Surfing's creative director Pete Taras goes over
architectural plans. Should there be a glory hole? Why
yes!
Rumor: Surfing Mag to launch surf
shops!
By Chas Smith
Stalwart surf publication to open physical
location! In this market! Warren Buffett says, "Brilliant!"
Is there anything doing worse, in our beloved
surf world, than media?
Why yes!
Yes there is!
Retail!
The consumer has completely changed her habits over the
past five years. When he used to see something he wanted, say a
pair of Mick Fanning beer bottle sandals from Reef, he would
shuffle down to his local surf shop and purchase. When she used to
see something she couldn’t live without, say a Roxy boardshort, she
would beg her mom to drop her off down the street but end up at her
local surf shop and purchase.
Now it is Amazon. Sorry surf shop!
But God bless Surfing Magazine because rumor has it
they are jumping into that depressed space with both Mick Fanning
beer bottle sandal from Reef feet!
Do you remember only a few short years ago when Surfer
opened a bar on Oahu’s North Shore?
Now there are multiple franchises and the money is pouring
in.
I mocked the idea when I first saw it but it was only from
jealousy. Surfers are drunks and bars a great idea.
But retail?
I suppose it could make great sense. Surfing could
highlight product, etc. and then direct traffic directly to brick
and mortar locations. Buy today! Like Stab/Stitch except
good.
Plus the Surfing name has history and mean
something.
Anyhow, the great Warren Buffett once said, “I will tell
you how to become rich. Close the doors. Be fearful when others are
greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful.”
Opening a surf shop today is super greedy. And maybe wonderful!
Surfing magazine’s creative director Pete Taras is going
to be rich!
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Doomsday comes to Cape Fear! Richie Vas, pictured here,
likes bare-knuckle fighting and bare knuckle surf. Does your blood
pressure rocket when you study this photo? | Photo: Red Bull
Content Pool
Bare-Knuckle: Red Bull Smashes WSL!
By Chas Smith
The morning's headlines scream: Give us more
Savages of the East!
Yesterday there were two surf competitions
being broadcast at the same exact time. One featured the world’s
best surfers in pleasant, crystalline waves. The other, mostly
insane children of children of children of convicts throwing
themselves onto the rocks of Botany Bay.
Did you know that Botany Bay, just south of Sydney’s CBD, was
the site of James Cook’s first landing in Australia? There he saw
wild plants and, to his European eyes, strange people. He called
the aboriginals “Savages of the East.”
And maybe Red Bull should rename the Cape Fear event
Savages of the East. It has a ring, no?
Australian Storm Sees Daredevil Surfers Risk Lives! –Huff
Post
Des vagues mutantes en Australie! –L’Equipe
Cape Fear smashes big wave riders after Sydney storms!
–Australian Times
There’s an insane surfing competition on right now!
–Business Insider
Etc.
The morning’s headlines for the Fiji Pro?
Fanning stumbles on return to tour –Gold Coast
Bulletin
But Mick won his heat didn’t he? Maybe the writers at the
Gold Coast Bulletin don’t know because they switched over
to Savages of the East and stopped watching. Like everyone
else.
And of course it is very unfair to compare a one day specialty
event with a day of round 2/3 action. Apples to oranges. Except is
it? Both featured surfing. One just featured the sort that is easy
to understand. Man vs. man. Big waves. Consequences.
The problem for the WSL is that the apparent broad appeal of
Savages of the East is exactly the type of audience it is
trying to capture. CEO Paul Speaker needs non-surfers, like
himself, to watch, buy jerseys, cheer on favorites.
But just look at yesterday’s Fiji judging. It was almost
impossible, even for seasoned and crusty vets, to understand the
scores being posted. Ross Williams said at some point, “At the end
of the day they (the judges) just try and get the result right (for
the entire heat).”
i.e. it is all nonsense.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love wild outliers like The Eddie,
Savages of the East, etc. but, at heart, I’m a WSL man. I
enjoy the slog, the arbitrary weirdness, Tweeting with Matt Warshaw
about the arbitrary weirdness. I also love test cricket and extra
innings’ baseball.
And that’s the thing. Professional surfing will only ever be for
a tiny few. To pretend otherwise is to be an asshole.
CEO Paul Speaker is an asshole.
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The 18-year-old Australian Russell Bierke has his hair
finger combed by the great gusts of spit at Cape Solander. | Photo:
Brett Hemmings / Red Bull Content Pool
Doomsday comes to “Cape Fear!”
By Derek Rielly
Twelve-foot Cape Solander aka Cape Fear rockets
your blood pressure. Day one!
While Fiji swam in bath-water warm four-foot lefts,
with losing competitors appearing shirtless at the bar minutes
after a losing heat, Cape Fear, as Cape Solander is called, was all
rage and fists and knots and quivering hearts.
For a moment, we’ll study the press release.
Red Bull Cape Fear, Sydney’s one-of-a-kind invitation-only
surf competition ran through two hours of battles in extreme waves
on the edge of Botany Bay today. Competition was put on-hold for
the first few hours of the day as contest officials waited for the
out-of-control conditions to relent enough for surfers to take to
the water.
