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Trump: America’s first pro surf president!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Donald J. Trump is someone who speaks our language!

Oh I know that Barack Obama grew up in Hawaii, liked to bodysurf, etc. That he has been pictured frolicking in the surf many times and that Donald J. Trump believes that exercise actually shortens a human life but just like Bill Clinton was America’s first black president, Donald J. is the country’s first professional surf president and most specifically its first professional surf contest announcing president.

How do I know?

Hyperbole!

Anyone who has watched more than one professional surf event know that hyperbole is the lingua franca. Every contest is the biggest/best/most important. Every heat is the biggest/best/most important. Every wave is the biggest/best/most important.

“He JAMS it off the top and WHOA!”

“He’s in deep, deeper, deepest and COMES OUT WITH THE SPIT!”

“We have never seen anything like this floater here from Adriano de Souza!”

Etc.

Today, Donald J. Trump told Coast Guard cadets, “No politician in history has been treated worse or more unfairly.” And he COMES OUT WITH THE SPIT!

More unfairly than the nice Jewish mayor of Leipzig, Germany in 1933.

More unfairly than the kind Andan Menderes of Turkey in 1960.

More unfairly, and treated worse, than any politician in history!

I know that all sports involve some sort of hyperbole but only professional surfing hyperbolizes Brazilian beachbreak.

We are Trump Country!