Looks fun! Do you think John John is pleased that his coach can do a single fin floater while he (John John) loses world title?
Looks fun! Do you think John John is pleased that his coach can do a single fin floater while he (John John) loses world title? | Photo: Tom Bennett/WSL

WSL: Ross fiddles while John burns!

Chas Smith

By

John John Florence falls out of the WSL lead. Who is to blame?

Didn’t just last year John John Florence seem absolutely unbeatable? He had just won his first world title, earlier than many had predicted, by dominating all comers in any condition. He was master of the ledgy left, master of the piddly beach break, master of the full-bodied right, master of the air, master of the barrel, master of the open face, master of high intensity brawls and master of low intensity sleepers.

John John won his first world title and certainly a second would follow. Who could possibly stand in his way? Gabriel Medina?

Ha!

Jordy Smith?

Double ha!

Matt Wilkinson?

More ha ha ha has than exists in every single Silicon Valley episode to date! (Do you watch? You simply must!)

And then John John went and hired Ross Williams away from the World Surf League’s booth to be his coach. A smart move. Ross was always one of the best, delivering heat analysis on the fly that made 3/4 sense. He would definitely guide John John through the perils of a sophomore slump. He would provide just enough oomph and, like, ummm strategic advice.

And the year started fabulously. A 3rd at Snapper and a 1st at Mags and a 3rd at Bells. Oh the year was going to be a laugher and John John was going to have the title wrapped before we even got to re-fall in love with Rosie.

But then a 13th in Rio and a 13th in Fiji and a 5th at J-Bay waves custom made for John John’s turns and airs. Suddenly the yellow jersey was gone. But no problem right? Tahiti was next.

Teahupoo!

A wave built for his bulbous rear!

A wave invented for his thicker ankles!

Still. Pressure. He needed strategy in case the forecast was not 100% stellar. He needed his coach to be studied up, in a boat, throwing hand signs for where to sit, when to paddle, how to impress the judges.

But Ross Williams was not in a Teahupoo boat. He was staying instead at a luxury resort in the Maldives and surfing a Rob Machado shaped single fin, himself, against Shane Dorian, CJ Hobgood, Maya Gabeira, Rob Machado and Ismail Miglal in the most decadent competition on the planet.

The Four Seasons Maldives Surfing Champions Trophy.

Ross said:

This is the first time I have ever had Rob shape me boards, he shaped me two twin fins and a single fin. I surf a bit on twin fins but I haven’t surfed a lot of single fins. I learned on a Ken Bradshaw single when I was 8 and haven’t really had one since, I’ve only mucked around on them when hanging at Jack’s (Jack Johnson) house on the North Shore. I’ve surfed the single fin a few times now and it feels really good, it turns well and feels really smooth. I think it’s a great little board.

While John John got another 5th in Tahiti and lost the yellow jersey to Jordy “double ha” Smith.

Ross didn’t win either.

And do you think Ross William’s stock is higher or lower right now than Steve Bannon’s?

Hacked: The Inertia gets compromised!

Chas Smith

By

An act of evil or a blessing to all?

There was much big news yesterday including Prince getting his own Pantone shade (officially called Love Symbol #2), reports that the Iranian government increased military spending and neo-Nazi website The Daily Stormer’s claim that it was hacked by Anonymous before being pulled down by GoDaddy and then Google.

Anonymous denied that it had been involved and released a Twitter statement suggesting it was a publicity stunt, engineered by The Daily Stormer’s founder, since no web service would agree to host his site anymore.

Also, Venice-adjacent SUP yoga blog The Inertia’s comment section became absent.

I was made aware of the issue around 2:00 PM Pacific Standard Time. A concerned BeachGrit reader emailed:

Just an FYI, but The Inertia’s comments section is down. It’s a never ending scroll through ads and old articles. Kinda odd, but they seem very sensitive.

Immediately putting a stop to my birthday celebration, I raced over to The Inertia and saw that it was, indeed, a never ending scroll through ads (mostly how men can get rid of the bags under their eyes) and old articles (mostly about doctors discovering how to make foot calluses “vanish.”)

No comment section at all.

Then I spent the next four hours pondering the various possible reason for its disappearance. Was it:

a) Hacked by Anonymous in order to stop “The khakification of everything in the entire world.”

b) Pulled down by founder Zach Weisberg as a protest against a surge in local Bikram yoga pricing.

c) Disappeared by concerned The Inertia readers who felt the safe space wasn’t safe enough.

d) Accidentally turned off during The Inertia staff’s mandatory Monday colon hydrotherapy n dance party.

e) Taken by scientists examining what happens to human beings who have had their senses of humor completely removed.

f) Other.

What do you think?

The Facts: WSL vs Breitbart!

Derek Rielly

By

WSL pulls ads from right-wing website, not the other way around…

Mea culpa etc. Yesterday, it was revealed, here, that the WSL had banned Breitbart ads from appearing on the site during the broadcast of the Billabong Pro Tahiti final.

A victory for echo chambers, safety spaces and so forth.

