The (ex) world's greatest surfer is also the world's greatest (worst) loser!

Kelly Slater is the funniest ever. He’s the best ever, of course, but also the funniest. Who could forget last year when Adriano de Souza won a hard-earned national championship and Kelly pulled his rug out hours later by releasing footage of his inland barrel?

Or a handful of hours ago when John John Florence, the world’s favorite surfer, won and Kelly Slater took to Instagram directly with a photo of him and Jordy Smith and the words:

Good fight for the title, Jordz. Great surfing all year. Nobody combines all technical and power surfing elements better. #BestVideoParts on earth, IMO.

All technical and power surfing combination? Wouldn’t that basically define John John? Kelly twists the knife a little too by shitting on John John’s Blake Vincent Kueny masterpiece View From a Blue Moon.

Kelly’s spontaneous passive-aggression could maybe be seen as poor form but I love it! His heart can only stand being champion and the aggression seeps out, passively, when he is not. There ain’t no grace in his losing but therein lies the delicate truth. “Show me a good loser…” as they say “…and I’ll show you a loser.”

Here’s to our Ke11y! The best there ever was!

(Until John John wins a few more)

Nobody has to talk themselves into feeling good about a John Florence world title…

When John John won the world title in Portugal yesterday, was your immediate thought, what does Matt Warshaw think? Oh, mine too!

Afterall, the New Yorker did describe Warshaw in their October 3 issue as “the world’s leading surfing scholar, the Linnaeus of the lineup.”

Therefore, what is the significance of a John John world title? Was it inevitable? And how does it stack among the other forty world titles? This exchange just took place between Bondi, Australia, and Seattle, Washington.

BeachGrit: When did Flo first swing onto your radar?
Warshaw: He had a bit in Dana Brown’s excellent movie Step Into Liquid, which was I think 2003. Then some other vid parts when Jon was just a tiny blond novelty, and all the filmmakers wanted to jump his mom.

You kind of had to maneuver yourself to a place where you could cheer Adriano’s achievement. All the hard work, and all the tactical precision. At some level it felt great. Victory for the Everyman. But I think it just rests easier, and seems more natural, when the title-holder is also one of the consensus best surfers in the world. Nobody has to talk themselves into feeling good about a John Florence world title.

Did you believe the hype?
No. No point in really taking interest til the kid makes it through puberty. That shit is a talent killer. I remember a couple really hot seventh grade surfers who went back to the middle of the pack in high school. So many ways to lose the gift. Never, ever, back a 10-year-old.

Did you really think this little kid could…succeed? Did you believe there were the elements of destruction all around him? That he would be led into some kind of destruction? 
John Florence, to me, is the blankest of all slates. I don’t say that to be cruel. But it’s like the way people talk about Ronald Reagan, where you try and look inside him and just get… nothing. I do get the sense that he was raised right, and is incredibly well-adjusted given the level of fame and adulation he’s been dealing with since, whatever it is, fourth grade. But there is something about him that just seems simple. Not simple-minded, but just uncomplicated and edge-free. There is nothing in him that would snag on an addiction, and nothing that would snag on politics or film or whatever. He is the purest of surfers.

What does Flo have that, say, his brothers, raised in identical circumstances, don’t?
Kelly Slater-level fast-twitch muscles, and a static-free mind.

How will history record Flo’s world title as opposed to, say, Adriano?
You kind of had to maneuver yourself to a place where you could cheer Adriano’s achievement. All the hard work, and all the tactical precision. At some level it felt great. Victory for the Everyman. But I think it just rests easier, and seems more natural, when the title-holder is also one of the consensus best surfers in the world. Nobody has to talk themselves into feeling good about a John Florence world title.

Compared to Joel and Mick?
Joel and Mick occupy that middle ground between Adriano and John.

Immediately after Flo’s win, Kelly Slater posted on Instagram a photo of he and Jordy. He wrote: “Great fight for the title, Jordz. Great surfing all year. Nobody combines all technical and power surfing elements better #bestvideoparts on earth, IMO.”

Does this strike you as an odd thing to do, in the fever of Flo’s world title saying another surfer makes better video parts and combines technique and power better? How do you imagine Kelly is feeling?
Less creative than the Gene Wilder Photoshop episode, and not as mean as dropping the wavepool on Adriano’s world title, but still, yeah, add that your listicle of weird Slater media moves for 2016. Looking forward to a Taylor Swift mic grab at the Grammys in 2017. Oh, and now that John’s the Champ, maybe he’ll get to date Taylor Swift for real!