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Zing: Say hello to surfing’s Tom Brady!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

South Africa's Dale Staples gives John John concern!

Last week found me in a Santa Monica eatery later in the evening drinking a nice Sancerre and chatting with an extremely attractive woman whose attention seemed to flag right when I was delivering a particularly delightful surf journalism anecdote involving Matt Warshaw and Nick Carroll.

“Hmmmmm…” I thought. “…strange.”

I tried again, dipping into another very humorous reminiscence about that one time on the North Shore but still her eyes were still foggy, hovering somewhere over my shoulder.

Puzzled, I turned around. Sitting not four feet away was Tom Brady.

THE Tom Brady.

Quarterback of the New England Patriots. Husband of Gisele Bundchen.

And I’ll be damned if he wasn’t even more handsome in person than he is on TV. Perfect bone structure, a wonderful head of hair, blue blood jocky. An undeniable gravitas.

I instantly forgave my date and began to wonder why surfing didn’t have its own Tom Brady.

John John is so talented but… not handsome. Adriano is cute like a troll. Jordy has issues that extend beyond nipple-gate. Owen is a professional receding hairline. Wilko is less talented than John John and… way not handsome. Etc.

We must travel all the way down to Parko to find handsome but Parko is now handsome the way your grandfather is. Like, old and stately. Julian Wilson, next on the list is a total dreamboat but boy band dreamboat.

No surfer is, like, a Ralph Lauren advertisement.

Until today.

I was over on the World Surf League’s website when I saw this picture.

Well hell yes that face is most definitely John John’s cause for concern! But maybe I was seeing things? Maybe the body attached was round or something. Like Mick Lowe or something. I quickly clicked on the link and was delivered here.

And look at that Dale Staples! Not round at all with a hairline so fierce, a jaw so strong that it has cast poor Matt Wilkinson (maroon sweater) into existential despair!

I raced over to Dale Staples’ Instagram account and was greeted by picture after picture of surfing’s new hunk.

What do you think? Is Dale Staples the most handsome man in professional surfing right now? Should John John be concerned?

Gimme: The best surf vacation EVER!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Think, grey skies, cold water, pale girls and Bournemouth Cherry fans!

Are you home right now? Bored? Maybe you’re at work? Bored? Sitting there, staring at the computer screen twiddling your thumbs dreaming about better days? Well stand up, man! Stretch your hamstrings, throw your head to the fluorescents and let go a primal scream!

You only live once and I’ve got a once in a lifetime opportunity for you RIGHT HERE!

Think, grey skies, cold water, pale girls and Bournemouth Cherry fans.

Think Cornwall in newly single and ready to mingle England!

The Newquay Activity Center right there of Fistral Beach has just released a news letter detailing some various activities and providing instruction for the BEST TIME EVER. Let’s read some of the offerings.

British pro Sam Lamiroy offers exclusive surf coaching at Newquay Activity Centre

Fistral Beach Crowned No.1 in UK by Sunday Times

Are you ready for the Cornwall Castaway? Our Newest adventure activity is launched.

Eco Super Stand Up Paddleboard Tour – the most incredible way to experience Newquay’s coast.

Newquay Activity Centre abseil in to a cove with celebrity chef Nathan Outlaw

How to paddle out on a surfboard – instruction video from our own Surf Pro Johnny Fryer

What’s more there is an opportunity to win a free Rip Curl and Carve goodie bag for all bookings during Boardmasters.

Are you even kidding me?

Let’s now watch Johnny Fryer’s how to paddle instructional video.

Have you ever heard of a better surf pro name than Johnny Fryer?

And are you still staring at your computer?

Stop now and get thee to Cornwall! Adventure awaits…

Breaking: Human Chain Saves Lives in FL!

Michael Ciaramella

by Michael Ciaramella

Who needs lifeguards when you've got 80 of the world's greatest friends?

Last week New Jersey got a lot of play on this site due to its bizarre beachside happenings. But if we are to be honest (and what is BeachGrit if not an oasis of hard-hitting truths?), when it comes to strange occurrences in the States, Florida is the undisputed epicenter of all things weird.