After Red Bull Cape Fear was called on a selection of
Australia’s best slab riding specialists went to work in the
biggest waves ever ridden at this infamous break. The paddle-in
portion of the event was cancelled as it was deemed impossible to
surf these waves without being towed-in by a jet ski.
“I think everyone in the event would agree this is the
biggest the Cape has ever been surfed,” said Thornton. “I was
really nervous before the event started, then once I got out on the
back on the jet ski I was pumped up and ready to go. I didn’t want
to wait too long before I got my first wave because I knew the
nerves would build again, and thankfully managed to get a good one
early. Even though I got absolutely smashed at the end of the
battle it’s going to be a surf I remember for a long time, with one
great wave and one of the worst wipeouts I’ve ever had.”
After two battles the event team re-assessed the conditions
and confirmed the event would be postponed until tomorrow.
At the halfway mark of competition Justen Allport is leading
with a score of 15.25, ahead of Russell Bierke and Evan Faulks in
second and third respectively. Allport was taken to hospital for
assessment after a wipeout at the end of his heat, but is in a
stable condition.
The ledge at Cape Solander, on the southern tip of Sydney’s
Botany Bay, straightens up and glares at you. Your blood pressure
rockets. You’re paralysed by the doomsday import of the threat.
You watch it and you can see yourself accepting the rope
and… today… with the rarest of twelve-foot north east swells
slamming shut the usual escape route into the channel, oh you know
how it ends.
And did you know the very famous film director and skate brand
maven and actor Spike Jonze was there, on the very tip of Cape
Solander, absorbing the thrills? I turned to a pal,
the art director of the wonderful Monster
Children, whom I figured would’ve gone to Spike’s
sell-out speech at Sydney’s Vivid Festival and asked how he went
and he turned on his heels a little to reveal the infinitely
precious object himself.
So, yeah, heat nine. Really slowing down
here. About to nod off. Kerr is beating Andino with 7
and a half minutes left. Rosy’s wearing a billowing blouse number
and my wife won’t go for a hump because I’m “way too drunk.”
And she’s making me turn off the contest so she can watch
Game of Thrones. I’m terribly abused. But
there’ll probably be tits. That’s okay.
Sandor Clegane is still alive. Wife says he’s gonna fight
zombie Mountain. Who cares?
Filthy dirty weirdo religious guy chats with the hot chick with
nice tits and a killer smirk. I swear, ever GoT plot point can be
solved by just stabbing some motherfucker.
Red beard bear fucker is following the guy who died but not
really. The wife says giants are all vegetarians, as though
that’s interesting.
Eighteen minutes in and no tits.
Whoops. Fell asleep on the couch. What’d I miss?
Andino’s gone. Bourez blessed my fantasy team and made it
through. Buchan slays the mother of dragons. Coffin/Cathels
is in the water. I’m struggling to focus. Kind of
bored. Worried I missed some magic moments.
Day’s done. Likely lay days in the near future. I can’t
maintain over eight hours of drinking. Maybe Derek or Chas
can fill in anything I missed on the back third.
But Strider is talking about how “The waves actually were really
fun out there. The waves were… you could rock up to anywhere you
lived, at your home break, and be like, it’s going off.”
So I suspect I’m okay.
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SeaBass dazzles but loses to little Kainoa Igarashi! |
Photo: WSL
Parker reports, live, Day Two, Fiji
Pro!
By Rory Parker
SeaBass out! Fanning wins! Taj Burrow menacing!
Ocean comes alive as Fanning/Otton begins.
White Lightning wins the exchange with rail work. Otton in the
shade a bit, only earns a 6.19 to Mick’s 8.17.
Pottz talking about Mick’s year off. He didn’t take a year off.
He’s just working part time, contract basis. And while I don’t hold
it against him it’s really nothing more but special treatment
handed to a top draw by a governing body. Totally violates rules
regarding event participation. Not fair to the other guys on tour.
If he doesn’t care about a title he doesn’t belong in the water.
This is sport, damnit! Not some feel good exhibition where everyone
wins once the checks clear.
Can we start calling Alejo Muniz the Brazilian Caveman?
Rosy Hodge is the type of woman I won’t even bother talking to
because I know she’s so much better than me.
Looked away for a moment, glanced back to Otton in a mile long
closeout hell barrel. It’s turning on!
But I’m confused and it’s from last year and he got a 2.83 at
some point so he’s in the lead but not by doing anything
radical.
Otton’s always on my fantasy team in solid barrels. Except for
this event because I fucked up and somehow picked Bourez instead. I
love Michel’s surfing but I don’t consider him a solid pick. Not
consistent enough. But I suck at fantasy surfing. It’s almost like
I write about surfing every day but don’t know shit about it
because I’m just an empty headed blow hard.
Fanning keeps the lead with two good turns on a close out. Otton
grabs a long wave, links turns, gets covered, but it’s scored less.
I feel differently. I think Otton demonstrated more skill.
But the replay shows Mick’s second turn is absolutely bonkers.
