Zion Shores (pictured) smashing the proletariat.
Zion Shores (pictured) smashing the proletariat.

Surf-based class warfare explodes as “playground for the rich” Zion Shores breaks ground in Utah

“Most [of] us can’t afford an apartment, but sure let’s build some rich luxury ‘surf community.'"

Life is a tinderbox, these days, not at all a box of chocolates. The light-minded Forrest Gump coined the now-iconic phrase way back in 1994 whilst starring in his eponymous film. A young man from Hope, Arkansas was President of the United States, back then, and anything seemed possible. Waking up each morning would bring a varietal of experiences, each delicious. Well, that was 30 years ago before division, mistrust and volatility becoming the only guarantees at the start of each American day.

But let us bustle to Utah’s southern bit where a surf-based class warfare has exploded in the desert. A new 30-acre development and its 9-acre lagoon are set to open mid-2027 right outside Zion National Park and, thus, appropriately dubbed Zion Shores.

According to SF Gate:

Zion Shores is slated to comprise 65 properties: 22 townhomes and 43 single-family waterfront houses. The latter will face a vast, concrete-lined lagoon with tapered shores, according to plans, allowing those living on the artificial beach to step directly into the chlorinated waters. At the top of the lagoon will be two wavemakers where residents can hone their surfing skills. A separate, third wave pool is planned at the edge of the community, complete with a boardwalk, cabanas and umbrellas dotting the shore. Restaurants, retail space and a clubhouse skirt the property in the plans.

Dreamy, no? And the $1.5 million starting cost seems entirely reasonable but not, apparently, for poor locals. Further reporting shares locals have been made furious by this “playground for the rich,” one declaring, “Most [of] us can’t afford an apartment, but sure let’s build some rich luxury ‘surf community.’ I’m sure I’ll be doing work out there on this development but I’ll still not be able to afford f—king rent in this town.”

Zion Shores parent company Desert Lakes CEO Cody Larkin was incensed by accusations of pandering to the rich. “Our aim is not to displace local residents,” he boldly declared, “but to enhance economic opportunity through responsible development. The revenue generated — from lodging, tourism, and associated spending — will directly support the local economy, including restaurants, shops, and public services. In doing so, we believe Zion Shores helps offset some of the broader pressures associated with growth by creating jobs and long-term infrastructure investment in Washington County.”

Still thinking about that low, low $1.5 million buy in? Don’t delay. Kick the poor locals while they’re down.

David Lee Scales and I did not discuss any form of pool surfing, or pool surfing developments, during our weekly chat but did spend some time dissecting Crosby Colapinto’s spelling. Surrendur to the experience. Come be preseant with us.

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Cheyne Magnusson signs with Endless Surf
Hot redhead and TV star and wavepool manipulator Cheyne Magnusson.

Godfather of wavepools Cheyne Magnusson reveals new move after split from Palm Springs Surf Club

"Cheyne Magnusson is the kind of talent you build around."

The Maui surfer and former reality TV star Cheyne Magnusson has enjoyed only the briefest of periods of unemployment following his split from the Palm Springs Club with the announcement that he’s been picked up by Endless Surf as its new Surf Design and Operations Manager.

Magnusson, you know well.

The lightly corpulent red-head starred in the MTV reality show Maui Fever. It may be hard to believe, but, often, Cheyne had to contend with myriad women fighting to have their wombs scraped by his crooked sword. Cursed by god, but succeeding beyond all measure, how could anyone not admire Mr Magnusson. Plus, he ripped.

Many years ago now, back when I actually picked up a telephone, I asked him if being red been an impediment in your life and how can a red find love and sex.

“Yes, it has impeded my ability to blend in anywhere in the world except for the country of Ireland. Also, since being red makes me a ginger, I have no soul, which means I shouldn’t be trusted so that sucks. That being said, I quote the great Eric Cartman who stated ‘better red than dead.'”

