What a damn adventure!

Puerto Rico’s Dylan Graves smashes Guinness World Record for most turns on a wave with a leg-trembling 40 manoeuvres!

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

The compelling star of Vans' Weird Waves series rides a five-minute long tidal wave in remote Indonesia!

If you flip to page 314 of the latest Guinness Book of World Records, a compendium of record-breaking feats that was the brainchild of the Managing Director of Guinness Brewery Hugh Beaver in 1955, you’ll find an entry for most turns on a wave.

An obscure record, yeah, but currently held by Cristóbal de Col for 34 turns on a wave at Chicama in Peru, occasionally and lazily referenced as the world’s longest lefthander.

Held by dirty old Cristóbal that is until a few days ago when Puerto Rico’s Dylan Graves (whom you must never ask about old interviews where he said he liked to swish his long hair around women’s breasts, sometimes head-butts his friends when he’s boozed, and likes it “when girls aren’t afraid to let some dirty shit come out. I just like it when they say fuck”), uploading a video to YouTube where he triumphantly rides a five-minute long tidal wave in Indonesia, completing an astonishing forty turns, even throwing in a couple of quasi-airs for good measure.

“One of the funnest/longest rides I’ve ever had on a short board and it happened to have 7 identical twins,” writes Graves. “Recently got to experience/ surf a tidal phenomenon in Indonesia known as the Bono to the locals or in the surf world as the 7 ghosts cause of a unique feature known as “whelps” that occur in undular tidal bores when a tidal wave front is followed by secondary waves known as whelps. In this case there are 7, hence the name 7 ghosts.”

Graves, who is thirty-seven, has submitted the ride to the Guinness people and is awaiting confirmation of his astonishing feat.

A slick edit of the event is in the works, says Dylan, which promises to be “even better than an excellent milkshake served by a happy fat waitress.”

Essential.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
The world's best surfer John John Florence drags a Bells Beach sunrise into his net.

On eve of Bells Beach Pro, John John Florence releases stunning ode to Victoria’s Great Ocean Road, “Everything can happen here. Even the miracle of becoming loved again.”

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

“I feel fresh and clean, ready to fly up to paradise!”

As the oldest sibling in the Florence triumvirate, John John would always jump out of bed first, his heart beating fast and his mouth wet with the desire to do good.

He is a driven man and at almost thirty-one and with two world titles strapped around his waist, the self-confessed “prisoner of danger” can lay claim to being the best surfer in the world.

On the eve of his return to Australia for the Bells Beach Pro, which is proudly supported by discount camping retailer Kathmandu, John John has released an eighteen-minute ode to the Great Ocean Road, the cord of bitumen that wraps the Southern Ocean from Torquay to Allansford.

It’s true what they say about the Great Ocean Road, “Everything can happen here. Even the miracle of becoming loved again.”

An essential watch for those who enjoy their personality profiles rare or medium cooked.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Koa Rothman, left, and Only Fans Powerlifting superstar Nathan Florence.

World’s sexiest Only Fans star smashes internet with gripping advice on how to get better at surfing fast, “I went from zero airs to having the best surfer in the world say, ‘Hey, give me your knowledge on how to do aerials!”

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

“I was doing two three hour sessions a day, body slamming on the water over and over and coming in near tears!”

The Hawaiian-born Nathan Florence, brother of US Olympian John John and who has been labelled “the world’s sexiest Only Fans star”, has knocked the surfing world for six after revealing the secret to getting better at surfing and… fast.

Along with Hawaiian heartthrob and scion of North Shore strongman “Fast” Eddie, Koa Rothman, the twenty-eight-year-old Florence is compulsive in his telling of how he went from “zero airs” to “having my brother, the best surfer in the world, say, ‘Hey, give me your knowledge on how to do airs.’ I was doing two three-hour sessions a day at Logs (Log Cabins), worst storm winds ever, over and over, body slamming on the water, studying footage, coming in near tears and in a rage of frustration!”

