Rage: The masses turn on Laird!

Chas Smith

By

Help our hero, Laird Hamilton, dig his way out of a public relations disaster!

Laird Hamilton was the most popular surfer in the entire world until he blamed shark attacks on women going surfing/swimming whilst menstruating. Specifically and unprompted, he said, “The biggest most common reason to be bitten is a woman with her period ummmm which people don’t even think about that. Uh obviously if a woman has her period then there’s…”

At this point a passing woman says, “What?” and you can see the terror in Laird’s eyes as he finishes off “…a lot of blood in the water.” before pivoting. “So, but, ummm mistaken identity…” etc. etc.

And do you think, right here, that Laird Hamilton knew that he had really made a mistake? That news media around the world would pounce?

The terror in his eyes says, “Yes!”

It took a few hours but the worm has turned.

The Sun called Laird’s opinion a “bloody outrage.” The Daily Mail provided real figures that debunked his claim. Even Laird Hamilton’s biggest fan site, The Inertia The Huffington Post, piled on.

Turns out being one of the most admired surfers in the world doesn’t make you immune from promoting bad ― and blatantly false ― science.

And now we get to play a fun public relations game called “What Should Laird Do Next?”

Should he:

a) Apologize profusely for his ignorance and donate money to the National Organization of Women.

b) Double down and dredge up a crackpot doctor to agree with his theory.

c) Enroll in a special education marine biology summer course.

d) Tweet that TMZ peddles fake news.

e) Sell Laird Hamilton sanitary napkins with patented SharkShield technology.

f) Admit that he has Asperger’s while claiming that Asperger’s is caused by eating “ass burgers.”

g) other

Winning suggestion will be delivered to Laird.

SurfStitch
If you visit the website for SurfStitch, click on the tab Our Story and descend to 10 November 2015 where you'll find this composition with the illuminating copy: "The SurfStitch Group held its Annual General Meeting for Shareholders on 10 November 2015. SurfStitch Group shareholders are invited to listen to the recorded audio webcast of the Meeting." Do you think these are the same shareholders now involved in the 100 mill class action against the online retailer?

SurfStitch Shares in Trading Halt!

Derek Rielly

By

Yesterday's bargain is today's millstone!

Just two days ago, I opined that at ten cents apiece maybe SurfStitch shares were the deal of a lifetime. Afterall, only eighteen months earlier they cost two bucks.

By my flawed rationale, five grand would buy what was worth a hundred gees only eighteen months earlier. It was like an almost new Bentley had suddenly appeared for sale at a giveaway price. And, conventional, if ballsy, wisdom is to buy in when everybody else is cashing out.

Buy, buy, buy!

Of course, the market usually knows best. If you’d followed my course your ten cent shares would be worth seven cents. A thirty per cent hit in two days.

And, today, after a $100 million class action was launched by aggrieved shareholders, trading in SurfStitch shares was halted. So even if you want to cut your losses you can’t.

From the Biz Insider:

The class action launched by lawyers Quinn Emanuel claims SurfStitch was trading at a loss when it announced in 2015 that it was expecting earnings to double in the 2016 year.

SurfStitch is accused of misleading and deceptive conduct and breaching its continuous disclosure obligations 

The company’s shares fell 9% yesterday to close at $0.068, well down on the record high of $2.09 and the $1 list price in 2014.

SurfStitch on Monday announced another profit downgrade, saying full year losses are now expected to be about double the size since the last estimate in February.

The company is now forecasting an underlying EBITDA (earnings before interest, tax, depreciation and amortisation) loss for the full year of between $10.5 million to $11.5 million, a sharp deterioration from the $5 million to $6.5 million forecast in February and the previous estimate of a $4 million to $5 million loss.

(Read the rest of that story here.)

The Australian Financial Review, meanwhile, wrote about a seventy-eight-year-old man who was so dazzled by SurfStitch’s promises of riches he poured his cash into the online retailer.

A 78-year-old retiree who has seen the value of his shares in SurfStitch Group plunge 92 per cent is the lead plaintiff in a $100 million class action claim.

Warwick Cook and his wife Leonee bought their first 5000 shares in SurfStitch in November 2015, paying $2.12 a share, more than double SurfStitch’s issue price less than 12 months earlier.

The Cooks were encouraged by repeated forecasts by SurfStitch’s co-founder and chief executive Justin Cameron that earnings were expected to more than double in 2016, to between $15 million and $18 million.

Mr Cook bought another 5000 shares in December 2015 after SurfStitch announced a share placement to fund the acquisition of a surf accessories business, Surf Hardware, and upped its profit guidance to between $18 million and $22 million.

And,

Mr Cook snapped up another 25,000 shares in May 2016 at 49¢ after SurfStitch downgraded guidance to between $2 million and $3 million, citing a reorganisation triggered by Mr Cameron’s surprise resignation in March.

 What Mr Cook and other minority shareholders did not know was that first-half profits and full-year guidance were underpinned by $20.3 million in income from a content deal with a Sydney-based publisher, Kim Sundell’s Coastalcoms/Three Crowns Media Group.

A month later, in June 2016, SurfStitch reversed the $20.3 million transaction, leading to an $18.8 million loss. SurfStitch shares plunged 50 per cent to 18.5¢ and continued to lose ground, closing on Tuesday at a record low of 6.8¢.

(Read that one here.)

