Open Thread: Comment Live on Day Two of the Hurley Pro Sunset Beach presented by Shiseido!

You actually CAN script this!

Professional surf fans were shocked and delighted, yesterday, during the opening and elimination rounds of the Hurley Pro Sunset Beach presented by Shiseido, when after years of being thought impossible, it was proved that you can, in fact, script this.

11x world champion and recently crowned Pro Pipeline Kelly Slater looked very much defeated after a shaky heat against Ultimate Surfer runner-up Koa Smith but was miraculously given reprieve by the judges.

Pure joy. You can, and should, read about yesterday’s proceedings here and watch today here or here with the best peanut gallery of them all.

Disclaimer: I am out early again and don’t officially know if the contest will be running or not but it’s a safe bet, no?

Load Comments

Going from first to last for Kelly would have been some kind of dark poetry. After the Pipe victory he was unwilling to leave the table, high on the possibilities despite the slim odds. It was like hitting an early few numbers at the roulette wheel. All of a sudden you’re glued to the table, even when the initial win is gone, and especially when more has. | Photo: WSL

World #1 Kelly Slater survives last-second judge’s decision to continue run for twelfth title, “The WSL still depends on Kelly Slater. Given the mainstream attention he garnered in the wake of Pipe, perhaps now more than ever!”

Talk of a 12th world title at fifty is clearly sentimental bullshit. But if there’s one person that believes it’s possible it’s Kelly Slater.

Well, did it meet expectations? After stupendous Pipeline there was always the threat of a damp Sunset squib.

But intensity and swell built as the day progressed and transpired as fine entertainment, thanks mainly to the one component the WSL can’t control or sodomise.

Mother Nature came to play, as Strider might say.

Yuck.

I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to actively dislike “Mother Nature”. Strider’s the worst offender, but they’re all at it… Mother Nature this and that…slinging thin metaphor like prisoners seagulling from their cells.

Some other phrases fed to the WSL hive mind today were as follows:

So much water moving. Doesn’t do it justice. Huge playing field. Harder than it looks. Belongs on tour. Challenging wave. Chip ins. Building swell. Longer rail line.

It might seem pedantic to constantly nitpick at the broadcast team, but try watching all of it and not finding the repetition jarring.

Anyway, the waves were big.

Mother Nature was squirting with trembling knees.

How big? I have no idea. Barton called a set fifteen feet, which seemed reasonable to me. Surfline were probably calling it forty feet.

Typically, there was a lot of hyping how great Sunset is.

A vocal counterargument to whispered criticisms, perhaps mainly historic ones from the man in yellow, who seems more than ever to be in charge of the mixing desk.

I suppose any wave where a surfer can spend the first few seconds prone, the next few desperately hunting for a section, then score 7s or 8s for one big turn is to be justly questioned.

But I was looking forward to seeing some turns after Pipe. I’ve always gravitated towards surfers with an aesthetically pleasing bottom turn, the kind who will surely do well here.

One such surfer is Jordy Smith, who opened the day with a victory, on a 6’11″, no less.

A pro surfing supergeek might correct me (paging Longtom/Nick Carroll), but I would be surprised if this isn’t the biggest blade wielded in a WCT heat in many, many moons. Perhaps sometime in the early 00s?

But despite Jordy’s comfortable victory and my full and complete endorsement of longer boards, it did look a couple of inches over and he seemed to be wrestling with it a little. This was possibly just a marker of the first heat of the day and essentially a warm up for Smith.

A tangent I’ll save for another day is Jordy’s career arc. You either die a hero or live long enough for everyone to feel sorry for you. As the second oldest surfer in the draw (can you believe it?) I see him having a solid year.

Our current number one surfer in the world was absolutely rank in his first heat, finishing dead last behind wildcard Barron Mamiya (who was one of the smoothest performers all day) and rookie Callum Robson.

