In social media first, World Surf League post advertising next episode of “The Ultimate Surfer” reaches heretofore-deemed-impossible universal negativity: “This makes me uncomfortable.”

Iconoclastic.

Since the invention of social media, almost 25 years ago, positive affirmation has been key. Be they likes, followers, friends or flowery supportive comments, acceptance matters and has mattered, supremely. Heart eye emoji. Even the crustiest accounts featuring fumbles and foibles receive thumbs up emojis.

Universal negativity but an urban myth.

Your BeachGrit came close, days ago, when posting a video of a mule or donkey tumbling down a hill.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS5QI7_Jw4b/

Closer still by dancing with actor famous for not playing sexy beefcakes Jonah Hill.

Still, a 3% support rate hovered, not including ex-surf personality-cum-troublesome gentrificationist Heath “Nutty” Walker who begs to the point of gagging to one day surf with Hill.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CTFgslJJq0d/

Leave it to the iconoclastic World Surf League to break through.

In a recent Instagram offering advertising The Ultimate Surfer post-show podcast featuring fame-bound Joe Turpel and Bachelor-winning Cassie Randolph, universal negativity was achieved.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CTA2yADN0gh/

Not one happy message.

Only vomit emojis.

Unkind words.

But what is thought in Santa Monica’s High Castle?

“Haterz gonna hate?”

“Let’s go ahead and hide this from co-Waterperson of the Year Mr. Ziff?”

Cancellation possibly imminent.

“Get back on the ski and reset.”

?

Sorry.

More as the story develops.


Listen: Mid-length madness reaches fever pitch as Pyzel, Hayden, Firewire and more launch models of world’s hottest surfboard!

Strange days indeed.

Strange days we are living in what with surf groupies worshiping at the beautiful, I’m near certain, feet of Jonah Hill. Wildfire chewing through the land. Everyone, and I mean everyone, clamoring over mid-length surf craft. Looking for funboard in all the traditionally high-performance shortboard places.

Jon Pyzel, creator of the Ghost and Phantom now also has a Midlength Crisis.

Hayden, who brought us the Hypto Krypto, a Mid Length Glider.

JS does the Big Barron, Stretch the Jon Wayne Freeman, Firewire the Sunday, Chili the Midstrength and on and on and on it goes.

Oh, there are no rocks sailing from my glass house. I was introduced to the lifestyle just over a year ago by the very man responsible for the craze. One Devon Howard. The handsome 47-year-old put me on a 6’10 CI Mid and I enjoy much, though must say, I only ride when head high and only occasionally.

Horses for courses.

But what do you think? Are you swayed by the masses or hunkered down, shaving volume, adding fins?

Howard, in any case, joined David Lee Scales and I just days ago to discuss midlengthing, fatherhood, Joel Tudor and the resurgent longboard world tour.

A fine program, all things considered.

Listen here.

Or watch.


Peter Maguire, main photo. strong as bear, clever as fox etc.

Dirty Water returns with surfer-turned-war crimes investigator and marital arts expert Peter Maguire; talks “overwhelmed, reactive, defensive” Joe Biden and how he “stretched out” a “competitive and aggressive” Kelly Slater!

Death, drugs, surf and training MMA fighters.

Today’s guest, Mr Peter Maguire, is a surfer, war crimes investigator and author of Thai Stick: Surfers, Scammers, and the Untold Story of the Marijuana Trade, Law and War – a book about the Nuremberg Trials, Facing Death in Cambodia, and Breathe, the new bio on jiujitsu icon Rickson Gracie.

Ain’t much he can’t do.

Petey made a fine cameo on BeachGrit one week ago with a piece on the chaotic American withdrawal from Afghanistan.

He describes Washington DC as a “shitshow”, snoozy Joe Biden as “overwhelmed, reactive, defensive”, his own books as “extremely depressing”, developed a military rescue boat along with George Greenough, has multiple black belts in the martial arts and gave a “competitive and aggressive” Kelly Slater his first-ever lesson in jiu-jitsu and is currently in the process of selling a screenplay on the discovery of G-Land.

(Jump on his Substack Sour Milk, here.)


Jonah Hill, far right, Matt Warshaw, centre, and Charlie Smith, enjoy a Stab "alternative surfboard" video.

Two-time Academy Award nominated actor Jonah Hill gifts perspective, comedy lesson, to humorless surf journalist: “I hope you enjoy the journey of learning to be funny!”

This damned surfing life.

