Is Lowers the new Pipeline?

Attention was violently ripped away from Momentum Generation star Kalani Robb’s Covid-19 diary, hours ago, when it was revealed that a “high-powered surf executive” described Filipe Toledo’s “huge scuffle” at Lower Trestles as “no big deal” while adding “that happens every day down there.”

You have certainly kept up to the minute with the latest development in this twisting and turning saga but as a quick refresher, just under a week ago, now, the current world number three likely faded a hot, young, sponsored junior.

The situation elevated to “crazy tense” levels when the hot young junior grabbed onto Toledo’s wetsuit, held on for the entire ride then ordered him to the beach at the end.

According to an eyewitness-adjacent source, Toledo complied.

In a pivot no one saw coming, Toledo’s daddy Ricardo came swinging into the fray the following day defending his son’s honor, declaring, “Impressive the amount of shit you talk to earn likes and move the ridiculous articles you post. This is a tremendous lie, it never happened and the worst thing a media can do is spread lies on their pages… and you are the experts at this, congratulations! That’s why I, and everyone around here, blocked you. Poor article, poor spirit…”

Ricardo later deleted his post but the fire continued to smolder overnight and, entirely unexpectedly, the next morning brought Brazilian surf fans who rounded on the anti-depressive surf website BeachGrit, accusing it of having an anti-Brazilian bias.

Authorities had hoped that the entire incident had cooled but were shocked when, hours ago, it exploded back to raging inferno with the high-powered surf industry executive’s words which seemed to normalize lineup violence, including, but not limited to, “huge scuffles” involving Filipe Toledo.

Is Lower Trestles truly a land-adjacent strip where the law of the jungle is the only governing force, World Surf League ranking be damned?

A perpetual open season?

The new Pipeline?

More as the story develops.

"My head is so foggy."

Momentum Generation star, Hawaiian surfer, Kalani Robb revealed late last week that he had contracted the Coronavirus and was going to fight it off, in part, by using the popular horse dewormer ivermectin. His inspiration? Famous podcaster Joe Rogan who, himself, used ivermectin as part of a broader cocktail, writing that by day three he felt “pretty fucking good.”

Robb, ever brave, decided to meticulously document his journey. Days one and two featured a discussion of the aforementioned ivermectin, friends dropping healthy foods off at his house, him not being able taste them, headaches, body aches fevers etc. but then, yesterday, worry set in as the diary went dark for five, then ten, then twenty hours.

Fans searching everywhere for updates.

Anywhere.

Finally, in the waning moments of day three, Robb came back and in a to-camera piece described his state.

Day…. (long pause). Day three. My head is so foggy. Been on the couch all day the headache the fever and the bodyaches. Day three bodyaches gone. Fever breaking 100 and going under 99. But my headache is gnarly. Sat on the couch all day watching movies. I wish I was like Ferris Bueller faking this right now. Day three.

Relief washing over like a gentle wave off Streedagh Strand.

I became curious about this ivermectin so went searching for some actual data (read here) then talked to one health expert who informed me, “The data does show some promise that ivermectin works when taken prophylactically. The program that Rogan was on, though, with the monoclonal antibodies specifically… that is very expensive unless you have an underlying comorbidity. Look, don’t get vaccinated and treat yourself all day long. Just don’t go to the fucking hospital if it doesn’t work.”

The expert neither is, nor was, a professional surfer so take with a large grain of salt.

More as the story develops.

"Day two..."

It appears as if Filipe Toledo’s “huge scuffle” at Lower Trestles has finally subsided without much injury. Whew. Dangerous days, still, and strange ones too what with Mick Fanning performing environmental theater, Chinese multinationals selling very cheap surfboards and Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s “Happy Hawaiian Waiter,” Momentum Generation star Kalani Robb contracting the Coronavirus and attempting to cure with the popular horse dewormer ivermectin.

Whew is right.

Robb, who is meticulously documenting his journey on Instagram (follow here), was self-professedly inspired by “Oprah for men” Joe Rogan who also recently contracted Covid-19 and told his loyal following, “We immediately threw the kitchen sink at it. All kinds of meds. Monoclonal antibodies, ivermectin, Z-pak, prednisone, everything. And I also got an anti-D drip and a vitamin drip.”

Studies are inconclusive if ivermectin is, in fact, effective though the Food and Drug Administration very much warns against its use.

Fauci-related?

Some darkly conflicted business?

Rogan went on to say that he cured himself in three days, telling his fans, “I feel pretty fucking good.”

Robb is currently on day two.

How will this worm turn?

More as the story develops.