Did you think it was Waikiki? Malibu? Maybe Santa
Cruz? Wrong! Welcome to Cronulla, Australia!
The fight over surfing’s ownership is a fun-ish
one don’t you think? Hawaii is, of course, our beloved tap
root… or is it? Peru lays claim also saying that pre-Incan peoples
rode waves on their boats for fun. But that sounds more like the
birthplace of SUPing to me.
Three Hawaiian princes surfed in Santa Cruz in 1885 and the
famous George Freeth surfed the Huntington Pier in 1907 in order to
advertise a new rail line. The Huntington Pier? Oh bummer!
The Duke is regarded as the father of modern surfing and
shredded Waikiki, California and New Jersey in style in the early
part of the 20th century but it has just been revealed, today, that
Australia’s Cronulla is the actual birthplace of our favorite
wastetime! Let’s read Who Knew? Cronulla is the Birthplace of
Modern Surfing in the Illarrawa
Mercury!
“Mike Bright and I paddled out, started catching waves. Then
people starting running across the car park to the beach. There
were hundreds of them. I thought, ‘sheesh, someone’s had a heart
attack’.”
The speaker is Greg Noll. Eighty years old. Conqueror of
Waimea Bay. That photograph at Pipeline. Those trademark black and
white board shorts. “Da Bull”. And the man who introduced the
malibu board to Australia.
Sunday, November 18, 1956, Noll and a couple of mates with a
US lifesavers’ team in Australia to compete in a surf life saving
carnival staged for the Melbourne Olympic Games, were taken to a
Sydney beach with their paddleboards to train in some waves after
the long voyage across the Pacific.
“Mike [Bright a fellow Californian] and I also brought balsa
boards along and I remember small waves breaking off these rocks to
the left. And all these people just staring at us, kinda
quiet.”
Many beaches claim to be the birthplace of modern surfing
but – Bondi, Manly, Freshwater and Avalon, eat your hearts out – it
turns out to be the home of the NRL champions and the race riot,
Cronulla.
Until Noll and his mate paddled out, the only surfboards
most Australians were familiar with were the old hollow “Toothpick”
style of surf craft but after Cronulla – and subsequent exhibitions
by the Americans at Avalon and Torquay in Victoria – malibus ruled
Australia’s beach culture.
I think, from context, the writer maybe means birthplace of
modern surfing in Australia but it’s fun to have that chest puffed
out so proud for a moment, ain’t it Cronulla? The whole wide
surfing world bowing to you. Thanking you for your wonderful
gift.
And for the Cronulla Sharks.
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Baby daddy Filipe is ruthless. Can you imagine facing
his sword in sub-four footers? | Photo: WSL
Quik Pro: “Slater sinks! Filipe
soars!”
By Rory Parker
France is real good when it's good. But it sure
ain't when it ain't.
Day three, round two, of the Quiksilver Pro France
started on a sour note. Event went mobile, the site moved
to La Graviere. Which I fully support. Massive logistical feat,
great to see the WSL is willing to put in the effort to find
superior surf.
But it was the wrong call. La Graviere was lined-up shit. Event
on hold, mad dash back to des Cul Nus.
Not gonna throw stones. I’m sure certain people were feeling
sick to their stomachs. Super bummed to roll the dice and lose. But
everyone makes mistakes. Can’t fault someone for trying their best.
I appreciate the attempt. Truly.
The day was decent. A few nice moments. Some interesting
drama.
Wilko/Duru was a great way to start the day. Bit of a slow
start. Some morning sickness to deal with. But it cleaned up, and
the pair was ripping.
Duru had the heat in the bag. Solid surfing, good wave
selection. His only fault was his second scoring wave. Could’ve
dropped a big score, but surfed slightly off balance. Timing was a
bit off. Cost him the few tenths of a points he needed to win.
Wilko scraped through by the skin of his teeth. But not because
he surfed poorly. His second scoring ride, a lipslide float to
cutty to layback finner slash, was a thing of beauty. Dropped the
contest robot facade for a moment. I honestly thought it was a
little underscored. The layback was challenging as all hell, real
risky maneuver.
Judges dropped the ball towards the end. Took an eternity to
drop a score for Wilko. Turned the exchange into a gut wrenching
nail biter. Unfair for the guys in the water. Momentum is a real
thing.
But they got the score right, gave Wilko enough to get through.
