Bicurious surf fans dabbling in World Cup Soccer heartbroken to see Gabriel Medina’s “wildly close” pal Neymar Jr. go down with twisted ankle in first game!
Blackest Friday.
In shock moral flap, noted surfer and social media mogul Mark Zuckerberg exhumes slain rapper The Notorious B.I.G. from grave, forces him to perform concert for nerds in Metaverse!
The Notorious B.I.G. Wednesday.
World Surf League CEO Erik Logan takes claiming to heretofore unforeseen level; tosses “double deuces” when not quite barreled at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch!
Sliding into your heart.
Surf fans wring hands in worry over Kelly Slater’s financial health after surf great, onetime flame Gisele Bündchen, her ex-Tom Brady, Larry David exposed in cryptocurrency exchange collapse!
Candle, please.
JP Currie on The Passing of Andy Irons and the Day That Followed: “For all those who believe surf journalism isn’t a real job, that surfing isn’t a subject that warrants or blooms quality work beyond skimming a few waves, read some Sean Doherty.”
"This one, in my eyes, might be the pinnacle of surf podcasting."
Rumor: Billabong turncoat Griffin Colapinto, now surfing for bitter rival Quiksilver, allegedly has more cold-blooded treachery up sleeve!
Naked ambition.
In defense of Gisele Bündchen, her scintillating dreams of grand reunion with surf great Kelly Slater, Jonah Hill’s pivot to clean n green electric trucks and the indefensible!
Dead horse kicking.
Maui flyboy Albee Layer publicly vents after insulting Pipeline snub: “I’ve spent most of the 31 years of my life giving ever fiber of my being to this sport and it still likes passing me (and a few others) over every chance it gets.”
Shame on Stab.
San Diego area surfer hearts soar again as famous first daughter Emily Ratajkowski telegraphs “joining dating apps” amidst smoldering rubble of Brad Pitt romance rumors!
"So you're saying there's a chance?"
Holding qualifications for Teahupo’o Olympics in Huntington Beach slop called “act of willful negligence bordering on sociopathy” by progressive moral bellwether!
Death in the Afternoon.
World Surf League chief strategist Dave Prodan reacts to torrent of hate surrounding re-imagined tour: “Reality is that our audience figures have never been higher, which drives the value of the platform…”
A shaker of martyrdom mixed with holier-than-thou and a splash of father-knows-best.
Music industry desperately seeking “voice of a next generation” as mysterious jazz funk remix leaks from World Surf League headquarters: “Teahupo’o… as the locals prefers to call it.”
As beautiful as it is informative.