t look left. For baptism they are rolled on the barnacles until a bloody mess and are lovingly taught their first words: “fuck off cunt”.

You’ve never been to Lennox? Don’t come. We hate tourists. I’ll paint you a sketch so you can taste it’s sweet fruits vicariously. Basically, it’s Paradise on Earth for the working man and woman. Big volcanic headland, sand-bottom point that breaks from two foot to as big as it gets. Warm water all year round.

Babies are slapped on the arse at birth and have their necks broken so they can’t look left. For baptism they are rolled on the barnacles until a bloody mess and are lovingly taught their first words: “fuck off cunt”.

We like fights, sharks, lawnmowers and mixing drink and drugs. Contrary to popular opinion we are an entrepeneurial race: Lennox Heads has the second highest number of successful lawn-mowing franchisees in the southern hemisphere. Luckily this was able to supplant the towns earlier industry of pot growing which was destroyed by the war on drugs. Funnily enough we are also, in the pro surfing space at least, at the vanguard of neuro-science. More on that later.

One of the (many) beefs I’ve had with Nick Carroll over the years concerns his deference to the superiority of WSL top 34 and the inferiority of the local “king of the Point”. Whenever I argued for the unknown surfer, I had Stu Kennedy in mind. This guy is 26.

Are we now expected to believe that this guy who has just beaten the best of the best has materialised out of the Lennox ether as a barely sponsored family man and fully formed top three surfer?

Or is there something rotten in the QS system and the whole industry paradigm of casting ripe on the vine surfers into the compost heap because they have red hair (Bede) or can’t shift product or like to speak their mind (Stu Kennedy) effectively cruelling careers before they begin?

It was quite a shock to see commenters, even moderators, calling the event and the surfing lame. It didn’t seem like it at the beach. It made me reflect on emotion and perspective. Beachside, as the QF between JJF and Stu came down to the final minute the collective mood in the crowd was hyper-intense.

In fact, judges seemed in thrall to the emotional force of the crowd and highballed Stu Kennedy. Looking back at the ride on the heat analyser minus the psychic impact and it looks thin and implausible. Such is life. I thought JJF had neutralised Kennedy’s aggression with passivity. There was a sense that Stu might have exhausted his reservoir of aggressive energy against a passive opponent.

I was embedded in the Stu Crew, with brother, mother, wife, manager and entourage. People were shaking, levitating as Stu rode the final wave.

“Did he get it?” I asked the manager.

He looked over his shoulder at me as he ran down the beach”…nah”.

But he did.

In fact, judges seemed in thrall to the emotional force of the crowd and highballed him. Looking back at the ride on the heat analyser minus the psychic impact and it looks thin and implausible. Such is life. I thought JJF had neutralised Kennedy’s aggression with passivity. There was a sense that Stu might have exhausted his reservoir of aggressive energy against a passive opponent.

But in the end, passivity was trumped by emotion. It was weird feeling the crowd go silent during a JJF ride, as if to downplay it to the judges. As a collective crowd strategy it worked.

Florence’s human, all too human strategy to defeat Toledo had the weight of prophecy, except it was Wilko who would reap the reward of Toledo’s mistake and injury. Just like that the seemingly undefeatable Toledo was being carried up the beach and then bundled into a black SUV with Dickie Toledo behind the wheel looking as solemn as Marlon Brando in the Godfather.

Half of Lennox head stood in the rain to push their boy through. But the Stu K engine was spluttering. The falls became more crucial and a not very pretty Kolohe squeezed him out. The margin closer than it looked from the beach. A pro surfing speciality: the two best surfers knocked out before the final.

I couldn’t deal with the anti-climax. Like Deathstar said to me yesterday, “Why do we even watch this shit? It has nothing to do with us and what we do as surfers”. Fascination had turned to contempt.

I was still fizzing from the WSL playing hardball with the Grit over the content and blackballing their Facebook page. Remember when the surf companies started treating their core with contempt? We know how that movie ended. Dave Prodan had emailed me when I said I would kick him in the nuts and said he had nothing to do with the social media or partnership terms of the WSL. I asked him why the WSL was pursuing such a counterproductive strategy of playing hardball with content? Why kick those in the teeth who are covering “your” sport. At time of writing, there was no response.