To the second he said,

“That’s easy, first, impress them with your shredding skills on the board. Next, dazzle them with some tequila shots and a freaky dance move like the worm. Third, bust out the burning bush, chicks dig red pubes. You heard it here first, and probably last. But remember, I shouldn’t be trusted so thats actually a load of crap and I just got extremely lucky and I think my chick has terrible eyesight! Good luck out there fellow rangas.”

Where were we?

Oh, yes, Cheyne Magnusson excited the troubled Palm Springs Surf Club in a hail of recriminations a week or so ago.

“Imagine putting six years of passion into something you loved and pioneered just to be told you have no value to it,” he wrote in a stinging post.

Ominously he added, “One day, the real story of what went down here will be told, not today though.”

That short time kicking cans, sleeping real late, eating chocolate biscuits that’ve been hardened in the freezer every time you feel bored, has now ended with the notice he’ll be riding the Endless Surf tech.

 

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A post shared by Endless Surf (@endlesssurfofficial)

This makes it three wavepool companies for Mr Magnusson, American Wave Machines, Lochtefeld, Endless Surf.

Endless Surf is very happy with their new signing, as they should be. He is the maestro of button fiddling at pools afterall.

From the presser,

Cheyne is the kind of talent you build around,” says Paul Chutter, President of Endless Surf. “His track record, feel for wave design, and ability to create next-level experiences make him a huge asset as we grow. With Cheyne onboard alongside our CTO Clement Ginestet and Product Lead, Axel Terradillos, we truly have a powerhouse team shaping the future of inland surf.”

Cheyne’s hire comes at a time of rapid growth for Endless Surf, with projects underway across five continents following the recent debut of its first installation at O₂ SURFTOWN MUC in Germany. His addition reinforces Endless Surf’s commitment to delivering world-class surf experiences for all with core credibility, operational precision, and unmatched wave variety.

Many positive comments below the line, including from JOB, CJ Hobgood, Bethany Hamilton, Matt Biolos and Albee Layer.

 

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Pro surfer Connor Lyons pleads guilty to all child sex charges.
Conzy, as he likes to be called, held his own in the qualifying series.

Australian pro surfer Connor Lyons faces 20 years in prison after pleading guilty to 28 child sex charges

Lyons is one of those rare birds who doesn’t hide behind a defence of mental illness or abuse or a claim of innocence

The children’s surf coach and WSL surfer Connor Lyons, who was charged with multiple sex crimes against kids last December, and, a few months later, four more charges of indecent treatment of kids under twelve, has pleaded guilty in a Sunshine Coast court.

You’ll remember a few months back he told the court “all the charges on there are true.”

Connor Lyons, twenty-six and representing himself after benching his lawyer, is one of those rare birds who doesn’t hide behind a defence of mental illness or abuse or a claim of innocence or even a misunderstanding. It makes it a helluva lot easier for the cops, the prosecution and the families of the four kids he abused.

All up, Lyons carries thirty-three charges linked to the four alleged child victims, the crimes happening between 2022 and 2024, with the heaviest charge carrying a possible 20-year sentence.

They encompassed inappropriate conduct with minors under 16 and producing child exploitation content.

According to police, Lyons recorded his own illicit activities and saved the files on an external hard drive. Examination of his laptop allegedly revealed connections to child exploitation materials, including a video depicting a nude child changing.
Documents opposing his bail noted that Lyons allegedly told investigators he used the material and videos for sexual gratification and that he would “get off” to the kiddie porn.

Further analysis of his laptop allegedly pointed to child exploitation literature, and police claim Lyons also acknowledged committing offences against children during a trip to China. Lyons reportedly admitted to exposing himself to minors on several occasions.

He told detectives that his intent was to gauge their interest and to normalise the behaviour for them.

Whatever you think of Connor Lyons, it’ll be a quick trial and get, you’d think, five-to-ten behind bars.

He’ll remain in protection for the duration unless he’s feeling suicidal and faces the yard.

Below the liners, did you experience creeps bein’ creepy when you were a kid? I got nothing except, once, an old clubbie tugging at my little speedos as I refused his personal tour of the “clubhouse.”