That’s why it comes as no surprise when, just this morning, I read about an 80-human chain that was used to rescue a drowning family in Panama City Beach. They had, just like every drowning family before them, gotten caught in a riptide. But let’s pick it up from the Washington Post:

Roberta Ursrey was among those caught in the treacherous rip currents. From 100 yards away in the Gulf of Mexico, between crashing waves and gulps of salt water, she heard the shouting, she told The Washington Post.

By then, Ursrey and the other eight people stranded with her had already been in the water for nearly 20 minutes, fighting for their lives. Ursrey and the others had ventured into the water to rescue her two sons, Noah, 11, and Stephen, 8, who had gotten separated from their family while chasing waves on their boogie boards.

And goddamnit! Our oppressively addictive sport has done it again. Will these children, aged eight and eleven, who are clearly infected with the surf bug, be forever remembered as Rip Current Cadavers One and Two? Will their non-helpful family members perish alongside? Let’s find out!

On shore, the human chain began forming, first with just five volunteers, then 15, then dozens more as the rescue mission grew more desperate.

Jessica and Derek Simmons swam past the 80 or so human links, some who couldn’t swim, and headed straight for the Ursreys, using surf and boogie boards to aid their rescue efforts.

“I got to the end, and I know I’m a really good swimmer,” Jessica Simmons told the News Herald. “I practically lived in a pool. I knew I could get out there and get to them.”

She and her husband started with the children, passing Noah and Stephen back along the human chain, which passed them all the way to the beach.

By the time Jessica Simmons reached Ursrey, the 34-year-old mother could hardly keep her head above water.

“I’m going to die this way,” Ursrey thought to herself, she told The Post. “My family is going to die this way. I just can’t do it.”

So the boys have been saved, but what of their drowning mother and family members? Oh I’d love to tell you, but wouldn’t that be a little unfair to The Post, who worked so hard to compile this tale? You can read the ending here, and witness the amazing human feat below.

POV: Anthony Walsh goes to Namibia!

Derek Rielly

by Derek Rielly

Push the ether-soaked cotton-balls of Skeleton Bay's long tubes to your nostrils… 

Last month, the Australian-Born, Hawaii-based surfer/POV expert Anthony Walsh joined the conga line of goofyfooters to Africa’s south-west coast.

Mr Walsh, who is in his mid-thirties and was a middle-run qualifying series pro surfer for a time, is an expert in point-of -view cameras and the various accruements that you can buy for your GoPro. All the best shots from our Girl Goes into Orbit series earlier in the year, the drone flying through town, it soaring over the beach, the behind-the-surfer shots, all came from his expert hand.

It occurred to me, later, as I paid invoice after invoice that I could’ve just brought along Anthony, sat back, and watched it all unfurl.

Anyway,

Skeleton Bay, as you know, is the wave du jour, as was P-Pass in Micronesia a dozen years ago and, more recently, the points of Salina Cruz in Mexico. And Anthony likes nothing much more than pushing the ether-soaked cotton-balls of Skeleton Bay’s long tubes to his nostrils.

While this clip is hardly news, it is intimate and warm and gives the viewer the chance to inhale without the uncomfortable business of having to get to Africa and make an impossible drop in very cold water.

Watch!

Watch: The Battle of Venice-adjacent!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Stab and The Inertia's glorious turf war!

This is beyond a Blood Feud. This goes to the very heart of surf media itself. The very soul of everything that truly matters. And you well know that Bondi’s own Stab moved somewhere around Venice a year (or such) ago. You also well know that The Inertia makes its home just east of Venice’s official border.

I have well known this for a while too but I suppose it hasn’t really sunk in. Surfstitch property Stab is still Australian to me and The Inertia is still gender neutral.

But in real life there they both are, rubbing shoulders with Facebook and Nest very near Venice!

Do you think Stab people and The Inertia people run in to each other in Venice’s various artisan ice cream parlors? What do you think happens? Glares over goat cheese marionberry habanero ice cream cones? “This-once-trendy-suburb-ain’t-big-enough-for-the-both-of-us…” frowns whilst ordering a second scoop of avocado and strawberry sherbert?

I wish I was there.

Because Venice and Venice-adjacent is the fiery middle of surf journalism. The true center of hurt feelings, disappeared stories, quivering knees and thin passive-aggressive smiles.

This footage just came in, anyhow, of Stab and The Inertia mixing it up. Trading “blows” as it were.

Lucky bastards.