I hit the road before the final started. Maybe I’ll get the last five minutes with Deathstar I thought. It was finished as I pulled back in front of his surf shop. Scrappy, uninspiring was his summation. Don’t get me wrong, I love Wilko, but that stance has got a bit extreme, he could at least have the decency to tuck the back leg in a little. It’s scaring the kiddies.

Oh yeah. The neuro-science. I couldn’t get much sense out of Stu in the moments after the loss. He was with his family and his people, everyone was coming back down to Earth after a pretty wild ride. But I did get a few moments with the manager, a man at the forefront of sports performance in a new field called neuro-performance.

It involves rigging the athlete up to their own EEG monitor and measuring and then changing via neuro-plasticity the thoughts and action pathways in the brain, leading to improved peak performance. You wondered why Stu was able to bring the noise at such a high level, well, it had a little more to do than the environment of Lennox Head.

Roll on Bells. Will Slater show up or will this be the start of the biggest slow motion train wreck of a late career in sporting history? I can see him two or three years down the track arguing with the jetski security in the line-up.

“I’m Kelly fucking Slater dude. I’m here to surf”

“Move along mate, before you end up in the pen for the night. It’s over Kelly.”

I can never figure out whether this is the greatest or the worst sport on Earth.

Editor’s note: Filipe Toledo just withdrew from the Bells and Margaret River events. “I’ve pulled a groin muscle doing an air… so I’ll go back home and do some physio and get ready for Rio.”

Watch how he did it here.

 

 


Rob Machado surf retreat
Can you imagine hoisting Rob Machado on your shoulders while Tim Curran sings sad songs on his little guitar, Damien Hobgood makes wisecracks from the edge of the infinity pool dressed in his extra long trunks, and noted photographer Tom Servais records it all for future generations to marvel at? | Photo: The Cape/Thompson Hotels

Gimme: $1000-per-night surf retreat!

A Cabo vay-cay with Damo Hobgood, Rob Machado and Tim Curran!

Did you know that Rob Machado and Tim Curran have their own travel company called Mansa Vida?

Tim Curran, the pioneer of the alley-oop twenty years ago, as well as being a noted minstrel, describes it as “a travel adventure production company offering Day In The Life inspired events and trips around the world with us and some of our friends. We wanted to be able to share our experiences and stories of our travels, and also include music, art, photography and film.”

The first event is a one-thousand-dollar-a-day, three-or-five-day vay-cay with Rob and Tim as well as Damien Hobgood and the noted photographer Tom Servais at the dazzling Javier Sánchez-designed hotel, The Cape, in Cabo San Lucas.

Shall we examine the details?

  • Three Nights at The Cape, a Thompson Hotel – room options vary; can include but not limited to:
    • The Surfer Villa – a three-bedroom, two-story luxury villa with a fully-equipped, state-of-the-art kitchen; gaming room with pool table; expansive, private outdoor patio with a plunge pool and barbecue; and sauna
    • Deluxe King Suite – featuring a private balcony with hanging daybed; bespoke mid-century, Latin American-inspired furnishings; free-standing, copper-leafed tub and rain shower
  • Surfing Workshop with Curran and Hobgood – guests will hit the waves side-by-side with Curran and Hobgood, where they can test out the pros’ surfboards and experience hands-on coaching; pending surf conditions and open to surfers of all levels
  • Film Screenings on The Rooftop – cult surf films will be screened at the sixth-story rooftop lounge overlooking the Sea of Cortez and downtown Cabos San Lucas; followed by Q&A session with the pros discussing the art and craftsmanship of this niche genre
  • Photography Exhibit with Tom Servais – led by the renowned surf photographer, guests will view a collection of iconic surf images taken by Servais over the last few decades; followed by a Q&A session with Servais on capturing the culture and action of the sport
  • Live Acoustic Concert on The Rooftop – led by singer/songwriter Curran, guests will enjoy a live acoustic show at the hotel’s rooftop lounge
  • Daily Morning Yoga – often a fundamental part of surf culture, each day will begin with beachside yoga classes led by a resident teacher
  • Daily Breakfast – hosted breakfast at the resort’s casual beach-house inspired restaurant Ledge, complete with ocean views and fresh local produce
  • Surf SWAG – guests will receive assorted sporting gear from the pros’ sponsors
  • Roundtrip Airport Transfer – from San Jose del Cabo airport

According to Travel Weekly, packages “start at $3,981 for three nights in a double occupancy room… An optional five-night package in a double occupancy room is available for $5,920. Rates do not include tax and resort fees.”


