Rotation: Surfers are math-tards!

Hondo

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Even after all these years, the basic rotation is a vast mystery to the surfer mind.

(This helpful story first appeared on LodgeGrit. How fun!)

This video just came out of this surfer doing a 720, yet they call it a “double spin.”

Then when they’re talking about it, or writing about it, the surf dudes keep calling it a “540.”

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DUDES!

That makes no sense! First of all if it’s a double spin, that right there is inferring that it’s a 720. Also, like this move has been done on skateboards and snowboards, so why is it a 720 on a snowboard or a skateboard, yet a 540 on a surfboard?

I don’t want to take away how insane this shit is that this dude is doing, but like, why do you surfer bros keep fucking up rotation names? A wave has transition and it’s like a 1/4 pipe, so name your rotations as such.

It’s not rocket science.

Well maybe it’s like very very basic rocket science in a sense, but still. Get it right surfer bros!

Here is a backside 540…

And here’s a backside 720…

And now you know, bro!

Kaipo Guerrero
"I'm a good luck charm," says the noted part-time commentator Kaipo Guerrero. "Go back to Waimea. I was there. Go back to Rio… who was there? Me. And, then, right now, Haleiwa! Get me on tour! | Photo: Peter King

#TourNotes: “It’s a Chuck-and-Jive!”

Derek Rielly

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There's colour behind the plastic walls of those WCT VIP enclosures!

As I’ve become fond of saying, and do so tenaciously, an event isn’t complete until Peter King has dropped his episode of #TourNotes. Two days ago, John John Florence won the first event of the Triple Crown, the Hawaiian Pro, the first step in becoming the only surfer in history to win an Eddie, a world title and a Triple Crown in the one year.

It‘s a record that will never be touched if the Aikaus and Quiksilver don’t hitch their deal, soon…

Anyway, in this four-minute short, we’re gifted with Kelly Slater explaining the abundance of frontside laybacks, the commentator Kaipo Guerrero looses his tongue from its normally so sensible mooring, Brett Simpson and Miguel Pupo drop their usual one-liners, the former pro surfer Doug Silva is thrown under a bus by the very cruel Fred Pattachia and Ross Williams (remember: glass houses, boys) and there’s plenty of fooling around by Peter Mel and some photogenic children.

“It isn’t the heats. I wanna show the fun. I want to show the silly little conversations,” says PK.

Watch here! 

Leonardo Fioravanti
The Brazilian Storm turned out to be a brief sprinkle followed by a cloudless Hawaiian sky. But a new low pressure system is developing just off the horizon. This one is not spinning in South America though but Europe instead! A European Storm! Or, as they say in European, a “Sturmabteilung!” | Photo: WSL/Cestari

WSL: Here comes the Sturmabteilung!

Chas Smith

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Do you think John John is going to win multiple titles? Think again!

Do you remember the Brazilian Storm? But do you really? Recall that the World Surf League’s championship trophy was supposed to be handed from one Brazilian hand to another to another for maybe decades? Or even the rest of all time? Yeah?

Of course you don’t!

The Brazilian Storm turned out to be a brief sprinkle followed by a cloudless Hawaiian sky.

But a new low pressure system is developing just off the horizon. This one is not spinning in South America though but Europe instead!

A European Storm! Or, as they say in European, a “Sturmabteilung!”

The World Surf League writes on its website:

One of the biggest surprises of the 2016 Qualifying Series has been the rise of Italian Leonardo Fioravanti. The 18-year old went on a charm offensive while ripping his way to the top of the QS rankings and torching several of the world’s best as a CT wildcard.

Though he’s slipped to No. 5 on the QS, Fioravanti has already locked a spot on the 2017 Samsung Galaxy World Championship Tour, and he won’t be the only fresh European face on Tour next year, because one of the hidden headlines of 2016 is there’s serious depth coming from that bench.

The quiet rise of Joan Duru is another big surprise. After a solid performance at the Hawaiian Pro the Frenchman has climbed to No. 2 on the QS, locking his spot on next year’s Tour.

