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Battle: Griffin Vs. Charly in Hawaii!

Michael Ciaramella

by Michael Ciaramella

Anglo-Saxons fight for dominance on Polynesian soil!

We live in a developed world, sure, but isn’t there something viscerally delicious about reverting back to heathenry, if only for a moment? For instance, consider the masculine battle for dominance. Even today, two men will throw fists over proprietary control of a woman’s ovaries. While this may be offensive to some, other women perceive the dance as a positive representation of love, but more realistically, strength and virility. They like it!

And these same Darwinian practices apply to surf.

It’s why we’ve got localism and obscure wave-height-callings and unspoken rules relating to ability and the amount of waves one receives. It’s completely archaic and oftentimes stupid but also a major part of our world. Surfers are, maybe moreso than any other non-religious group, completely un-evolved! It’s all about who rides the biggest wave, bangs the most chicks, swings the biggest dick, etc.

So…

You have seen, probably, Griffin Colapinto’s latest flick, Ding Donging. It is fast and raw and masterful in every sense of the word. As stated before, I believe Grffin to be America’s great white hope.

One thing you didn’t see, maybe, was Charly Quivront’s newest clip, Charly Quivront Let’s Loose in Hawaii. It is also fast and raw and masterful in every sense of the word. I don’t know much about Charly, besides that he is 21 and French, so I’ve not made any claims about his future.

But! Do you know what other thing these videos have in common besides being fast, raw, and masterful, having been filmed in Hawaii, and toting very awful names? Both were released on March 9th!

And is this not a direct call for battle? A Look-at-me punk, I’ll kick your fucking head in? A metaphorical representation of the childhood game, King of the Hill? I think yes and also I think it is wonderful. We need more authoritative action in our sport, less prissy pandering!

Now it’s time to decide: who won this battle of the swinging dicks?

Charly!

Or Griffin!