Albee Layer
"Contests bring out the best surfing out of some people," says Albee, "and kinda suffocate others true potential (JJF)." | Photo: WSL

Just in: Albee Layer vs Quiksilver Pro!

"Why does everyone have a hard-on for people surfing at 70%?"

Do you like opinion? Of course you do. Who doesn’t? But the avoidance of anything resembling opinion has become a fetish in the surf world.

If you were to scroll through as many BeachGrit posts as you could stomach, you would find it all pretty tame, a squabble here and there, a few high words, some cheap jokes, not much else. But the angry scenes! The recriminations!

A “veteran” or anyone barely throwing tail is not progression it’s the opposite it’s moving backwards.

Isn’t humour and satire and real talk compensation for the drizzly dreariness of our lives?

Let’s ask Albee Layer, the noted Maui surfer, for his opinion on the Quiksilver Pro, 2016.

On his always mouthy IG account he writes, “Thoughts from first CT event at Snapper.

  1. Why the f**k does everyone have a hard-on for people surfing at 70% surfing won’t progress any where like that.
  2. 80% of people on and running CT don’t understand the difference between different airs. A full rotation, an air reverse, a single grab a double grab are all vastly different and are not on the same level of difficulty. Also landings should matter
  3. A “veteran” or anyone barely throwing tail is not progression it’s the opposite it’s moving backwards.
  4. Contests bring out the best out of some people and kind of suffocate others true potential (JJF).”

What are Albee’s credentials for such criticisms? See below.

 

 


Two guys look like Finalists. One is the defending champion and one is a part-timer from Lennox who racked up a hell of a credit card debt chasing the QS after Rip Curl dumped him in his prime. Is he aggressive in the surf, does he take his and yours as well, ala Fanning at the Superbank? Not at all. He's the most mellow cat out there. No interview today but tomorrow we'll get down with the Stu and see where the declarations of war come from. Throw a question in the comments and I'll get it to him. | Photo: WSL

Quiksilver Pro: “Stu K v Toledo final!”

Prediction: defending champ vs lawnmower man from Lennox Head… 

Human all too Human. 

The dream continues. Great day for the race. Putin pulls out of Syria, Ohio and Florida primaries tomorrow, Stu Kennedy continues his run in the biggest pro surfing cinderella story since…since… the last time a highly fancied sponnoed surfer was parachuted into a comp as wildcard and failed miserably. So, ever.

Not a single military analyst saw Putin’s exit from Syria, same with Kennedy’s wrecking ball run through the draw. Not one commenter picked it, least of all me, and he lives around the corner. Couple of weeks ago I saw him out the front mowing the lawn, thought the dream was over and he was a phone call away from picking up a Jim’s Mowing franchise.

Just by way of preamble, I parked down in the Cooly-gatta by the old ASP headquarters. To get a panorama of the Superbank. If you’re reading in America, or England, or Hawaii, or Israel or South Africa and you haven’t seen this thing, you’re really missing something. It’s phenomenal. A mile of ruler-edged sand, waves of amazing perfection whipcracking at maximum surfboard speed. Not dirty green or brown like Sandspit. They slither like phantasmic eels in electric blue, Tahitian Pacific warm blue. You’ve got to see it, surf it. You only need one. Just one.

From the vantage of the rocks at Little Marley, Stu K out surfed JJF in the morning round four heat in the best looking surf of the event. Rielly asked me to get technical today in the wrap. By that analysis Stu beat with him superior repertoire, turn speed, drive off the bottom and rotational arc.

He failed the first critical finishing move to avoid running over a freesurfer. He fell on the second to open the door for Florence. Those flat spin air reverses from Florence where he hucks off the lip and lands in the flats aren’t pretty and scream busted ankle. But it was enough to get the job done. Kanoa was not in the hunt. He’s had a dream run with low-scoring heats but if real talk rules he would have not made a womens heat today.