To be fair to him, he did look lovely in yellow. As Strider noted, it just seemed right, “like mustard on a hot dog”. And the WSL sure like a lot of mustard.

Is there a figure in professional sports more ritually and repetitively praised by people who are supposed to be objective broadcasters? I doubt it.

Going from first to last for Kelly would have been some kind of dark poetry. After the Pipe victory he was unwilling to leave the table, high on the possibilities despite the slim odds. It was like hitting an early few numbers at the roulette wheel. All of a sudden you’re glued to the table, even when the initial win is gone, and especially when more has.

Talk of a twelfth world title at fifty is clearly sentimental fairytale bullshit.

But mark my words: if there’s one person that believes it’s a possibility, it’s Kelly Slater.

I know we’re just a few heats into a long year, but on evidence so far there’s a fair chance Slater will be grandfathered into the final five.

The greatest athlete in pro surfing history, on home soil, aged fifty.

I can almost hear some shiny-faced child caterwauling Star Spangled Banner.

But he should’ve been out today.

Koa Smith, surfing his first heat of the day as replacement for Kai Lenny, clearly got the six he needed on a chunky wave right at the buzzer.

Re-watching it now it’s not the high seven or eight I was convinced it was in the moment, but that, perhaps, makes it more outrageous. We’ve seen how judges are swayed by emotion and last minute heroics, so why no gravy for Koa?

He made a tough looking take-off on a set wave (with largely set-up work in between, granted. But it’s Sunset, right?) then performed one of the better backhand turns we’d seen all day to air drop on the end section.

It had everything required to get the score, and more.

Slater had ditched his board and was cleaned up by the very set that Koa caught for a full minute as the heat closed, and was eventually picked up by the ski. That should’ve been his inglorious end.

At risk of beating a Longtom drum, the WSL still depends on Kelly Slater. Given the mainstream attention he garnered in the wake of Pipe, perhaps now more than ever.

John Florence produced probably the best turns of the day, holding his rail and body in a way that evoked the Ghost of Margaret River. His round one win was assured yet somehow not convincing.

Without sounding like a JJF skeptic, it’ll be interesting to see what he can string together. His turns (or more accurately, Turns) were outstanding, but I often feel they flatter to deceive. How many times have we seen him produce these moments and not win?

John was on a typical 6’2″ today in comparison to many others who opted for extra length. 6’6″ seemed to be a popular choice, but with some extending beyond this, perhaps unwisely? It must be hard to make board selections around fellow pros and local experts muddying the waters of decision.

A longer rail to hold and caress whilst hunting for a section at Sunset does seem like the wise choice, but this doesn’t suit everyone. There was a lot of epoxy-like chatter, a lot of high and unpleasant looking noses. Scores were awarded based on those that bounced vs those that didn’t.

Is this the greatest disparity of equipment choice we’ve seen in a competition for a long time? That in itself sparks interest for me.

Kaipo and Makua seemed to be stuck on a loop of long boards short boards long rail lines long boards long long boards short boards rail lines long rails short rails long boards boards long long short long boards.

It was exhausting.

The BG commentariat seemed generally in favour of Makua and felt he was improving. I felt he had a voice like Temazepam. While mildly preferable to the amphetamine-like side effects of Kaipo, I still can’t endorse it.

Kaipo called Sunset a “time bandit” on several occasions today. I have no idea what he meant. Neither did he, but he knew he bloody liked it.

To be absolutely fair, the broadcast was pared back and improved for it. Live action was still missed in favour of ads, of course, but there were fewer cuts to different places and people that detracted from what was going on in the water. It seemed the producers were more focused on delivering an unfettered stream of live surfing. Imagine.

A whole heat passed, or perhaps even two, where we didn’t hear from Strider. Perhaps calling Kaipo “babe” a couple of times was just too strange, even as a Striderism.

Italo looked to have a little pep in his step despite coming second to Ultimate Surfer Zeke Lau in his opener. New woman, no cry, perhaps.