Florence says that even though “most of our surfing was learned from a young age and ingrained into our reflexes” he missed the boat, as they say, when it came to airs.

He says his two-time world champ and Olympian brother’s advice was perfunctory, at best.
“He was, like, get a ton of speed, go down the line, make sure it’s a good wind and go off the section. I said, ‘Don’t say that to me again. I’ve been doing that for a month straight every day.”

Florence explained he had nothing; that he needed to know…everything:about airs.

“And, so, he had to think about it more and started giving me little tidbits, look over your shoulder instead of your chin, where are your arms, why is your stance so narrow, why is your board so heavy?”

What was gonna be a one-month project to learn airs took nine.

Florence says the average surfer can use his experience to push ‘emselves to try just a little harder.

“For me it was airs, for anyone out there it could be your turns, paddling out or a big one is popping up. It takes a ton of time and repetition.”

Essential.

 

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Chris, too big, Liam, too pretty, Luke, well, he's seen as an honest lover and brave bull.

Hollywood in shock over “beautiful and sexy” Luke Hemsworth’s explosive new role alongside Great White attack survivor turned yoga teacher Mick Fanning in apocalyptic surf drama!

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

"Sessions of an hour or more during which she’ll have twenty to fifty consecutive orgasms!"

Of the three Hemsworth brothers, Luke, I’m reliably informed by a woman whose endurance and determination with an artificial phallus has to be seen to be believed, sessions of an hour or more during which she’ll have twenty to fifty consecutive orgasms and will stop only when totally exhausted, is the “hottest” as they say.

Chris, too big, Liam, too pretty, Luke, well, he’s seen as an honest lover and brave bull.

The forty two year old star of Westworld and the face of Tourism Australia plays a pivotal role in the new film, The Greatest Surf Movie in the Universe, made by Nick Pollet and Vaughan Blakey, the same comic filmmakers behind the Tom Curren biopic Free Scrubber and Postcards from Morgs, a tongue bath for the one-time world title contender Morgan Ciblic.

The story of their new project is thus:

“After the world’s collective knowledge of surfing is completely wiped after a successful vaccination scheme with an unintended consequence, the surf god, ‘Huey’ makes a last-ditch effort to save surfing. Enlisting Mick Fanning (now a yoga teacher in the Himalayas), he plans to put together a team of former surfing champions to create The Greatest Surf Movie In The Universe and save surfing from extinction.”

The Greatest Surf Movie in the Universe premieres on April 3 in Torquay, Victoria.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
The Master and his Apprentice! @worldsurflols

On eve of Trans Visibility Day world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater escapes furore over trans-exclusionary comments with wild surf session at a wave, “Almost no one can surf!”

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

Five essential minutes with the greatest of all time Kelly Slater and his understudy, the Hawaiian world champion John John Florence!

You will have read, yesterday, the news that transgender surfers would be drawing a figurative if not literal line in the sand at Will Rogers Beach in Santa Monica this Saturday with a “Trans Day of Visibility!”

Everyone is welcome to join in on TDV, including CIS freaks and those with a huge fascination for this exotic species because who knows what it would be like to love a TS gal from her hair to her toes, although there is a caveat.

“This is a space for TGNC (Transgender and Gender Nonconforming People) folks and if you support that community, you are welcomed. This is a place of celebration and safety, so don’t duck with us we are just trying to have a nice time!”

Chas is gonna be there, I would too, if funds allowed a last-minute trans-Pacific airfare and trip to waxing salon.

Kelly Slater, of course, broke the hearts of trans-girls everywhere when he responded to a WSL rule change that allows biological males, albeit with low levels of T, to compete, with a call for a “trans division”.

Now, on the eve of Trans Visibility Day, Slater has joined John John Florence, his little brother Ivan, Kiron Jabour, and Kona Johnson for a surf at a wave “almost no one can surf.”

John John says, “This is my favourite kind of wave.”

A cauldron of boiling opposites.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Photo: Jack English
EAT BEACHGRIT SPAM!
It's Daily!