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Slater Loves Oceans, Hates Sharks!

Michael Ciaramella

by Michael Ciaramella

A call to cull by The King himself!

By now you may have already seen the video, released last week and playing below, wherein Kelly Slater speaks of the horrible, terrible, awful crime that is ocean pollution. In fact Slater hates ocean pollution so much that he decided to sell a shirt with the words “It’s Not OK” (a clever play on his “eco-friendly” brand OuterKnown) emblazoned across the chest, with one-hundred percent of profits going to “support protecting and cleaning up the ocean”. A wonderful thing for the Champ to do.

Here’s that vid.

You may have also heard that another surfer (sponger) died on Reunion Island yesterday by way of  shark. It is very sad for friends and family of the victim, Alexandre “Krapo” Naussance, but also for the Reunion community as a whole because their waters seem truly infested or maybe even cursed. These people are living in paradisiacal purgatory.

Jeremy Flores, a Reunion Island native, took to Instagram for the umpteenth time to commiserate his fallen compatriot. He left a wonderful portrait and heartfelt message for Krapo, seen below.

But here’s where it gets interesting.

On that very photo, Slater left an intriguing comment. He said:

Honestly, I won’t be popular for saying this but there needs to be a serious cull on Reunion and it should happen every day. There is a clear imbalance happening in the ocean there. If the whole world had these rates of attack nobody would use the ocean and literally millions of people would be dying like this. The French govt needs to figure this out asap. 20 attacks since 2011!?

Oh you just know that Derek Rielly and Fred Pawle are foaming at the mouths, reading, re-reading, and massaging their fully-engorged loins in a state of euphoria. The King, free-leader of the aquatic world, has used the words “serious cull”, “imbalance” and “literally millions of people dying” in reference to sharks!  All of this after his very serious video about how we must protect ocean wildlife!

Now someone will make the case that by culling sharks you’re helping protect the over-eaten fish etc., but this is still a little funny, no? At least slightly hypocritical?

And, even if you do agree with the Reunion cull, what kind of precedent does that set? Will the next one be in Ballina, or maybe New Smyrna Beach, FL?

Please feel free to lay out your mutually beneficial (to humans and the ocean) plans below. I’m very truly ambivalent about this topic.