His backhand might have the required flashiness for a goofy to win here. And have you seen his Insta lately? Blimey. Roids or just testosterone? Worth some money, in any case.

Some closing notes on others…

Has there ever been a surfer as inexplicably overrated as Ethan Ewing? I noted how fast he went once today, but most of the time he’s doing absolutely nothing yet the pundits are talking him up as if he’s the Second Coming.

And what about Morgs? Second album syndrome if ever I’ve seen it. Still in the comp by virtue of an interference call he had nothing to do with.

This is a bold and unruly prediction for a bold and unruly wave, but I’m calling this comp as Jordy’s to lose, even at this early stage. He wasn’t the best performer today, but Sunset is surely built for his game.

There was a lot of booth hype for Ultimate Surfer Zeke Lau, notably from close friend Makua Rothman, but for my money (and I do mean that very literally) he’s a poor man’s Jordy Smith.

(Sidenote: wouldn’t it be great if you could lay bets in surfing? If anyone knows of an outlet with this functionality I’d be delighted for an introduction…)

Meat and potatoes elimination time now. FFS why don’t they just start with the round of 32?

Hurley Pro Sunset Beach Round 1 Results:

HEAT 1: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 12.50 DEF. Ryan Callinan (AUS) 8.33, Matthew McGillivray (ZAF) 6.84

HEAT 2: Kanoa Igarashi (JAP) 15.33 DEF. Lucca Mesinas (PER) 10.17, Caio Ibelli (7.64)

HEAT 3: Barron Mamiya (HAW) 11.40 DEF. Callum Robson (AUS) 9.83, Kelly Slater (USA) 8.94

HEAT 4: Jadson Andre (BRA) 11.50 DEF. Conner Coffin (USA) 9.10, Jordan Lawler (AUS) 7.90

HEAT 5: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 12.43, DEF. Italo Ferreira (BRA) 11.67, Billy Kemper (HAW) 9.86

HEAT 6: Filipe Toledo (BRA) Joao Chianca (BRA) DEF. Kai Lenny (HAW)

HEAT 7: Imaikalani deVault (HAW) 14.76 DEF. Samuel Pupo (BRA) 9.00, Morgan Cibilic (AUS) 8.43

HEAT 8: John John Florence (HAW) 12.83 DEF. Ethan Ewing (AUS) 11.20, Owen Wright (AUS) 9.84)

HEAT 9: Jackson Baker (AUS) 10.77 DEF. Deivid Silva (BRA) 9.63, Griffin Colapinto (USA) 8.73

HEAT 10: Kolohe Andino (USA) 12.20 DEF. Nat Young (USA) 10.93, Seth Moniz (HAW) 7.97

HEAT 11: Jake Marshall (USA) 13.27 DEF. Jack Robinson (AUS) 12.40, Miguel Pupo (BRA) 5.87

HEAT 12: Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 9.33 DEF. Frederico Morais (POR) 8.43, Connor O’Leary (AUS) 1.33

Hurley Pro Sunset Beach Elimination Round Results:

HEAT 1: Matthew McGillivray (ZAF)13.57 DEF. Kelly Slater (USA) 13.00, Koa Smith (HAW) 12.77

HEAT 2: Billy Kemper (HAW) 11.66 DEF. Morgan Cibilic (AUS) 6.43, Owen Wright (AUS) 5.67

HEAT 3: Connor O’Leary (AUS) 13.54 DEF. Griffin Colapinto (USA) 12.17, Jordan Lawler (AUS) 6.60

HEAT 4: Caio Ibelli (BRA) 10.77 DEF. Seth Moniz (HAW) 9.26, Miguel Pupo (BRA) 6.83

Load Comments

Swimmer mauled to death by fifteen-foot Great White shark in front of eye-witnesses at popular Sydney beach, “It was terrible. I am shaking. I keep vomiting… the splash looked like a car landed in the water”

"It came back and swallowed parts of his body and that was it. It disappeared."  