I’m wrong. Mick deserves the win, thus far. Even though I don’t
think he belongs in the event at all.
Lost a little time there. Fanning is still in, which doesn’t
matter for his career. Otton is out, which totally matters for
his.
Sent the wife to the store for smokes and some juice. Adding POG
to my Piper Sonoma Brut. More sugar equals more power.
The wife’s fave move is to entice me then pass out. Many times,
been there. One drunk night she made me take viagra ‘cuz I was
pushing rope. Then went blank. Rather than hump her prone form I
followed her into blackness. Woke up early morning with the best
boner I’ve ever had.
This was somewhere around fifteen years ago. We met young, she
still lived at home.
While I was getting my shit together, glorious priapism thrust
into the breeze, her mom walked in. Lots of eye contact, can’t say
I was ashamed of what I had on offer. Damn proud. Damn proud.
And that’s how I met your mother, is what I would say if we
hadn’t paid a few doctors to murder our potential children.
Best money I ever spent.
Too dark?
Nat Young and Dusty Payne. Nat’s a contest machine, Dusty is a
free surf hero who belongs in a world where sponsors put more
importance on clips than results.
Gotta focus. Payne on a ugly inside sucker. Difficult surfing,
he’s in the lead.
Surfing’s second Nat Young grabs a barrel to impressive hit to
closeout bonk. D-Payne behind dismantling over-vert lips. Nat again
with what is almost the best double barrel of the contest but he
just can’t come out.
No idea what the judges think.
9.33 for Payne. 6.23 for the kid from wetsuit land. The Albino
Miracle finds himself combo’ed with the clock ticking.
Nat on a square drainer to come out of comboland. Still needs a
big score on another.
One minute left, needs an 8.41, Nat’s Nat and That’s That snaps
into a runner tube and hopes and hopes and hopes. For a 5.93. Wait,
no, that’s what he got. He’s done, Dusty advances.
Okay, how the fuck did my dog get his paws on an entire stick of
butter? Because I just found him hiding in a nook and eating one.
Still cold from the fridge too. Something’s going on here. Everyone
is against me.
Bottle two done.
The wife thinks our dog’s butter theft is hilarious. Because she
doesn’t have to clean up whatever it is he sprays from whichever
end it comes out of.
Ciao! Ibelli and Taj “Cuddle Monster” Burrow is on. Last heat
was hot, this’ll be a wave catching contest. ‘Cuz that’s how life
works.
Caio with a good barrel to huge backside smash. Taj gets more
turns, less critical. My mind says Caio. How ’bout dem judges?
Ronnie “Strong Jawline” Blakey says the judges don’t care this
is Taj’s last comp. Why would they? A shark never nibbled his
bottom.
Ciao with a stylee snap to layback. Cool cool cool. “I didn’t
mind it,” says Ross.
Low scores for good surfing. I like it. Numbers don’t really
matter, only first does. I hope we’re seeing the end of nothing
between 3 and 6. I know we aren’t.
Ross says Maurice Cole was the one who told Taj to skip his
first qualifying year on tour. I never knew that. Does Maurice hate
me? Maybe.
Mr Debs, super dog, is barfing butter everywhere. That’s just
dandy! Which is pretty close to my suggested title for our video
series. Absolutely Dandy w/ Chas Smith is great.
Genius. Sadly unrecognized.
I got another FB friend thing from some chick I got inside back
in high school. She still looks damn good. Got a kid though. Real
turn off. Warms my heart that what ever I did on her is remembered
fondly. Nothing to call the cops about, at least.
Mr Debs, super dog, is barfing butter everywhere. That’s just
dandy! Which is pretty close to my suggested title for our video
series. Absolutely Dandy w/ Chas Smith is great. Genius.
Sadly unrecognized.
Taj blasts a 8.03, less than five for Caio to play catch up.
Veteran shit, wait patiently and smoke ’em when you get ’em.
Caio at the buzzer. Nope. Mr Butter Barfer is sleeping on the
linoleum at my feet and I’m opening bottle three.
Kainoa/Seabass. I’ve been riding Mr Big-in-Japan hard this year.
Unfairly? Maybe?
Got a letter from someone who’s deal I dig about it. Told me to
mellow out. Stop riding the poor kid. He’s a human, after all.
Plenty of internal shit going on.
Unfair, making me see him as a person. Professional sports here,
criticism is part of the deal. Might feel mean but it ain’t meant
like that. Just part of the deal of putting yourself public. You’re
not getting paid to surf. You’re getting paid to deal with assholes
like me.
Kainoa’s looking to ‘QS his way through this heat.
Taj is so giggly! Love it!
Nice tube with safety turns to extend Kainoa’s lead. Seabass
needs a 4.55 to take the lead with quarter hour left.
Kainoa extends the lead, nothing happens. Two and a half left.
Last second set rolling in and Zietz has priority. Needs a 6.75.
Falls!
Forty seconds, Kainoa with priority. Plays it safe on the last
wave of the heat. Takes the wind. Seabass is gone, Kainoa is round
three.
And installment two ends. Part three later. Probably.