Keep his title campaign alive. And that’s all that really
matters.
A second round loss definitely sucks, no matter who you are. But
Duru should be feeling pretty good about himself. Guy’s got some
real potential. I can see a ‘CT career in his future.
Callinan/Jordy was a back and forth battle. Smith surfing well,
Callinan on point. Hard to tell who’d get the nod. A lot on the
line for Jordy.
With 2:45 left the South African had the win clinched. Callinan
stroked into a shitty closeout, opened up with a standard backside
top turn. No way was he getting the score.
Then he flowed off the bottom into a hideous backside fin drift
reo. Came down fins first, spun it around, tossed the Medina Urkel claim. Grabbed
Jordy’s title campaign by the dick, then kicked it square in the
teeth.
Up next was Slater v Leo Fio. Turpel called it a super heat.
Hyperbolic designation. A legend against a rookie ain’t hardly
that.
But in the end he was right. It was super. Super fucking
boring.
Uncooperative ocean. Slater and the WOP struggling to
manufacture scores.
It got a little interesting toward the end. Fio snagged two
solid waves and did his work. Ended one with an acid drop onto dry
sand. That was a cool way to potentially kill a board during a
heat. Kelly butt bombed onto the ground himself. Looked like it
hurt.
The high point was Jordy’s post heat interview. He was upset.
Understandable. He was also absolutely dripping sour grapes.
Ryan’s a great surfer. I think he just kinda tried his luck on
that last move. And, um, nine times out of ten he probably
wouldn’t’ve made it.
Ouch. Proof is in the pudding, Jordy. Looked like a clean make
to me.
Leo Fio beat Slater again. Crazy. Slates closed the show with an
I-give-up chop hop.
I nodded off while Parko and Banting faced off. The waves
weren’t great. Both guys struggled to force something.
The legend led until the last five minutes when Banting managed
to grab two of the better ones and link together a few turns. Made
it to round three, something he’s only managed in half the events
this year. Might have something to do with how he throws his hands
over his head almost every time he does a turn. Whack-ass style. I
don’t like it.
Julian knocked out Flores. Then the frenchman stormed the judges
tower and set it aflame.
Not really. But here’s a serious question.
How the fuck was Flores’s second wave a 4.1? He did a cutback,
hit the whitewater, bogged out the back. That makes no sense at
all. Seriously. Am I confused? Did I miss something? Can someone
enlighten me? Is it a fucked up prank? Are the judges just trying
to mind fuck Jeremy?
Flores is funny. He really comes across like a prick, but I
can’t help but love the guy. Probably because I once watched him
surf scary Pipe one time from the safety of the channel. He put on
a clinic I’ve never seen the likes of before or since. And he
speaks his mind. Gotta love that.
If so, it worked. Flores went meltdown. Flailed on his next nine
waves. Except for a 3.43 that was miles better than his 4.1.
He kept it calm, relatively, during his post heat interview.
Flores is funny. He really comes across like a prick, but I can’t
help but love the guy. Probably because I once watched him surf
scary Pipe one time from the safety of the channel. He put on a
clinic I’ve never seen the likes of before or since. And he speaks
his mind. Gotta love that.
Filipe Toledo shook off whatever was bugging him yesterday.
Surfed as well as we all expect him to. Best of the day. Aggressive
turns. Sliding fins. Big spray. Total commitment. He ran down Alex
Ribeiro like my old neighbor’s shitty chihuahua. That bitch would
open her gate and let the little fucker out to shit in my yard
every single fucking day. Damn thing would bark and snap at us. Bit
my own idiot pooch on multiple occasions. He didn’t mind because
he’s a total moron.
Didn’t stop until I told her I was gonna kill the fucking thing
and bury it behind my house, then deny it when she called the
cops.
I wouldn’t have, really. I love dogs. Even shitty ones. You can
only blame the owner.
Bourez/ Muniz saw more sub par surf. The Spartan did an
admirable job of applying power to weakness, but Muniz milked his
last two waves all the way to the beach. Good heat strategy on a
day like today. Mid-five and a mid-six. Nothing flashy, but Alejo
deserved the win.
It’s been a shitty year for Freestone. Missed two events because
of injury. Second at Rio, but nothing substantial other than
that.