(Editor’s note: This story was previously titled Rock fisherman killed by a fifteen-foot Great White after slipping off rocks in front of eye-witnesses at popular Sydney beach, “It was terrible. I am shaking. I keep vomiting… the splash looked like a car landed in the water”. The title and pertinent details have been changed as new details came to light.)

A swimmer was hit and killed by a fifteen-foot Great White shark at Little Bay, a few clicks south of Maroubra beach in Sydney’s south-east on Wednesday afternoon. 

Simon Nellist, who was thirty-five, was practising for an upcoming charity swim when the White hit.

Fisherman Kris Linto said he saw the White attack.

“The shark came and attacked them vertically,” Linto told Nine News. “We heard a yell and then turned around. [The splash] looked like a car just landed in the water.”

Another fisherman said the man was in front of him when he was dragged underwater by the Great White. 

“When he went down there were so many splashes. It was terrible. I am shaking,” he told ABC news. I keep vomiting. It’s very, very upsetting “He just …enjoying the day, but that shark took his life.”

There’s a video kicking around of the attack but I ain’t watching it.

Here’s some of the dialogue.

“Someone just got eaten by a shark. Oh man! Oh no! That’s insane. That’s a Great White shark.”

“The person’s still there!”

“I just saw a four to five metre great white explode on the surface just here on a swimmer and it was like a car landing in the water.”

“Fuck man, I heard a scream and the shark was just chomping on his body and the body was in half just off the rocks here.”

“It came back and swallowed parts of his body and that was it. It disappeared.”

Half of Nellist’s body was recovered. 

Six months ago Nellist posted on Facebook, “Shark net and drum lines protect no one and kill all kinds of marine life each year.”

It was the first fatal shark attack in Sydney since 1963 when the smoking hot actress Marcia Hathaway was hit in Sydney Harbour although not, as you know, the first, or last, fatal Great White attack in Australia where the fish has been afforded federal protection since 1999. 

Last week, a twenty-year-old girl was hit by a Great White at Esperance’s notorious Kelpies beach, the site of multiple fatal Great White attacks over the course of the last five years.

Load Comments

WSL commentary team including the disappeared Martin Potter, left, and Joe Turpel, far right. Ross Williams, middle, yanks his legs apart.

The WSL has elevated toxic positivity to an art. And I can’t help but admire it!

"What the WSL has created is an ideological institution of system-supportive propaganda so self-censoring Noam Chomsky would be proud."

Some people don’t like the WSL’s commentary team. Not me. I look forward to the WSL call as much as I do the surfing.

Chris. Rosie. Kaipo. Strider. Ross. The coterie of special guests. Each comp I tune in, turn the speakers up to 11, and wonder what gifts will be bestowed next.

Not because I enjoy listening to it all.

I’m impressed by the discipline. The commitment. The dedication to wringing any semblance of discontent from the dialogue that this team has accomplished.

The ‘wall of positive noise’ does the WSL a disservice. Walls can be scaled. Walls can be torn down. What the team at Santa Monica have created is an ideological institution of system-supportive propaganda so unwavering, so self-censoring, so unthinking, Noam Chomsky himself would be proud.

They’ve elevated toxic positivity to an art. And I can’t help but admire it.

What is toxic positivity? In psychological circles, it’s known as a dysfunctional approach to emotional management that happens when people do not fully acknowledge negative emotions. “A pressure to stay upbeat no matter how dire one’s circumstance is.”

Consider it. WSL commentators exist in a world of the eternal present. In the booth there is no past. No future. The world outside does not even exist unless it is of some explicit reference to the approved reading of the events unfolding in front of them.

But most importantly, there’s no bad vibes.

These conditions in front of us right now are the best they could possibly be. Nobody is underperforming. Every competitor is in with a chance. Combo’d by 18 points with a minute left and an empty horizon?

‘If anyone can do it, <insert surfer here> can.’