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Mark Occhilupo. 'Memba him? Photo: Occy
Mark Occhilupo. 'Memba him? Photo: Occy

Billabong publicly admits surf clothing market is now elderly men not cool kids

Grandpas against establishment.

It was not that long ago, twenty-five years or such, when the surfing lifestyle, its shoes, shirts, shorts etc., were made for and by the cool kids. Labels like Quiksilver, Billabong, Gotcha and Volcom draping the young and restless in must-have garb. The surf industry was born in an explosion of rad though, twenty-five or such years later, has lost its way. The brands became publicly traded, falling on hard times and trends moved on, then purchased by private equity firms before being lumped into one mega-brand and sold to Authentic Brands Group, a New York-based licensing juggernaut that is anything but authentic.

The beancounters and pencil pushers there, though, must have finally realized that teenagers aren’t the actual market for surf-branded shoes, shirts, shorts, etc. No, it is almost exclusively made up of elderly men.

And, thus, Billabong is leaning right in, kicking the kids to the curb and dropping a whole range featuring 80s-90s era graphics plus a video featuring 80s-90s era surfer Mark Occhilupo.

The short piece follows the 1999 World Champion to Bells and then to Cloudbreak. Elderly men, watching on outdated devices, certainly cheering along and possibly punching in Billabong’s website to purchase throwback duds that remind them of better times.

Are you amongst the nostalgic?

Feeling happy to finally be seen?

Quietly hoping Vans releases an orthopedic shoe in the iconic checkerboard colorway next?

Imagining that Kelly Slater Wave Pool Co. might develop a retirement community soon?

Huzzah.

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Gabriel Medina supports transparency of WSL judging
Gabriel Medina wants a little behind-the-scenes action on the judges.

Gabriel Medina calls for revolution in surf judging, “I don’t want to argue with their score, I want to understand it deeply”

“Put a camera in there and broadcast it…”

The one-time black knight of surfing, famous for his rain squalls of tears and thunderclap tantrums, the finger jabbing and those pretty black eyes wild and obsessed, Gabriel Medina, has made a revealing statement on Instagram regarding the state of WSL judging.

Thirty-one-year-old three-time world champ Medina reposted a reel from the WSL’s former director of social media, Felipe Marcondes, where Marcondes points out the organisation has a transparency prob when it comes to the manner in which judges arrive at scores.

“There’s one thing that I wish changed overall in surfing is like transparency on judging,” says Marcondes who runs with the handle Curious Felipe and in this instance is interviewing BeachGrit’s own Toxically Positive Chris Cote.

“Because, you know, I’ve got into this before, heated arguments and all that stuff, but it doesn’t matter what the judge says, you have to trust that they know what they’re doing.

“Obviously they know way more than 99% of us and my thing is I don’t want to argue with their score, I just want to understand it deeply. A simple thing would be to put a camera in there. Mic them up cause then you’re gonna start learning more where the head was and then you’re gonna learn what counts more, what the variables are. I just wish there was a segment that would be in the middle of the broadcast – let’s just jump to the judges to see what they’re talking about.”

 

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A post shared by Felipe Marcondes (@feelipe)

It’s a real good point, idea, and would be a vast improvement on commentators still peddling the lie that a light whisking on a closeout end section will transform a six into an eight or stumbling on that same end section will reduce a nine to a seven.

Gabriel Medina was the most high profile of commenters below the line, adding his weight to the post with a simple, “I agree.”

Medina, of course, has never been a real pal of the judges. Last year at Bells, and after losing to eventual winner Cole Houshmand, he told big-wave maven Laura Enenver.

“Ah, this is funny…this is the worst judging I’ve ever seen. It’s bad for the sport, I’ve been through a lot of judging things but I feel like this is the worst one.… we pretend it’s not happening. It’s happening. It’s bad for the sport.

“The last wave was pretty small, I didn’t even paddle… this is sad. yeah, so much… (long sigh) I just feel bad. It sucks.”

Gabriel Medina’s outburst followed a long proud line of Brazilians complaining about losing, notably in El Salvador and at Surf Ranch.

Watch the whole interview here and let’s see if we can’t crank the viewer count a little beyond 53.

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