American icon Pamela Anderson admits to lying about her feelings for surf great Kelly Slater, declares him her “big love, actually!”
Champion in water. Champion on land.
Come be inspired by Eddie winner and blue collar hero Luke Shepardson: “Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh!”
Listen to a tall tale from the mouth of a tall tale.
Intense pressure grows on World Surf League to implement changes after “most prestigious surf contest on earth” makes mockery of judging format!
Hands wring in Santa Monica.
In blistering attack on surf industry, social media influencer Dan Bilzerian declares “nobody likes surfing pictures on Instagram!”
Depressing.
As “Papa Surf” Barton Lynch continues to sprout most luxurious facial hair on planet, surf fans are left to wonder if longtime sponsor Hurley is responsible for greatest marketing stunt ever!
Marketing 101.
Exhausted California surfers re-wax rhino chasers with noodle arms, prepare to paddle out, yet again, into “the snotgreen sea, the scrotumtightening sea!”
Big Friday (again).
“Bomb” swell arrives in Southern California spiking wave heights and drawing severe warnings from Surfline: “Bottom line is that it’s Very Dangerous at all areas so really think hard before you attempt a paddle out!”
Get It!
In eye-popping turn, World Surf League Finals Day named fourth best surf competition on earth by august energy drink company!
Come swoon at which is number one!
Better Business Bureau on high alert as World Surf League refuses to deliver promised gifts to fans who slaved over survey ahead of Christmas!
Kick coal!
Literary world left speechless after surf journalist named one of 2022’s best true crime writers by culturally significant New York Times!
Take that, Nick Carroll.
Bicurious surf fans dabbling in World Cup Soccer heartbroken to see Gabriel Medina’s “wildly close” pal Neymar Jr. go down with twisted ankle in first game!
Blackest Friday.
In shock moral flap, noted surfer and social media mogul Mark Zuckerberg exhumes slain rapper The Notorious B.I.G. from grave, forces him to perform concert for nerds in Metaverse!
The Notorious B.I.G. Wednesday.