Luck was on his side today, he got the winning end of a total
robbery. Both of Kerr’s scoring rides, a 4.5 and 4.8, were light
years better than Freestone’s first 5.93. Jack tapped it twice,
then fell. Makes no sense. The judges must be drunk. Or blind. Or
busy sucking each other off. Or some combination of the three.
Seabass/Melling was boring. No choice but to make the best of
what they had. Best turn of the heat took place at the beginning of
Zietz second scoring ride. Big sexy gouge. I liked it very much. He
fell on his next turn, but it was enough to get through.
At one point Ross Williams and that other dude were discussing
Fanning’s “semi-hiatus” year. Alluded, once again, to the fact that
the WSL had promised him on of the two injury wildcards, despite
the fact that Bede broke his pelvis and Wright crushed his brain.
Those are real injuries. Fanning’s situation is special treatment.
I do not like it. That’s not how sports work. Everyone has personal
struggles. Everyone.
But not everyone has been bumped by a shark during a heat.
Bigger draw equals better treatment. They need to add that shit to
the rule book.
During heat ten the judges took a break from watching, drove to
Uncle Wiggly’s hotel room, then robbed him blind. Conner Coffin
surfed well, sure. Definitely won the heat. But he got a nine for a
line of identical backside whacks, Dantas only got a 6.93 for an
honest to gosh fast runner tube ride. Stupid stupid stupid. If
Coffin’s was a 9, Wiggoly’s was a 10. Which wasn’t enough to win,
but it sure would be nice if the scoring made a lick of sense.
Same old song, I guess.
Kennedy outpointed Payne without doing anything great. Highlight
was Rosie towering over Coffin during his interview.
Igarashi made it into round three again, sent Jadson packing by
surfing the way Kanoa does. Which is safely. Which is why he’s only
made it to round four once this year.
Pottz said it himself, unintentionally damning with faint
praise.
That’s Huntington beach surfing, right there. The ability to
surf a closeout well. That’s what Kanoa can do.
You know, maybe they need to stop applying ‘QS results to ‘CT
ranking.
And that was it for the day. I haven’t checked the swell
forecast, but I hope there’s something coming down the pipe. ‘Cuz
France is real good when it’s good. But it sure ain’t when it
ain’t.
QUIKSILVER PRO FRANCE ROUND 2 RESULTS:
Heat 1: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 14.56 def. Joan Duru (FRA) 14.33
Heat 2: Ryan Callinan (AUS) 12.26 def. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 11.83
Heat 3: Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 13.26 def. Kelly Slater (USA)
10.16
Heat 4: Matt Banting (AUS) 11.50 def. Joel Parkinson (AUS)
10.74
Heat 5: Julian Wilson (AUS) 12.00 def. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 9.43
Heat 6: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 15.67 def. Alex Ribeiro (BRA) 7.60
Heat 7: Alejo Muniz (BRA) 12.00 def. Michel Bourez (PYF) 11.33
Heat 8: Jack Freestone (AUS) 12.36 def. Josh Kerr (AUS) 9.30
Heat 9: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 12.60 def. Adam Melling (AUS)
11.34
Heat 10: Conner Coffin (USA) 16.33 def. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA)
12.60
Heat 11: Stuart Kennedy (AUS) 12.00 def. Dusty Payne (HAW)
10.50
Heat 12: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 12.43 def. Jadson Andre (BRA)
9.17
QUIKSILVER PRO FRANCE ROUND 3 MATCH-UPS:
Heat 1: Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Keanu Asing (HAW)
Heat 2: Adriano De Souza (BRA) vs. Conner Coffin (USA)
Heat 3: Italo Ferreira (BRA) vs. Matt Banting (AUS)
Heat 4: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Davey Cathels (AUS)
Heat 5: Stuart Kennedy (AUS) vs. Nat Young (USA)
Heat 6: John John Florence (HAW) vs. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
Heat 7: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA)
Heat 8: Caio Ibelli (BRA) vs. Kanoa Igarashi (USA)
Heat 9: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Jack Freestone (AUS)
Heat 10: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Alejo Muniz (BRA)
Heat 11: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 12: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) vs. Kai Otton (AUS)
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Armageddon update: Shark invasion!
By Chas Smith
"We used to stack fucks like you five feet high in
Korea and use you for sandbags!"
Today’s armageddon news just keeps getting more
fabulous! First Florida’s Hurricane Matthew brought nuggety little
barrels to usually flat South Beach and now it is bringing deadly
sharks to people’s doorsteps in Jacksonville!