Breitbart, as we might as well explain again, is a right-leaning website created by two Jews in response to what they saw as the relentless leftism of popular media and its demonisation of Israel.

It ain’t my bowl of hummus, if I’m to be honest, but neither are the flabby opinions on Salon, Mother Jones or the Huff Post. But  I do like to read both sides and find a position somewhere in the middle.

Anyway, thanks to sharp-eyed reader and podcaster David Scales, we got it the wrong way around. It wasn’t Breitbart ads appearing on the WSL broadcast and subsequently getting removed by the WSL (at the behest of noted San Diego surfer Richard Kenvin) but the other way around.

The WSL was shovelling paid ads onto Breitbart! 

Kenvin had sent a screenshot of the Breitbart home page to the WSL who, in an understandable panic they’d be labelled as an offshoot of the KKK only a day after race riots in Virginia, quickly pulled the ads.

The WSL has since assured BeachGrit the “appropriate filters are in place” so this sorta thing “doesn’t happen in the future.”

Oh, and here’s my little exchange with Kenvin.

DR: I just saw that you’d singlehandedly managed to get the Breitbart ads off the WSL site. 

RK: Little old me? Oh, I’m such a homebody! I like cats and serious non-fiction books.

DR: At least, I think so, I missed the previous post.

RK: Yeah, I deleted it.

DR: I want to run a story on BeachGrit. So I ask…

RK: BeachGrit? Whats that? Oh I get it. BeachBart. BreitBeach.

"Let it go, let it go Turn away and slam the door I don't care what they're going to say Let the storm rage on. The cold never bothered me anyway!"
"Let it go, let it go Turn away and slam the door I don't care what they're going to say Let the storm rage on. The cold never bothered me anyway!"

Gabriel Medina: A Trail of Tears!

Chas Smith

By

No one lets it go like surfing's naughty boy!

It is my birthday today and I am choosing to spend it with Gabriel Medina. Professional surfing’s favorite bad boy. Professional surfing’s naughtiest minx. I’m choosing to swim in a fountain of his wonderful tears.

And how do you want your first runner up to act on the podium? Do you wish for him to be genteel? Congratulatory to the winner? Full of praise for the event, fans, staff, God?

Or do you wish for him to be so bothered that liquid frustration pours from his very eyes?

I pray for the latter! Look at the above screen grab from the Tahiti Pro ceremony where Julian Wilson was given the 1st place trophy and Gabriel Medina was given the 2nd place platter. Study the glistening eyes. Survey the tightness of the downturned mouth. It is a study in anguish and it is what I want to see from the first loser.

And now let’s continue our tour as we examine some other classic moments when professional surfing’s smoothest criminal let it go.

Happy birthday to me indeed.

And while we’re speaking of my birthday… what do you think happens to Rip Curl sales when Gabriel Medina cries? Do you think surfers are heartened by his passion and run to the outlet mall for rash guard and walk short purchases or do you think surfers prefer the #fakenews of typical back-patting “the better man won today” sportsmanship nonsense?

I hope tears = Rip Curl rash guards + walk shorts.

But do you want more crying surfers?

Happy birthday to you too!

Smooth: Gabriel Medina’s “big heart!”

Chas Smith

By

The best bad guy in World Surf League history!

Yesterday’s Tahiti final, wherein Australia’s Julian Wilson extricated himself from needing a combination of scores by picking two waves, one under priority, and surfed them near perfectly thus vanquishing Gabriel Medina and the dreams of a proud South American nation, was so wonderfully dramatic.

And it was grand to see Julian Wilson so happy on the boat afterward reveling in the praise and the surreality but the star of the entire Teahupo’o’o show was none other than Gabriel Medina.

For Medina’s semifinal heat against Kolohe Andino and then his finals run against Wilson were cinema. Pure Hollywood.

Mr. Steve Sheare’r described the action better than I ever could but what thrilled me the most was that for the first time maybe ever surfing actually has a villain. A proper bad guy. An evildoer who possesses enough skill, talent, knowledge and drive to win many more events and possibly many more titles.

Most professional surf fans look back so fondly on the Andy Irons vs. Kelly Slater years and they were very fun with Andy occupying the bad boy role and Kelly playing the good boy. Both were near equally loved and cheered which was entertaining but…

…the visceral hatred pouring out against Medina is art.

The way he got under both Kolohe and Julian’s skin through tactical annoyance. The way they both fell directly into his trap. The way that most professional surf fans took to comment boards and social media to decry the “poor sportsmanship.” Julian Wilson (after getting very lucky, let’s just be honest) could only muster, “Gabriel Medina has a big heart. Let’s leave that one in the water.”

It could not have been better. I swore, near the end of the semifinal, that I saw Kolohe kick his board toward Gabriel. I have watched the highlights replay now twice and can’t find it so it must not have happened but in my mind it did and that is the performance Gabriel Medina is delivering. So full-throated, so all in, that I imagine egregious acts.

Gabriel Medina is a method actor. He is Billy Zane in Titanic. He is Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. He is Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest.

He is bad and it’s so good!

Photo: Justin Jay/@justinjayphoto
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