Tom Blake
Meet the guy who put a fin in a board. Put a camera in a housing. Wrote beautifully about the sport. Best pals with the Duke.

Culture: Meet Tom Blake!

But, "some people believe more in Blake than they do in God," says Matt Warshaw

How precious is Tom Blake? Let’s count the ways. First guy to put a fin on a board. Invented water housings for cameras. Wrote beautifully about the sport. First guy to really live as a surfer.

In the words of the writer Drew Kampion, “Blake altered everything. He almost single-handedly transformed surfing from a primitive Polynesian curiosity into a 20th century lifestyle.”

Maybe it’s time we learned a little more. Given my own paucity on the subject, I began an email-stream with the Encylopedia of Surfing, himself, Mr Matt Warshaw.

BeachGrit: Tom Blake is a precious ruby from the jewellery box of surfing culture, and I want to talk more about that in a moment. But first . . . the man had such a great ass! Am I allowed to say that? I believe Michelangelo would’ve been hard-pressed to’ve sculpted such perfection! 

Matt Warshaw: Okay. 

 

blakeNude28

 

So?

So . . .

I heard Tom Blake was our first and greatest gay surfer. True?

Gary Lynch, Blake’s biographer, says No.

Maybe Lynch swore to keep the secret.

Maybe you’re getting off in a huge way on putting “gay” in the same sentence as “Tom Blake.”

Is there any modern interest in Tom? Movie, books, that kinda thing?

Not that I’m aware of. He’s a hard guy to get a feel for. Such a horrible childhood. Born in Wisconsin, mom died when he was a baby, he got kicked around like a football from relative to relative. Something happened back there that Blake mentioned but never talked about it detail, some “fall from grace,” whatever that means. The big flu epidemic shut down his high school so he never graduated. After that he rode the rails for a couple years, landed in Los Angeles when he was I think 19, became a swimming champion, and finally ended up on the beach where he learned to surf. It’s an amazing story, just up to that point, before Blake even gets to all the stuff he’s famous for, the hollow surfboard and inventing the fin and all that—going from freezing winters on Lake Superior to sunny afternoons on the beach Santa Monica. But Blake himself is such a strange, isolated person. In a way, I don’t know if could actually carry his own story. You admire him, respect him, cheer for him, but never feel warm toward him. He’s just too shut off, too unknowable. That’s how I feel, anyway.

“Even deep water supports a rebel, if he has the will and the ability to swim.” I love Blake for that quote alone. And the other one, “Surfing puts you in the greatest church of all, the open sea and the open sky.”

What happened to him?

He ended up back in Wisconsin. Died at 92.

Why should we care about him? What’s his legacy? 

He pushed the sport along on just about every level. Board design, photography — he was great with a camera — writing. Great fashion sense, great style. He was among the first, maybe the first, to go all-in on what I guess we have to call the surfing lifestyle. Surfing took him in, it was his great comfort, and he built a life around it. I wouldn’t say surfing healed Blake. He was too damaged. But surfing, the ocean, I think made him the best possible version of himself. “Even deep water supports a rebel, if he has the will and the ability to swim.” I love Blake for that quote alone. And the other one, “Surfing puts you in the greatest church of all, the open sea and the open sky.” There are people out there who believe in Blake more than they believe in God.


How 2 rid big wavez wit Antonthy Walsh!

The best in da biz, Ian Walsh, teches u how to charge!

Soooooooooooooooo I was supposed to head down 2 an interview wit Ian Watch at a coffee e shop at 430 an I wuz all lik “$430? Thasss drinkin time!” So I tried to met him at a bar instead 4 our interview becuz there iz 1 across the street but he wiz too tired from traveling and sed “NO! BITCH! INEED COFFFFEEE!”

In m y heart I was all like, “FUCK THAT SISSY ASS MUTHERFUCKER! KOOOK! BarNEY!   TeeeeeeeTOTALER!” but said “Yah cool! Coffee!” in da text

Becuz I had a secret! A big ol bottle of V O D K A in my F R E E E E E Z  Z E ER!

