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Bullfight: Joel Tudor vs Shawn Stüssy!

Derek Rielly

by Derek Rielly

The two noted surfers on the ethics of killing bulls for kicks!

As surfers, we consider ourselves as God’s anointed. Therefore, it’s important that the bigger issues of life, more than just the volume of a man’s board, are discussed, examined and analysed.

Today, two surfers, the nineties retro-stud Joel Tudor, whom you’ve read about recently, here (“Crying is for baby girls!), here (“I’d kick you in the fucking knees!”) and here (Hypocrisy: Joel Tudor flouts no-booze rule!), goes at it with eighties shaper-turned-logo Shawn Stüssy.

The topic?

Bullfighting. 

Earlier today, Stüssy posted a photo of a torero, the curve of the bullfighter’s muscled hams splendid in his suit of lights, poised with his descabelloready for the kill.

A post shared by shawn stüssy (@shawnstussy) on

Tudor jumped on with,

“So sad to watch in person. I had no idea that the bull would get stabbed fifty times before these dudes show and get praised for being macho – the party and running was cool to participate in… seeing this after… not so much :(”

“(And) that thing below his horn is one of many swords still stuck in him by the sideshow clowns.”

Stüssy reeled in Tudor.

First.

“Very aware of the downsides of many of these archaic human practices, horse racing, circuses, boxing etc… I was drawing the parallels of body stance in relation to surfing… but as much as I am against the cruelty stuff for sure, this old school shit is when the world was different and I dig the romance of it all… I guess the world needs its safe room now from anything they do not agree with, you feel me?”

And.

“(The) flip side just for fun, go to a slaughter house and tell me how we should feel about that big ol’ steak after surfing or that hamburger our kids are chowing?… for me this insta thing is about imagery and vibe, not my place to stand on a soap box or try to sell you something… so remember that if your eyes come my way on this format I am not here to draw a line in the sand, make a puffed up stand on anything, just eye candy my brother.”

Tudor:

“Go see it in person – you will never respect these dudes afterwards.”

Among the commentariat, opinion was roughly divided.

Fashionsphinx: “I am from where they breed fighting bulls…south of Spain…in a proper bull fight the bull has as much a following as the fighter….those bulls are bred for fighting, it’s an ancient rare breed. If bullfighting goes so do those bulls…over…the breed will be finished. If you were a fighting bull how would you rather go? Fighting till the (maybe) end. Or sent to a slaughterhouse with the cows. Because the brave ones are so rare, the good ones are indicted and not killed.”

Nick Lopez: “I’ve been to one in Tijuana I think you guys are kinda wussy for saying this is sad yeah it’s sad but they do a lot with the meat after they don’t just leave it to rot and not only that the guy has a huge chance of getting his own ass jerked by the bull so don’t be a bitch.”

houseofbanafsheh: on this 💯- I think there is no beauty in any barbaric act! Although yes the clothing is lovely! The steps are lovely too but without a doubt, bottom line the act is cruel and barbaric! Although I do understand your reasons why your posted the shot but to many this image without a header is perceived as ” well I’m okay with this “! Therefore u will get backlashes! I curate shows and once I refused someone who wanted to show an image similar to this in a group show!”

Stüssy: “Right on @fashionsphinx, this is what I am trying to say, shit is real, world is fucked up, pick who or what you wanna hate on… but remember two sides to any discussion… just because we live in this modern world, does not mean we cast aside culture that came before without compassion for their point of view… anyway, way too heavy of a discussion when I just dug the stance of the man, simple…”

My favourite is the so-not-serious susannemelanieberry, the mixed-media artist: “hate the activity, love the outfits… and any nice ass shot.”

Got an opinion on bullfighting?

I tried to be tough when I went but couldn’t buy it. Oh I wept!

Kickstarter: Dolphin Slayer Video Game!

Steve Van Rees

by Steve Van Rees

And other Kickstarter campaigns we'd love to see!

The following investment opportunities are not real and intended only for entertainment purposes (unless you think otherwise, you know what I mean?).

Hello, boys and girls. Thanks for visiting my Kickstarter page.

I’ve got a few new products just for us surfers and I want YOU to be a part. I want to spread the wealth to all my tri-finned friends. Why? Because I care. Because we’re bound together by the tides.  And nothing is stronger than that.