Lacomare has a much tougher road to haul. But the Frenchman’s powerful backhand approach, with its sweet, fading bottom turn, is well suited to Sunset’s reef-churning walls. His heavy-footed snaps throw buckets of spray, too, which helps impress judges sitting on a scaffold tower a quarter-mile away.

Morais is no stranger to big results in Hawaii. In 2013, the man from Portugal won the Vans Triple Crown of Surfing “Rookie of the Year” award, mainly on the back of a 4th place finish at the World Cup of Surfing at Sunset Beach. For the last week, it would have been easy to argue that outside of World Champ John John Florence, he’s been the form surfer of the event.

That’s an Italian, two Frenchmen and a Portuguese. A new power axis! Or, as they say in European, a “Großdeutsches Reich!”

Do you think John John is scared? Maybe? He probably shouldn’t worry his blonde head but… maybe?

Meet: World’s most anti-depressive man!

Chas Smith

By

Are you grouchy? Step inside!

If you visit our little corner semi-regularly, you’ll know that we try to be anti-depressive. Oh sometimes we fail and fail miserably but the goal is almost always for smiles. Our world is serious enough and surfing is so not! So let’s dance, let’s play, let’s smile and let’s have us some fun!

But even when all of our joy cylinders are pumping at max speed our anti-depressive doesn’t even come close to surf legend Corky Carroll’s. And are you aware of him? Do you know? Let us turn to the good doctor Matt Warshaw, who writes in his Encyclopedia of Surfing:

Flamboyant goofyfooter from Surfside, California; winner of the United States Surfing Championships in 1966, 1967, and 1969, and the sport’s chirruping master of media in the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s. “He’s been cheered and booed,” surf journalist Jim Kempton wrote in 1998, “reviled, honored, laughed at, accused and credited with everything from defiling the name of surfing to inventing the career of ‘pro surfer.'”

Today, Mr. Carroll writes a column for the Orange County Register and if you’re ever feeling down just take a quick read! Like, today he sends the entire time discussing who he is so thankful for since it is, in fact, Thanksgiving week in America.

Simple, yes, but also so wonderful and so… so… ebullient!

After marching through his list, including kids, wife, doctors, neighbors etc. he ends on this note.:

I might not be the freakishly handsome road warrior athlete god that I once was (shut up, it’s my story) but the good news is that I can still paddle out and surf every day at my tender old age, and THAT is something I never forget to be thankful for. It might not be pretty, but it sure is fun.

Ain’t it ever!

Are you going to be Thankful this Thanksgiving or will you be a grumpy gus?

Kip Dynamite
I woke up super congested this morning. Gnarly sinus headache to boot. Fucking sucks, I really wanted to go dive. Try and kill some fish. But you can't do that shit when your head tubes are jam-packed with mucus. Or you can, but you'll only do it once. Sinus squeezes hurt like a son of a bitch.

Parker: “My tubes are jammed with mucous!”

Rory Parker

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Fucking sucks, I really wanted to go dive. Try and kill some fish.

I woke up super congested this morning. Gnarly sinus headache to boot. Fucking sucks, I really wanted to go dive. Try and kill some fish. But you can’t do that shit when your head tubes are jam-packed with mucus. Or you can, but you’ll only do it once. Sinus squeezes hurt like a son of a bitch.

Maybe I’ll go skate. Been a while since I beat my fat ass against the asphalt. It’s raining right now, but that’s typical. Should dry up in a little while. Usually does.

Until then I’m gonna sit on my ass and watch skate videos. You seen this one? Eight minute long doubles routine. So good, so fun, so creative.

I know it’s way easier for skaters to get clips than it is for surfers. They can hit the same ledge or rail or transition over and over and over. No paddling, no waiting. No relying on swell or wind or tide.

Still, though, I wish someone in the surf world would sdump the lifestyle shots, put an end to the cookie cutter visuals. Do something different.

Maybe that’s too much to hope for. Maybe it’s just too difficult. Maybe surfers don’t really care. I don’t know. But a man can dream.

Photo: Justin Jay/@justinjayphoto
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