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOYA!

So I drank da drank (5ive times!) mix with stolichnaya ginger beer cans an a lil touch of limejuice then got in m bike an rode to the place (shhhhhhhhh don tell anyone…it call zumbar an its in cardifff an The Shanty is x the streeet).

And this iz what I lik to call a new feture of bitchgirt call DRUNK INNERVIW WIT DA SURFERZ!

 

HOW   2 RID BIG BABES! w/ IIAN WALSH

 

so I aks Ian…tell me the secrets of big wavez. Wat do u do to rid them? And he gave me his daily ritual. Here it iz in case u want 2 rid them 2:

 

Ian: Wake up at 6:00 am, drink a smoothie with a bunch of good stuff.

Me: WTF!

Ian: Surf Ho’okipa for an hour and a half or two hours if it’s good then come in and eat another breakfast.

Me: Nother brakfast? No fucken       mimosa     blody mary?

Ian: Go to the gym at 9:30 and do some dynamic exercises. Warm up where I feel sore.

Me: FUCK?

 

Ian: Eat again.

Me: Nofucken     Irish Cofe?       or vodka?

Ian: Surf another hour and a half to, I don’t know, five or six hours depending on how good it is.

 

Me: ?

Ian: And then I’ll ride my bike at the end of the day. If I’m a little tweaked or sore I’ll do some namaste…some yoga or pilates.

Me:

Ian: And then I’ll be in bed by 10:30 after some Game of Thrones, bored as hell.

 

Me:

 

Do you stilll wanna surf big wavez or

 

no?


grom abuse
I think grom abuse is more or less a thing of the past. Which is probably for the best. Teasing and torturing young ones in good fun may build character, but there's a line you just can't cross. And I don't know that everyone knows where the line is. It starts with holding them down and drawing on hilarious permanent marker mustaches, next thing you know some lunatic is sodomizing them in a closet. “It's just a prank, bro!” | Photo: @norwell9

Parker: “I like to see kids suffer!”

Who doesn't like to see grommets, in full bloom, suffer just a little?

A while ago I got wind of a couple surfers who ran a surf camp in Liberia. It was during the height of the ebola scare, they’d fled the country and were begging for money online so they could continue to pay their staff.

Tried writing something about it titled, Surfers Welcomed by Head of Global Pedophile Network. But it was just a rant, and not a very good one. I think the title is great, but that ain’t enough to carry a piece. Fucking kids isn’t funny.

I’ve got a problem with for-profit enterprises soliciting donations, was gonna write something on a slow day. But the campaign failed to raise the dough they wanted, so I just kind of forgot about it.

More recently the same two dudes flew to Italy and gave the Pope a surfboard. Press made it seem as though it were a good thing. I, obviously, beg to differ. The Catholic church is a hateful, corrupt, monster.

Tried writing something about it titled, Surfers Welcomed by Head of Global Pedophile Network. But it was just a rant, and not a very good one. I think the title is great, but that ain’t enough to carry a piece. Fucking kids isn’t funny.

I think grom abuse is more or less a thing of the past. Which is probably for the best.

Teasing and torturing young ones in good fun may build character, but there’s a line you just can’t cross. And I don’t know that everyone knows where the line is.

It starts with holding them down and drawing on hilarious permanent marker mustaches, next thing you know some lunatic is sodomizing them in a closet. “It’s just a prank, bro!”

There’s a part of me that likes to see kids suffer a little. Especially young surfers. I watched a bit of the Volcom Totally Crustaceous event that just went down at Trestles. Those little bastards surf way too well. It’s unfair, and it makes me feel bad about myself. Because I’ll never be that good, and I’ve been surfing more than thrice as long as they’ve been alive.

A fun little short featuring grom tossing scratches the itch. Isn’t evil, no one gets hurt. The minor in question will remember the event fondly. Won’t be recounted to a therapist a couple decades down the road.