Except cash. We just need a little green to get us going, pals.

Getting in on this action is gonna cost a measly couple of bucks, but well worth it on the back end. Whaddya gonna do with those bills in your pocket, anyway?

Buy wax? Scrape that off of your neighbor’s boards at night?

You gotta jump on one of these. Big cash guaranteed, friends.

A NEW GAMING SERIES

Dolphin Slayer: 

You’ve always wanted to jump on the back of one. But admit it, you’ve sort of always wanted to punch one, too. Now’s your chance. Let’s make this video game for everyone who gets the crap scared out of them when those little pretenders, one of these wannabe threshers pops up next to us. “Oh, look at me, everyone. My trachea is anterior of my brain.” Big deal. Gimme some money to put this game into production. Digital payback.

Climate Assassins:

Grand theft what? Famed diver Jacques Mayol said, “We are inseparable from mother earth.  We are one.” But he never made it to level three. This one’ll be on shelves within a couple months. You can waste your time with junk like memorizing right-angle postulates, considering a reverse mortgage, and learning how to read. Or you can lay some cash down and make a killing.

Landfill-Seafill:

Remember when you and your friends used to put pieces of pumpernickel bread on your shoes and wait for a seagull to come by so you could kick it? It’s like that kind of fun, only better. In our new online concept, players can compete against the best virtual polluters in the world. Give what you can. Take the rest.

DISPOSABLE WETSUITS

Supposedly, one in three hundred people in the U.S. have a peanut allergy. Well, guess what? Boo-hoo. The other 299 of us have bigger problems than a little throat swelling – like what to do with old, dry-rotting wetsuits.

So, here’s the gig: These wetsuits have a brick-sized pouch on the inside. When you’re done with the suit, just quietly slip a few rocks in the pouch and let it peacefully sink down on top of your favorite break. Just Pop and Drop, baby! Instant reef and your wetsuit is never seen again. No mess and it’s gone for good. Just like in Landfill-Seafill!  Here’s your opportunity to be a part of the solution. And it’s just good science.

DISPOSABLE WETSUIT CRAP BAG

You want disruptive technology? How ‘bout a little built-in breakaway crap bag fo ya? How’s that for disruptive? How many times have you borrowed your friend’s seal -lined wetsuit only to return in with your leftovers still in it? Awkward, right? But not anymore. This little neoprene add-on can rip right off after you take care of business. Just tear the velcro seal and toss it away. No mess, no explanations. Just watch as the bag floats away peacefully down the line. Biodiversity at its finest.

PAVE THE BAY CAMPAIGN

Ok, forget about the wetsuit thing for a second. You want a real investment, don’t you? That bridge in San Fran is just one big hassle – and – you – know – it. Oh, sure. You say, “Shouldn’t we be transforming our world into something greater? Shouldn’t we be evolving as a species?” Evolving? Darwin married his cousin. What we really want is easy access to waves, am I right? Bang. Toll-bridge cash, every day, baby. Help me get this done.

SUPER-SAVER SURF ADVENTURES

My uncle Bert told me stories about his trips to South America in the sixties. Unfortunately, Uncle Bert ended up getting arrested for seeing too many colors. Now you can go on a great surf trip like Bert, too, but without the jail time or melting face. Paraguay awaits!

Yes, South America, friend. Land of endless lefts. Of course, you can waste your money draggin’ your board on the rocks all the way back up the point at Chicama, eat a fried guinea pig on the way while you’re at it. Or… visit me in Paraguay! No crowded waves, no long paddles, no nothing. That’s right. No sardine-packed line ups, no problems.

GUARANTEED!*

PUMPERNICKEL

I need five bucks for some pumpernickel. Meet me at O-side Pier. Saturday.

*Not guaranteed.

Kelly Slater Surf Ranch Opens to Public!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Six am to 11 pm every day! Fifty jobs!

Bored with normal vacations? Tired of the same old same old? Sick of going along with the crowd? Well has Kelly Slater ever got an idea for you! His Lemoore, California Surf Ranch is set to open to the public and, trust me, it won’t disappoint. I know because my ex-wife lived near Lemoore, a hot, middle-of-California cow town some 120 miles from the beach.

But don’t take my word for it. Let’s read the local paper!

