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Revealed: Donald Trump Endorses WSL?

Mariano Landa

by Mariano Landa

Come revel in the Trump Hyuga Pro 1000, Japan!

Yesterday’s second American presidential election debate took place in the very very very center of ‘Merica, just 13 hours up Interstate 44 from God’s great gift in Austin, Texas .

And it was a slugfest full of unpleasantries, rife with speculation about everything from sexual assault to how your grandma doesn’t know how to use email encryption, topped off with a smattering of wry backhanded compliments that one would have thought were copyrighted after the publication of Welcome to Paradise, Now go to Hell! (Buy here!)

The debate was toned by the release of some archival footage of Donald Trump last Friday, after which every brand of mainstream politician immediately dumped Trump for his recorded tour bus remarks about caressing lady nether parts, made in jest to the elfish nephew/cousin of a couple of former American presidents.

But locker room banter aside, you know who didn’t dump Trump? Your one and only World Surf League, who just ran the TRUMP Hyuga Pro 1000 in Japan, won by household names Shun Murakami and Tony Silvagni!

Oh, wait? What?

Donnie didn’t have nothing to do with the Trump Hyuga Pro comp? Seriously?

Trump is actually the unfortunate name of a Japanese wetsuit company that sponsors that basket of deplorables known as professional longboarders? Including one whom an upstanding member of our illustrious comments section has suggested might be the world’s ugliest surfer?

Do you think the brand is at least considering a name change like ASAP?

Or will they get sued into a rebrand, bog down in endless litigation, and lose their grip on the booming professional longboard market?

Or will they just send the Republican nominee a care package of coozies and tablet cases with their stars and stripes logo?

Has Dave Prodan had to field endless questions from Anderson Cooper about WSL endorsement of ‘Merica’s most controversial pussy-grabber?

Oh, shit, they have a logo of a kangaroo on a Harley? Nevermind, I’m sold.