It also features some top-notch stand up boogieboarding, of which I’ve long been a fan.


Just in: Kelly Slater pool to Oahu!

"There's 40 guys in the lineup and everyone is upset and agro and angry and they want to get waves!"

Is there just no stopping the lust, the horny for Kelly Slater and his new wave pool? First Lemoore, then Melbourne, then San Diego and now Oahu? Birthplace of surfing? Wow! (Is Oahu the birthplace of surfing? If no, which island? The island of Peru?)

As first reported by Hawaii News Now:

A development group is planning to build a surf resort on Oahu.  That in itself isn’t earth-shattering news.  The fact that it won’t feature any of Hawaii’s fabled surf breaks is.

“The whole concept is to be able to share waves.  It’s tough to rely on the ocean for consistency as all surfers know–but if you can create waves, you’ve got more waves to go around and more waves to share” said Tyler Greene, Managing Partner for Surf City Hui LLC.  Greene explains the thinking behind “The Endless Summer Resort”, which will be built around an artificial wave pool.

“We probably get those special days maybe 5-7 days a season.  And then when you do get them there’s 40 guys in the lineup and everyone is upset and agro and angry and they want to get waves” said Greene.

Greene and his partners are currently looking at three sites on Oahu–focusing on the leeward side.  They also have a site in mind on the Big Island.  The resort will feature approximately 250 rooms.

The company hopes to feature Kelly Slater’s wave pool design.

“It’s a safe and friendly environment, all the way from a mush, knee high wave for a beginning long boarded to head high barrel for a more experienced surfer.”

Is it a good idea? Should they add a shark tub too? Will a group of locals rise up and smash mainland kooks? Will our Rory Parker go and take his wife? Will she like it or prefer the ocean?

So many questions!


Artist rendering of the wonderful Alana Blanchard in Modom feat. Sharkbanz shark tub.
Artist rendering of the wonderful Alana Blanchard in Modom feat. Sharkbanz shark tub.

Let’s feed Modom surf team to sharks!

Modom feat. Sharbanz has a magical deterrent! Maybe no one gets hurt! Maybe!

I have been on the sidelines of surf hardware brand Modom’s new anti-shark leash feat. Sharkbanz because I am, like most of my religious brothers and sisters, a fatalist. If a shark nips me while surfing then it is God’s will. Nothing but nothing can change my fate.

Christian fatalism is, overall, a wonderful thing and I highly recommend. The bravest, and therefore best, things I have done in my life have been done under the banner of heaven. Hail Mary’s give you wings!

But back on earth and Modom’s new anti-shark leash feat. Sharkbanz, our own Rory Parker has done a very good job debunking the science behind the claims by speaking with an actual scientist. The “magnetic technology” employed smacks of PowerBalance’s “holographic technology” or Donald J. Trump’s “wealth technology.” And the scientist agreed, saying, “…weak magnetic fields do not inherently repel sharks.”

It was all amusing to me but nothing more until I saw the price. Did you know Modom’s new anti-shark leash feat. Sharkbanz costs $180.00 in the United States of America and $250.00 in Australia?

$180.00!

$250.00!

My religious brother and sisters have a phrase for that. Fleecing the flock!

I’ve thrown myself into blazing gun battles, run toward exploding bombs and gleefully laughed while being chased by Al-Qaeda because I really and truly believe what I profess to believe.

And if Modom is charging $180.00 in the United States of America and $250.00 in Australia for their anti-shark leash feat. Sharkbanz then they should believe what they profess to believe enough to throw their surf team in a tub filled with bull sharks.

I think it is very fair, though unfortunate. I like Taj Burrow, Jack Freestone, Craig Anderson and Mark Mathews very much. I’m sure Kalani David is a decent man, Noah Beschen has great DNA and a good Instagram feed and Alana Blanchard has the same.

No bad eggs in the bunch and so I will let them be apostates if they choose. But the rest should buy the ticket and take the ride. Belief is a glorious adventure!