Rules: Julian, Wilko face expulsion, fines!

Come read the WSL rule book, article 171, "Damage to Surfing's Image."

What an exciting day! Everyone is so upset!

For the record, I think Gudalaskuas won the heat. Didn’t catch Julian or Wilko, no opinion there.

Hilarious to see the WSL take an internet beating. Do you think they care? Is Paul Speaker screaming into his Blackberry? “Get Google on the phone! I won’t take this kind of treatment.”

The anonymous Brazilian contingent is setting social media aflame. Reminding us all that they sure do love sports, but they don’t give two shits for good sportsmanship.

With so much kerfuffle in the air there surely can’t be more. How could a website that thrives on gossip mongering stir up even more drama?

How indeed?

We’ve got the two dubyas, Wilko and Wilson, taking to Instagram to air their grievances. You’ve read them both already.

Wilson: “The Judges might need to take some responsibility for their scores over the past two days. Might be time to put them under the microscope, like they do to us.” 

and

When sleepless nights, countless hours of preparation and learning hard lessons from past upsets, it’s hard not feel frustrated when not getting rewarded in key moments like this. Might be time to break down what the judges see and understand as good surfing in comparison to what the best surfers in the world see and understand as good surfing, as it could be a little different? @wsl @mattwilko8@gabrielmedina” 

Wilko: “It is hard to accept when they make decisions that decide people’s lives and don’t take care to make the decision right and are not at all held accountable.” 

Remind me, what’s the WSL’s policy on public criticism? Do they like it?

For more information, let’s take a gander at the WSL rule book. (Emphasis added for our slower readers)

Article 171:  Damage to Surfing’s Image 

Individuals bound by this Policy shall not engage in any conduct which could cause damage to the image of the sport of surfing. For purposes of this Article, damage to the image of the sport of surfing” is defined as any act, regardless of time or place, which casts the sport of surfing or WSL in a negative light. Without restricting the application of this Article, “damage to the sport of surfing” will include any comments or broadcast from social media accounts that the Surfer is responsible for. Any Surfer found in violation of this section shall be subject to the following disciplinary action:

(i) Monetary Fines and Disqualification.

The monetary fine amounts for an offense of this Article ranges from $1,000 USD to $50,000 USD per offense.

(ii) Suspension and Expulsion.

Any offender under this Article may be subject to suspension and/or expulsion from an WSL Tour upon the first offense. Where multiple offenses occur within one or more concurrent seasons which demonstrate a pattern of unacceptable conduct, the Surfer may also be subject to suspension and/or expulsion from the WSL.

How will the WSL respond? Will they use the intentionally vague nature of  “casts the… WSL in a negative light” as a proverbial newspaper with which they can swat unruly competitors on the snout?

Or will they let the surfers run wild? Unfiltered opinions and honest assessments flying about willy-nilly, nary a PR approved soundbite to be found.

Only time will tell.

Or you can just check Julian’s Insta tomorrow. See if he’s gone into damage control. Should be a pretty good indicator.


Julian Wilson comes second in his round two heat, a 25th result. | Photo: WSL

Revolt: Julian Wilson vs WSL Judges!

"It's hard not feel frustrated when not getting rewarded in key moments," says world #5.

Do you think San Clemente overflows with tears? The Hurley Pro, currently playing at Lower Trestles, near the old Nixon retreat, has been a heartbreaker for the tour’s superstars, with a handful of crucial, split-hair results.

Gabriel’s loss made him so tired and so sad he said, in an oblique way, that he might quit. 

So sad, so so so so sad! And tired!
So sad, so so so so sad! And tired!

And, Julian Wilson, who was rated fifth going into the Hurley Pro, but by virtue of his last-place here must now count at least one 25th in his final scoreline, wasn’t afraid to real talk after losing by 0.04 of a point.

Julian writes:

“When sleepless nights, countless hours of preparation and learning hard lessons from past upsets, it’s hard not feel frustrated when not getting rewarded in key moments like this. Might be time to break down what the judges see and understand as good surfing in comparison to what the best surfers in the world see and understand as good surfing, as it could be a little different?”

Of course, on Instagram you’re preaching to the choir, particularly if you’re a noted athlete. Most followers could hardly wait to jab their tongue into his anus or cup the round of his testes.

Here’s a sample.

capestrin@julian_wilson u have my deepest respect for what u r and showed back in South Africa. U deserve a world title just to have that cup on ur living room. But for most of us, u already r a true world champ. Never to be forgotten in years to come. U belong to the wall of best of the best like humans like @curfuffle @mrpottz @markocchilupo @kellyslater @mfanno the ones that deserve it more than others carried by the surf industries and fat cats with hunger for fat n easy dollars. Besides, u have a angel for a wife. 

yeahphillieI feel ya @julian_wilson seen this happen to u way to many times, i think in ur case u may just be a little to smooth and the judging may take u a little to for granted!!

yeahphillieI feel ya @julian_wilson seen this happen to u way to many times, i think in ur case u may just be a little to smooth and the judging may take u a little to for granted!!

oscarcamargonetoJulian you have my respect not only because you are easily one of the best surfers ever but because you dont hide in tough moments like today and in Jay bay last year! Great Guy!!Things will change because of people like you! @julian_wilson

A couple of surf fans weren’t so easily sold, although they were in the minority.

capestrin@julian_wilson but his style is very poor! He got the moves, but doesn’t dance like Jagger or u or @mfanno even @kellyslater has a little upsetting style but he capture ur attention and surprises u.

fabioplotWell said, @julian_wilson even if you took advantage of that, like in your first CT win in Portugal, when @gabrielmedina smashed you and they robbed him. As I think it also happened in Pipe 2014. But huge respect for your post!

itsgarbagedayTime to retire get a real job and contribute to society like the rest of us battlers
eamonsinstaUsed to love to you watch you surf, big fan. Not anymore.

