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Zing: Say hello to surfing’s Tom Brady!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

South Africa's Dale Staples gives John John concern!

Last week found me in a Santa Monica eatery later in the evening drinking a nice Sancerre and chatting with an extremely attractive woman whose attention seemed to flag right when I was delivering a particularly delightful surf journalism anecdote involving Matt Warshaw and Nick Carroll.

“Hmmmmm…” I thought. “…strange.”

I tried again, dipping into another very humorous reminiscence about that one time on the North Shore but still her eyes were still foggy, hovering somewhere over my shoulder.

Puzzled, I turned around. Sitting not four feet away was Tom Brady.

THE Tom Brady.

Quarterback of the New England Patriots. Husband of Gisele Bundchen.

And I’ll be damned if he wasn’t even more handsome in person than he is on TV. Perfect bone structure, a wonderful head of hair, blue blood jocky. An undeniable gravitas.

I instantly forgave my date and began to wonder why surfing didn’t have its own Tom Brady.

John John is so talented but… not handsome. Adriano is cute like a troll. Jordy has issues that extend beyond nipple-gate. Owen is a professional receding hairline. Wilko is less talented than John John and… way not handsome. Etc.

We must travel all the way down to Parko to find handsome but Parko is now handsome the way your grandfather is. Like, old and stately. Julian Wilson, next on the list is a total dreamboat but boy band dreamboat.

No surfer is, like, a Ralph Lauren advertisement.

Until today.

I was over on the World Surf League’s website when I saw this picture.

Well hell yes that face is most definitely John John’s cause for concern! But maybe I was seeing things? Maybe the body attached was round or something. Like Mick Lowe or something. I quickly clicked on the link and was delivered here.

And look at that Dale Staples! Not round at all with a hairline so fierce, a jaw so strong that it has cast poor Matt Wilkinson (maroon sweater) into existential despair!

I raced over to Dale Staples’ Instagram account and was greeted by picture after picture of surfing’s new hunk.

What do you think? Is Dale Staples the most handsome man in professional surfing right now? Should John John be concerned?