There’s no losers. Literally. Post-heat interviews are only ever granted to winners.

(What are we missing from the insight, emotion, energy of the vanquished?)

Then there’s the women. The women? The women are making history. They’re amazing. We’re smashing the glass ceiling. Creating equality for all. And they will be running today.

Wait a minute. No they won’t. In fact, we’ve never heard of them. What women?

Or the loss of Turpel from the booth. Potter before him. Zero discussion. A void of information. They might be back next competition. But they might not. For all we know they were both taken for a helicopter ride at the Sosa ranch.

Not a word will be uttered. Because no wrong has ever been committed by the WSL or anybody involved with it, nor could any such wrong ever possibly be committed in the future.

This is the constant assurance being screamed at us. The manufactured consent. The team are like lackeys of some totalitarian dictator that refuses to admit the possibility of defeat. Stalin’s generals reading from Pravda as the eastern front collapses.

Everything Is Fine.

Now I don’t level any of this criticism directly at the commentary team. Individually they all do a good job, for the most part. They’re professional. Dedicated. Absolute sweethearts to boot.

It’s obvious somebody behind the scenes setting the agenda. A player pulling the shots. Chomsky would suggest it’s the corporate ownership, or the advertisers, or some other shady player in the ruling class. He’s probably close. I’d suggest a mild mannered, chest-waxed Oklahoman with a skewed appetite to risk.

Whoever it is, they’re letting themselves – and the team – down.

The incessant positivity is condescending at best. Self-defeating at worse. Anybody with half a surfing brain can tell when Filipe’s having a melt. To try and sugar coat it is offensive to both he and the audience.

Same goes with the scheduling hiccups re: integrating women into the format. I think pay equality is fantastic and know that this approach will pay off in the long run. The WSL should be commended for it. But it won’t always be pretty. This is the start of a long process. Not everybody will be comfortable with it 100% of the time. It’ll take a while to start working. It might need to change on the run. Why do we have to pretend otherwise?

I know this is old ground being re-hashed, but based on the first look at this year’s effort things are getting worse.

The WSL is painting itself further into a corner. Something’s gotta give.

The solution? Simple, as I see it. First, inject an old hand into the booth. Somebody from outside the surf world. A straight shooter that can ask the simple questions for the non-surfing audience, and call out some of the many inexplicable nuances of competitive surfing. Like the old English bloke they paired with Barton at the Olympics. That guy was mint.

Or old mate from Best In Show. 

Then, give the likes of Ross, Pete Mel, Stace Galbraith and booth guests like Slater or Mick Fanning permission to speak freely. Call out bad judging, bad surfing and bad officiating. Ask the difficult questions. It’s all part of the game. Punters don’t demand perfection. But they do demand transparency.

Finally, don’t be afraid to stick the mic in front of somebody who’s just lost a heat. Ask them what happened. What did they do wrong. How are they going to fix it for next time. How did it all Make Them Feel?

Ultimately athletes are inspiring. Other-worldly. The gods manifest in man and woman. They’re why we tune in. And why we will continue to tune in. But it’s their follies that truly connect us. We want to share their highs and their lows. We want to see their sacrifice, their anguish, their pain.
By denying us that, we’re being denied our very own humanity. Or something.

The big question now is: will the WSL listen?

Stay Tuned.

Load Comments

Open Thread: Comment Live on Day One of the Hurley Pro Sunset Beach presented by Shiseido!

GOATs on parade!

Wow but it seemed like an eternity to arrive at this moment, this time, when our professional surfers and surfettes will once again paddle from shore into pitched competition with each other and with nature.

Jordy Smith appears in heat one. Kanoa Igarashi heat two. Kelly Slater, who is sometimes called the Greatest of All-Time, or GOAT, joins us for heat three. Will the women surf today? Will they even kick the event right off? Impossible to know.

Exciting times and made more so by enjoying with your very best friends in the comments. Watch here or here. Comment below.

Load Comments