Yesterday, the two-time Academy Award nominated actor Jonah Hill responded to a request from BeachGrit to come on our Dirty Water podcast for some chit and chat by turning it down. “Why’d you guys ask me to be on your podcast if all you do is be rude towards me?” he asked before adding, “I get nothing from surfing but joy. Hope you’re well.”

All fine and good, but as the day went on, Hill’s message began to lightly annoy. Rude towards him? Isn’t that part and parcel of this surfing life?

Inextricably woven?

And so I responded, “Jonah, will you allow a riposte? Surfing is old, has existed long before your joyous discovery. It’s much like skateboarding, which I think you love, with culture and banter and ribbing. To discount the conversation is to miss it entirely. BeachGrit has never been rude towards you. It has been surf-like towards you. Now, if you actually care, this world is your oyster. If you don’t, then understood.”

I did not expect an answer, much less a thoughtful one, so was blown off my Applebees stool, minutes later, when his missive popped into my refurbished iPhone.

“I agree and calling me a VAL and a kook is super funny and genuinely funny within the idea of someone new coming into culture and trying to co-opt it. People love to report on what I’m in to and I can see how that makes it seem like I’m trying to be more of a representative of surfing that I care to be. I genuinely just have fun and enjoy it.

What genuinely hurt is attacking the way I look or have looked. I think it’s unnecessary to your point and honestly just sucks. While I am a public figure, I’m still a person who has heard shit like that his entire life. In fact, it’s what deterred me from surfing until I was 35 because I didn’t like the way I felt.

That being said, as someone who has been a professional comedian of 20 years, I don’t judge your attempts to come into my culture and attempt to be funny. Maybe I should practice what I preach and see you guys going for low-hanging fruit as me getting on a foamy and trying something I enjoy and am not quite great at yet. But if you are smiling then I shouldn’t judge. So lesson learned. My bad.

I hope you enjoy the journey of learning to be funny. Much respect to surfing and giving people shit. I just didn’t understand the need to attack the way I look or have looked in such a harsh and genuinely hurtful way. Feel free to print this and we should surf sometime.

I hope you see my response as the kind gesture it is of giving you guys another article to write. And hope to see you around. Just make sure and be fair journalists and print it in full (smiley face emoji) And I genuinely do appreciate your thoughtful explanation.”

Applebees is not the place to deeply consider life choices but there I sat, considering deeply, flanked by a motorcycle enthusiast who had just left his wife and a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

Much flair.

Jonah Hill was right.

He was right and I was wrong.

Wrong and rude.

I very much appreciated that he explained what hurt and why it hurt in such detail. Rare, in this day and age, to have any sort of conversation with an opposing side, to be sensitive and open, but there it was and I offered to someday buy him an apology drink. He told me that he appreciated that but would prefer to drop in on me, once, and we would call it even.

Now I have to go to Malibu and somehow get around Strider Wasilewski’s attack dogs.

This damned surfing life.


Underwater challenge at Surf Ranch. Surprisingly, the two Hawaiians, Zeke and Kai, finished last and second-last.

Rumour: ABC set to cancel The Ultimate Surfer after ratings dive following underwhelming premiere!

Two separate Hollywood sources have confirmed the surf reality show, which counts showbiz heavyweights Erik Logan and Dana White as its executive producers, and which BIPOC surfer Zeke Lau eventually wins, is set for the chopping block. 

Word on the street, the studio, Burbank, Hollywood, whatever, is The Ultimate Surfer ain’t gotta get through its eight episodes, after ratings dived almost ten percent following an already underwhelming premiere. 

You’ll remember, two days ago, viewers lunged for the remote control as the opening credits rolled for The Ultimate Surfer following Bachelor in Paradise.

Under the clever headline, ‘The Ultimate Surfer’ Premiere Wipes Out in TV Ratings,” The Wrap declared, “The Ultimate Surfer didn’t catch much of ‘Bachelor in Paradise’s’ ratings wave with Monday’s premiere, which received a 0.3 among adults 18-49 and just 1.46 million total viewers. In the two hours leading up to ‘Ultimate Surfer’s’ debut, ABC averaged a 0.9 demo rating and 3.22 million overall viewers.”

And, now, with the second episode one hundred thousand or so viewers down on ep one, two separate Hollywood sources have confirmed the surf reality show, which counts showbiz heavyweights Erik Logan and Dana White as its executive producers, and which BIPOC surfer Zeke Lau eventually wins, is set for the chopping block. 

“Truly awful,” said one, referring to the ratings and not the show which I regard as a marvellous triumph and a more than tolerable way to waste one hour in the middle of a southern Californian late-summer heat wave. 

Non-Americans can watch the second episode, Chicks on Heat, via VPN set to North America and on the ABC website, click here.