Two guys look like Finalists. One is the defending champion and one is a part-timer from Lennox who racked up a hell of a credit card debt chasing the QS after Rip Curl dumped him in his prime. Is he aggressive in the surf, does he take his and yours as well, ala Fanning at the Superbank? Not at all. He’s the most mellow cat out there. No interview today but tomorrow we’ll get down with the Stu and see where the declarations of war come from

By forecasting a Brother revival in 2016 and a QF finish at least I was ridiculed: Brother drops off Tour, Brother has a busted hoof etc etc. To double down on the call, I predict Kolohe Andino to take out the Aussie Leg and vy for the Republican nomination in 2020 as a dual world champion with Snips as VP and Speaker verballing the empty chair.

Two guys look like finalists. One is the defending champion and one is a part-timer from Lennox who racked up a hell of a credit card debt chasing the QS after Rip Curl dumped him in his prime. Is he aggressive in the surf, does he take his and yours as well, ala Fanning at the Superbank? Not at all. He’s the most mellow cat out there. No interview today but tomorrow we’ll get down with the Stu and see where the declarations of war come from. Throw a question in the comments and I’ll get it to him.

Without a media pass I had to hustle with the rest of the cattle and all the dewey eyed groupies looking for a piece of Florence. I wanted to know if had a strategy to rein in Toledo.

“Looks pretty obvious to me,” I said, “that Filipe is surfing at a level well above everyone else. What are you going to do to beat him?”

“Ummm, I don’t know, he’s human too, he’ll make his mistakes. I’m just going to surf my best and not worry about him”.

Right.

As a strategy, the human, all-too-human strategy, has worked out badly for JJF in the past. Remember the Final at Margies with De Souza? Waiting for De Souza to make a mistake worked out, how? He just calmly slotted two eights and put Florence to sleep.

Can anyone see Filipe crumbling? Seeing as how every Final he’s been in he’s absolutely crushed his opponent. You’ll have to throw him off the balcony of the fifth floor to cripple him first or give him the pre-heat drug of choice of Wilson and Freestone. He’s going to have to be outsurfed. Or out muscled and harassed by a no name lawn-mower from the Ox.

Can anyone see Filipe crumbling? Seeing as how every Final he’s been in he’s absolutely crushed his opponent. Put the fish and the chicken on the combo plate as Ross Williams would say. Nup. You’ll have to throw him off the balcony of the fifth floor to cripple him first or give him the pre-heat drug of choice of Wilson and Freestone. He’s going to have to be outsurfed. Or out muscled and harassed by a no name lawn-mower from the Ox.

Didn’t the afternoon get weird. The vibe on the beach was low key, kind of non-existent really, the surf faded out so I went looking for expert commentary to watch the final heats unfold. I found it in the form of BeachGrit commenter DeathStar who was manning one of the core surfboard shops on the outskirts of Byron Bay. Deathstar speaks from the perspective of thirty years in the surfboard biz. I asked Deathstar to walk us through the mechanics of the Parkinson/Ibelli restart.

Longtom: What the fuck just happened then Deathstar?

Deathstar: They’ve had a talk and Parko’s said to the young guy “We’re going in” and the young guy’s gone “Yes Mr Parkinson, lets do that”. And an official has told them to get back out there because this is surfing time.

Longtom: So Parko’s verballed him?

Deathstar: I think so. They didn’t stop the clock. The surfers don’t have a right. It’s a professional event and it’s on.

Longtom: Any other sport in the world where that could happen. Where they’d just stop and say “nah we’re done”.

Deathstar: “Maybe golf? If there was an electrical storm. But no, can’t think of another sport where they could just go nah, we’re not doing it. I just think that was massive mind games from Joel Parkinson, the master. I’m flabbergasted by that, we just saw a bit of history.

Longtom: What’s your overall assessment of this event?

Deathstar: It’s been fascinating, I reckon. For a lot of reasons. Definite generational change, it’s actually really coming into effect now. Dunno, I just think it’s a cleaner, better produced product.

Longtom: But is anyone watching, does anyone care?

Deathstar: I think a lot of people are watching but beyond the people who are watching no one gives a shit. Unless something major happens like an 11-time world champ getting taken down by an unknown from Lennox Head.

Longtom: Or a shark attack.

Deathstar: Or a shark attack.

I’m not a betting man, but you’d put Toledo in an unbackable favourite. But if the most famous Kennedy from Lennox Head does get up it’ll be the best time to surf the Point uncrowded: the party will last for weeks and every surfer in the district will be keeping European hours.