I was wondering, earlier, about the schizophrenic nature of
Floridians which gulf coast surfer Travis Bible summed up well. He
wrote:
We’re not getting anything from this storm, but we live for
hurricane swells. It puts one in a strange predicament: rooting for
a storm to grow and linger and then hit the right spot, while the
entire time saying “i hope no one gets hurt.” Then, on top of that,
you know one day it will come for you. When it does you go to the
clean side and hope you have a home to come back to.
And it must be difficult to maintaining a healthy worldview. No?
But what happens when the sharks start invading?
If you lived in Jacksonville and saw a shark swimming around
your front yard, sliding on Junior’s little plastic slide, nibbling
the roses etc. would you go onto your porch with a leash and try to
capture it? Maybe bring it inside to the couch and find something
on television and make some popcorn? Or would you go onto your
porch with a shotgun and say:
“What the hell is this? Get off my lawn.”
But then the shark would say, “Listen old man, you don’t want to
fuck with me.”
And then you would say, “Did you hear me? I said get off my lawn
NOW.”
Then the shark would say, “Are you fucking crazy go back in the
house.”
Then you would say, “I blow a hole in your face then I go back
in the house and sleep like a baby. You can count on that. We used
to stack fucks like you five feet high in Korea and use you for
sandbags…”
And do yo think the shark would leave after that? I wonder.
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Michael Dunphy (left) catching a wave. Michael Dunphy
(right) looking surprised.
And now let’s surf Armageddon!
By Chas Smith
Surf is bashing the lights out of Florida right
now! Are you there? Safe? Barreled?
Much talk about the surf industry
apocalypse over the last few days. Buzzes! Whispers! Rumors!
Mass sackings! Mid-tiered pros openly
weeping in the streets! But then, sun through the clouds! Maybe
Volcom, along with most other surf brands, were simply clearing cap
space to purchase the services of Noa Deane.
He looks like a baby angel! Like he was birthed from
Michelangelo’s brush! He most certainly could not harken the
end.
Could he?
In any case, Hurricane Matthew hit Florida yesterday/today and
made lots of good waves but also created/is creating havoc,
destruction, death.
Do you think that humanity will basically end because sea level
rise, global warming, giant uncontrollable storms or are you still
of a mind that nuclear holocaust will be our finito? Could
“Armageddon” actually be Biblical shorthand for “hurricane?” I
supposed it would be Biblical longhand.
Hmmmm.
Have you ever surfed a hurricane swell? Lots of folk around the
greater Miami did yesterday and it looked very fun as evidenced by
Michael Dunphy’s nugget (above).
I’ve surfed one, once, in New York. It was very fun too. I was
with What Youth‘s Scott Chenoweth. Scott? Are you there?
That was a hurricane swell right?
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Rumor: Volcom to sign Noa Deane!
By Chas Smith
The surf industry apocalypse was only pretend!
Don't worry! A star is maybe born!
Oh how the pendulum swings! Back and forth back
and forth, furiously, ludicrously, from utter despair to
triumphantilism! Like sands through the hour glass, these are the
days of our lives!
Just yesterday the surf apocalypse was upon us because Volcom fired many people,
mostly from their event staff, and many surfers like, basically all
of them.
But just minutes ago guess what a well-placed, and beautiful
little bird whispered into my ear!
Guess!
Guess you dawdling fool, you soulless cretin!
Fine I’ll tell you! That Noa Deane. N O A D E A N E. The
hottest surfer alive and free agent pending the almost end of a
Rusty contract. Is. Going. To. Sign. With. The. Stone.
That’s why Volcom cleared cap space! Not to tap out of the game
but to soar on the wings of a cherubic Australian!
N O A D E
A N E!
Noa Deane!
And do you like the way he surfs? Are you a fan? He don’t like
the WSL remember that?
He thinks they fuck.
But back to my beautiful little bird. Shim whispered, “It came
down Billabong, Rusty and Volcom but it’s done now. Volcom got
him.”
And do you feel better now? Will you sleep with visions of Noa
Deane riding for Volcom dancing in your head?
I will.
Fuck the WSL!
P.S. I didn’t really mean to call you a dawdling fool/soulless
cretin. I was just so excited and the alcohol got the best of me. I
mean excitement.
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