The sharemarket is as fascinating as it is gruesome, don’t you think?

Laird Hamilton
Gals on red maybe inviting shark attack? "It's like running around with a lightning rod and wondering why you got struck by lighting." | Photo: TMZ

Laird: Gals’ Periods Attract Sharks!

Chas Smith

By

"It's like carrying a lightning rod!"

Today, your pals Derek and Chas were busy. Derek stuck at 6:45 am twenty minutes from home, car-less, maybe covered in the scent of a woman.

Chas mired in Hollywood traffic at 1:45 pm a full two hours from his trusty laptop. The slightest touch of dried saltwater clinging to his inner nostril.

Like cocaine.

Both happy. But then a scoop!

Laird Hamilton explains to TMZ thats sharks attack women on their periods.

Brilliant. Necessary.

But how to post?

Chas quickly called Derek who began sprinting home then pulled off the freeway to write these very words on his cracked iPhone SE.

And dear readers, may I present to you Laird Hamilton explaining to TMZ that sharks attack women on their periods.

Film: 5 best clips of all time!

Chas Smith

By

Surf film is our most important art. Let us celebrate accordingly.

Film is an incomparably important part of the surf experience. It shows us what we can achieve, how high we can soar, how beautifully we can dance. Film elevates, teaches, inspires and connects us all. We may be scattered around God’s blue earth but when we watch a movie or a clip, we watch it together as one. Film makes us who we are.

And it is with all this gravitas in mind that your humble servants at BeachGrit have spent the last two years compiling a list of the 5 best surf clips of all time. We have watched every second and discussed relative merits, bouncing our thoughts off experts in the field, polling professional surfers, analyzing and painstakingly measuring. While our exact methodology will be kept secret it is my great privilege to present you with our findings.

5. Kelly Slater gets beat up by bodyboarder Paul Roach.
Feel free to watch the entire clip from Kelly in Taylor Steele’s near-masterpiece Momentum but the clip from this film that makes it onto the list of best ever is the first 40 odd seconds. Paul Roach’s technique is near flawless. Artful.

4.Gary Busey dodges draft.
Big Wednesday is a classic. The movie captures the essence of what it means to be a surfing scofflaw and while Jan-Michel Vincent was its handsome star and went on to have many great successes Gary Busey steals his thunder here.

3. Bodhi surfing Bells Beach.
The Hundred Year Storm that was prophesied in the original Point Break film was everything. Our hearts were in our throats as Bodhi and John Utah tussled on the sand a we were all winners that they did not move the event to Winkipop that day. Vaya con dios.

 

2. Mahalo you fucking surfers.
You goddamn nerds. This sums up everything. It is us and it is beautiful to behold. Kenny Power titty fucking the wave. Sponging up the ocean with his big ol’ dick. It is perfection. Clean, simple perfection.

 

1. Shaun Tomson + Shane Dorian.
In a surprise to no one who actually surfs, the great Shaun Tomson having a heart-felt chat with Shane Dorian is the best surf clip of all time. If you don’t have tears in your eyes after watching then you are not a surfer at all. You are just a goddam nerd.

Yago Dora
There's enough acid in Yago's surfing to burn a hole in your carpet! Just ask Kolohe, John John, Gabriel and MIck Fanning! | Photo: WSL

Yago Dora Gifted Fiji Pro Wildcard!

Derek Rielly

By

Crushes Kolohe, JJ, Gabriel and Mick in Rio. Now loosed in Fiji!

Don’t you love it when prophecies come true? Oh I don’t mean bleak Camp of the Saints sorta predictions but happy things, surf things.

For the last few years, What Youth and Volcom have been beating tambourines for twenty-year-old Brazilian Yago Dora. He’d appear in movie shorts, race-race-race-air etc. A South American Noa Deane but with a lesser thirst.

And, today, after his third place at the Oi Rio Pro, Yago will now compete at the OuterKnown Fiji Pro as a wildcard.

From the presser…

Yago Dora (BRA) caused a sensation as a wildcard at the Oi Rio Pro where he wreaked havoc by eliminating three WSL Champions, Mick Fanning (AUS), Gabriel Medina (BRA) and John John Florence (HAW) en route to the Semifinals, where he was defeated by eventual winner Adriano De Souza (BRA).
 
“I’m very thankful that the WSL has given me the wildcard to compete in Fiji,” said Yago. “Qualifying for the CT is my dream and another chance to surf against my heros in Fiji is unbelievable. I went to Fiji already this year to surf Cloudbreak. I didn’t get it perfect, but I got an idea of what the waves can do. I can’t wait for the event.”

Fanning, three-time WSL Champion, was eliminated by Dora at Saquarema and had this to say about the young Brazilian:
 
“I only started hearing about him (Dora) a couple of years ago – little snippets here and there,” Fanning said. “But to see him live…he’s the real deal. He’s a great surfer, and to take out as many World Champions as he did, that’s not something to sneeze at. I think he has a bright future. He’s only young, and he’s going to get really good. It’s exciting. I really like seeing the young guys come up and throwing a cat amongst the pigeons.”  
 
Dora will take on current WSL No. 2 Jordy Smith (ZAF) and Kanoa Igarashi (USA) in Heat 5 of Round 1.

Let’s re-watch Yago’s road to almost glory in Rio here.

 

 

Photo: Jack English
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