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Conspiracy: Google Exec throws smoke!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Are the tech powers trying to keep Jaws all to themselves?

Does the Jaws big wave competition still rattle in your memory? Those towering waves and brave conquistadors! Billy Kemper won the event with his great friend Albee Layer coming in second and both are from Maui, which stands to reason because Jaws is also on Maui.

But where, exactly? Do you know? Do you know where to launch your ski, say, if you had a hankering for some plus-sized bombs and didn’t have the mojo to jump from the rocks?

Well, there is a conspiracy floating around that Google is trying to keep it a secret! A Google exec, see, has recently moved to the valley isle for its beauty but also its tech potential. His name is Jamie Dinkelacker and he is a higher up engineer who, possibly, overseas the Google Maps division. But is he also a big wave cowboy? A man who lusts for the thrill?

On some of Google’s maps, you see, the boat launch one uses to set out for Jaws is obscured by an ugly grey box! And oh how the wheels of sedition turn! The Internet lit up with some accusing Mr. Dinkelacker of purposefully locking the information away as to deter all those hopeful kids with 8’10 surfboards in their California garages and dreams in their hearts.

Like most conspiracies, though, this one is full of holes. Too many to list here.

Do you want to surf Jaws? I know where to launch a ski if you do. Call me on your burner phone and we’ll whisper a plan.