And you?

Do you think there’s still plenty of meat left on the bone of how well, or poorly, waves are being scored at the Hurley Pro?

Are you, like me, enjoying every damn second of the event?


So sad, so so so so sad! And tired!

Medina: “Very sad…so tired, tired!”

Loses nail-biter. Is very upset.

Gabby lost a nail biter today. He is very upset. Took to Instagram to vent.

Hora de ir pra casa. Muito triste, eu dedico ou dediquei minha vida pra isso…to cansado, cansei!

What does that mean? I don’t speak Portuguese. Only English. And Spanish, sorta.

Yippee for Google’s translation magic!

Time to go home. Very sad, I dedicate or have dedicated my life to it … so tired, tired!

Is this the end for Gabby? Past tense reference to his competitive career!

Crazy, so crazy.

Sure, it’s probably nothing. Just letting off some steam. Upset he got handed the short end of the stick.

But it makes for such lovely clickbait. Medina hints he may quit the Tour!

Glorious internet garbage. My job’s done for the day.


Who to blame for John John losing in round three? Pottz, Barton and Turpel for constantly harping on "the pressure"? Strider for his confusing pie metaphors? John's wonky knee? Maybe Simpo laid some bad ju-ju on the world's most favoritest tow-head. Hired a black magic witch doctor, paid extra for a mean hex. You can do that shit, you know.

Hurley Pro: JJ, Medina lose to wildcards!

Brett Simpson beats John John, Tanner Gudauskas clocks Medina. Voodoo?

Damn you, Brett Simpson!

Knocking out JJ in round three!  How dare you?

Who to blame? Pottz, Barton and Turpel for constantly harping on “the pressure”? Strider for his confusing pie metaphors? John’s wonky knee?

Maybe Simpo laid some bad ju-ju on the world’s most favoritest tow-head. Hired a black magic witch doctor, paid extra for a mean hex. You can do that shit, you know. Hire curses online. But they don’t come cheap.

Which is terribly frustrating, because curses aren’t real.

You’d have to be an empty headed simpleton to believe they are. But there’s no shortage of fools and I though it’d be funny to really fuck with someone’s head. I really wanted to pay someone suitably foreign, hopefully with an exotic accent and peculiar mien, to whip up a nonsense ritual then send my target something indicating they’d been cursed. Like a cross with chicken blood on it.

Or, fuck, a certificate indicating cursed status. With gold inlay and scrollwork and shit.

It’s all bullshit, but you can really get inside someone’s head with bullshit. And I’ve a long list of humans I don’t actually want to hurt, but would love it if they thought I was responsible for life’s constant misery.

I’m surprised no one’s done it with Medina. He believes in god, right? It’s just a short hop from christian superstition to Marie Laveau style voodoo.Beat those heathen drums, sacrifice some small animal. No more title race for him.

Maybe someone already did it.  Maybe the Gudang clan hit up Fiverr and employed some black magic trickery to shut down the Brazilian everyone loves to hate. Gabby sure seems to think he got done wrong.

I think 8.3 was plenty.

Meanwhile… Kelly…


Chinese shapers work on red boards.

Free trade: “Damn those yella boards!”

Are you a purist or do you demand low cost when it comes to your craft?

You don’t come here for political talk but can we chat free trade? Globalization? Integrated economies? Just for a moment? Oh let’s!

Surfboard shapers, glassers, artisans are the lifeblood of what we do. Without them we’d be clanging gongs. Bodysurfers. With them we glide and shred and limp through multi-staged cutbacks. Upright kings of the sea!

But surfboard shapers, glassers, artisans, like all others dependent on manufacturing, are getting bled by foreign trade. Cheaper imports coming from Thailand, Vietnam, China. It is more difficult to make a living with fiberglass coated hands then ever before.

Protectionism is lame, though, isn’t it? Fear-based and outdated? Maybe not? But what are other less drastic solutions? Are American/Australian made boards tons tons better than Chinese ones? Should all surfers buy boards hewn only by American/Australian hands?

What are your surfboard buying habits?

Mine? Oh I’m such a horrible queen! I only buy Italian made suits, French made bags and Matt Biolos made surfboards. He is true artist and is looking more and more like Hedi Slimane!

screen-shot-2016-09-10-at-9-20-30-am

PBS, anyhow, takes a wonderful longer form look at manufacturing with a focus on surfboards! Let’s watch HERE and become more educated!

Yes?