Listen: “World Surf League attempts to broadcast beautiful rainbow of diversity, ends up with most whitewashed program in filmographic history!”
A vigorous shade of tan-adjacent.
Listen: “I once helped make a Make-A-Wish Foundation kid’s wish come true by tomahawking down a mountain following the world’s greatest snowboarder Travis Rice!”
Then I got an Orca.
Listen: “The holiday season is that most wonderful time of year we get together, as fans of professional surfing, and mercilessly criticize everything the World Surf League has done!”
A new tradition.
Listen: “The World Surf League ‘Cone of Silence’ immortalized by Australia mainstream media as BeachGrit takes reins of public relations!”
"Embarrassingly..."
Listen: Hollywood movie star and jiujitsu black belt Scott Caan on being summoned by Eddie Rothman, how Chas should’ve slain Ashton Goggans after the “slap that stopped the world” and the rise of VALs, “I remember when surf was punk. You didn’t see Range Rovers in the parking lot and rich people with foamies!”
Surfing, fighting, lounge kissing!
Listen: “Plump Pip is the exact sprinkling of holiday magic our weary world so desperately needs!”
Joy to the world!
Listen: “Good rumor has it that billionaire, and co-Waterperson of the Year, Dirk Ziff is fed up with professional surfing and more than ready to pull the plug!”
But Pipeline!
Listen: Brazil’s first legitimate title contender Neco Padaratz on John John Florence’s $1500-a-month personal board-waxer, pro surfing conspiracies and the debilitating voodoo curse that forced him off tour!
"He did claims you could see from the next county. Adriano De Souza at his arm-flailing peak was an aging Carmelite nun compared to Neco…"
Just in: Give the gift of modern radical Islamic terrorism to friends and family this holiday season!
Nothing says "I love you" like jihad.
Listen: Superstar surf journalist Sean Doherty on his counterintuitive lunge into print, the WSL’s tenuous grip on pro surfing and the enduring legacy of Truman Capote: “I am a drunkard, I am a dope addict, I am a homosexual, I am a genius!”
And, writing drunk, giving hell to foreign oil interests etc…
Listen: Surfing superhero Mark Occhilupo on quitting the booze, being a daddy to nine kids and his beginnings as a “little cross-dressing Italian Scotsman from Kurnell!”
And being slapped by Hawaiian lifeguard and having rail bitten by famous big-wave surfer…
Listen: “In these times of tense uncertainty the only appropriate thing to do is double down on rabid partisanship. Which surf brand has had the best logo of all time?”
I'm right. Screw you.