With some major upgrades and tweeks to the wave generation options, Slater and his investors now plan to expand the operation year-round and open 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. according to a new conditional use permit application filed with the county this summer.

The application says the ranch will be staffed with 50 employees, who will continue to do development of prototype wave generation systems.

It also says the facility will have a recreational use as well, offering competitive surfing events with outdoor music and camping for visitors. They are asking for a permit to hold large events – attracting as many as 8,000 visitors, six times a year.

Called Surf Ranch, the application says:

“Operations under this SRCUP will permit up to six events per calendar year, including recreational and competitive surfing events, and ancillary music performances during a two-to-four day period (i.e. Thursday through Sunday evening). Event operation time will be from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. Attendance is estimated to be up to 8,000 guests per day, over a two-to-four day period. Temporary bleachers, sound equipment, and lighting equipment may be setup for events and live music performances. Parking will be provided on site during the events. Contracted services will include traffic control, security, temporary lighting, potable water, portable toilets, wash stations, and trash services for each event. “

The project would also use the abandoned golf course to the east of the ranch located north of Jackson Avenue and west of 18th Avenue.

8000 guests per day over a two-to-four day period? It sounds like Kelly Slater is going to create a new Coachella/Splendor in the Grass/Guantanamo Bay Super All-Star Jam!

Of course I basically reported this one month ago but then it was just whispers on a warm wind. Now it is fact!

Will you go to his music festival? Who do you think will headline?

Also, it probably won’t be called “Kelly Slater Music Fest” but what do you think it should be called?

Rumor: Inertia to criminalize US Open!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Mountain blog allegedly thinks those who attend event should be locked up!

Venice-adjacent’s favorite safe space is taking its team to Huntington Beach this weekend for the grand finale of the U.S. Open of Surfing. Of course The Inertia’s gluten free bread n coconut butter is yoga n exposing those who harm animals but the alt-left website also allegedly covers surfing. And they are allegedly set to cover the biggest surf event in the whole world by sending a police sketch artist instead of a photographer.

That’s right. A deeply entrenched source told me of Zach Weisberg and co’s plan. The overarching theme will apparently be that those who both attend and participate in the U.S. Open of Surfing, most from California’s inland towns, hard-working, blue collar, salt of the earth, Trump Country folk are criminals. Bad, dirty, criminals. This sort of broad categorization and shaming, race-baiting even, is in line with the mountain climbing blog’s ethos but still shocking to see in such bald form.

Or wait. Maybe the deeply entrenched source told me that The Inertia was going to bring a caricature artist instead of a photographer. That the overarching theme will apparently be those who both attend and participate in the U.S. Open of Surfing, men and women who work with their hands and attend community colleges are clowns. Amusement park clowns there for coastal-adjacent liberal elites to openly mock.

Sad.

Debate: Is Loving Sharks So Wrong?

Steve Van Rees

by Steve Van Rees

Man who loves sharks rides on back of the biggest of them all!

“Can’t we all just get along?”

Rodney King’s clarion call (well, almost clarion: his jaw was wired shut) has finally reached the Middle East. While King was referring to us, the dictum rings true for another pairing:

Shark and man together.

Kelly wants them culled (on Reunion), but maybe he should consider the approach of Iranian fisherman Rahmat Hosseini. Last week Hosseini might have just changed the dynamic between people and sharks.

نهنگ سواری امروز.روزهای اواخر صیادی

A post shared by Rahmat (@rahmat.hosseini.71) on

Of course, Instagram people became very mad.

Erin.michele1: What the hell is wrong with you?! This is disgusting and horrific. I’m surprised you are even still alive with your level of stupidity you have.

sandraphalicia: This is ANIMAL ABUSE!!! You think that it liked the whale shark to have taken it
for a surfboard?

pj.jabines:  What IDIOTS would do just to gain popularity.

 golddustkitten: You belong in jail!

luvislandsbb: dirty arabs abusing animals classic durka durka jihad.

VanRees: I haven’t been this sick since listening to The Surfers “Alone by a Tree” (OK. I wrote this.)

There were countless other insensitive posts, far too funny to include, but you get the idea.

Maybe these angry humanists are right. Hosseini’s act is not courageous, but rather a barbaric expression of our contempt for nature.

But let’s not be depressive.

What say you? New sport or arrestable offense?

Is petting animals with your feet wrong?