Breaking: Gold Coast closes Superbank effective midnight tonight! Police chief orders “heavy patrolling”!
"There is no holiday this year…"
An open letter to Scripps scientist Kim ‘I wouldn’t go in the water for a million dollars’ Prather, Surfline and Surfrider: “If the public continues to get hammered with conjecture as fact from SARS-CoV-2 ‘experts’ and the irrelevant Surfrider lobby, they will eventually lose faith in the necessary process of shared sacrifice and cooperation!”
Ratcheting down on the public from all sides without proof will sacrifice precious goodwill…
Report from Santa Barbara County: “We don’t have LA/OC/SD crowds beyond the dormant points, how can law enforcement close long stretches of lonely beach and why?”
"Desperation is objective and real. Surfing is now prohibited. Is that inglorious or fucking what?"
Fun Police: CNN warns against quarantined surfers attempting to conceive anti-depressive babies during these Coronavirus Doldrums!
Forbidden.
Shocking: “Openly activity-ist” San Diego elected officials ban surfing, encourage hiking countywide!
Should we rise up or keep cruising Netflix?
Hide-and-seek: Kelly Slater emerges from self-quarantine on Gold Coast’s own “skid row” to surf beachbreaks…
"Last time I was down there, there was a chap on his balcony with guns to two people's heads screaming and yelling."
Listen: “I play hard local and send people in all the time. In Covid-19, even the most pussy surfer can do it, ‘Hey Bro, stay six feet away!’ I don’t know why people aren’t owning their local right now!”
Episode two of Dirty Water, a weekly conversation between Chas Smith and Derek Rielly…
Watch: Over one-hundred rental cars burned at Florida airport; “Wildly possessive surf locals” suspected!
And this is what happens when beaches are closed and surfers are not allowed to surf.
Five large Great White sharks amass off North Carolina’s coast, preparing to “feast on buffet” and sending already panicked locals into “paroxysms of sheer terror!”
Horrifyingly delicious.
Long Read: Unsealed Lunada Bay “surf thugs” lawsuit reveals shocking acts of wanton “disrespect toward outsiders!”
"Throwing rocks, running people over with surfboards in the water, etc."
Listen: “If you could go back in time and either prevent the Coronavirus or invest in Zoom which would you choose?”
Let's stop being polite and start getting real.
Atmospheric chemist doubles down on danger of surfing in time of Coronavirus: “I wouldn’t go in the water if you paid me $1,000,000!”
Also much yelling at surfers from windows.