Get paddling!

Come on, here, surfers. This has gone on far too long and I simply can’t believe one of our kind has not asserted maritime law and gone to fetch the cargo ship laden with Porsches and Bentleys and Lamborghinis that as been abandoned off the Azores surf-rich coast.

The whole troubles began sometime last week when the Felicity Ace caught fire in the Atlantic, the crew jumped ship and off she floated alone and lonely with her loot.

Fire crews on tugs have attempted to reach her, though turbulent weather has delayed them meaning that opportunity is knocking, and knocking loudly, for one of our Portuguese brethren to paddle and claim.

“There are no visible fire spots anymore, and there’s no more smoke,” João Manuel Mendes Cabeças, captain of the nearest Portuguese naval port on the island of Faial in the Azores told the Wall Street Journal yesterday. “The temperature inside the ship is still high, but at least the crew can be on the main deck.”

As it so happens, the whole of the World Surf League Championship Tour will be in Portugal soon. Easy flights to the Azores. Easy paddles to felicity.

Who’s in?

Kanoa Igarashi?

A smoked Lamborghini would complement that gold chain nicely.

Does no one think about the surfers?

The weather is, currently, cold and windy across Southern California making for lousy, choppy surf though those in Orange and Los Angeles Counties may be counting that lack as their only blessing as those beaches are shut for the second time in less than two months after a major sewage spill.

Authorities are blaming a blocked sewer line at a restaurant in Newport Bay, according to The Los Angeles Times, which spewed at least 50,000 of untreated poos and pees into the ocean water.

Beaches are currently closed to swimming, surfing, diving, and I’d imagine wading as various agencies begin testing the brine.

Gross but how many more spills will it take for the area’s swimmers, surfers, divers and waders to demand account for this nastiness?

Whose fault is it?

Gov. Gavin Newsom?

A fine enough place to begin.

History written by the winners etc.

The ex-President of the United States, and friend of Kelly Slater, Barack Obama appears to be nearing completion on his oceanfront south Oahu mansion, according to local news reports, as finishing touches are being applied to the landscaping. Purchased in 2015 for $8.7 million, the three-acre parcel will include three structures and two swimming pools.

Activists and stinkerdoodles have been making some noise and fuss about how the Obamas have found a loophole in some law or bylaw that will allow them to keep an environmentally damaging seawall in place. Those activists should be making a fuss about how the property was culturally appropriated from Magnum P.I. and was the actual Robin’s Nest where many crimes and mysteries were solved.

The Obamas razed the property three years after purchase in a possible attempt to wipe the memory of Tom Selleck and his gorgeous Ferrari 308 GTS from history.

A real shame.

Back to Kelly Slater, though, maybe the Obamas can invite him over for beach tacos once they are all moved in.

Delicious.