Question: What will “America’s Hawaiian” Kolohe Andino do now that stablemates Julian Wilson, John John Florence are rumored out the door?
Let's help a Brother out!
Listen: Surf Journalist hallucinates he is the lost sixth Coffey Sister before proceeding to have complete mental breakdown live on air!
Ruby-Lee, Ellie-Jean, Bonnie-Lou, Holly-Sue, David-Lee n me.
Rumour: John John Florence to break with Hurley over mass firing/current direction!
Who will feed, clothe and sticker the introverted, prone-to-injury two-time world champ?
Whore of Babylon: World Surf League to allegedly gift two coveted wildcard slots to reality television winner of next year’s Ultimate Surfer!
We are living in a democratized utopia!
Longtom on outgoing WSL CEO Sophie Goldschmidt: “Whether Sophie killed the dream or happened to be holding the baby when it stopped breathing will be determined by the historians of tomorrow!”
If Elo can't turn the Wozzle into something like Redbull Media house and lay down some black ink how much longer before the WSL slips sweetly into unconsciousness?
Watch: Filmer nearly captures disemboweling of oblivious surfer by “ravenous, frenzied, combative” Great White shark in North Carolina!
Also a sick little tube.
Revealed: The “Four Best Surfers in History” ranked in order according to the all-powerful Vulnerable Adult Learner!
Can you guess correctly?
First Son-in-Law Jared Kushner on life inside Trump White House: “He makes the waves…Your job is to surf the wave as best as you can every day!”
Donald Trump = Kelly Slater
Breaking: Lifeguards rush to close Australian beach as elderly surfer has foot “bitten to the bone” by “troublingly ageist” bull shark!
Un-woke.
Interview: WSL’s fantasy surfer champ revealed as Berlin-based data-journalist who says, “Its a dead platform, really.”
Picks ten out of eleven event winners…
Ripped Off: World Surf League’s Fantasy Surfer champ given nothing – not even a call from Co-Waterperson of the Year Dirk Ziff – for astounding victory!
Stingy billionaire.
Terrifying: Young Oregon boy nearly swept out to sea by “extraordinarily barbarous” rogue wave, saved thanks to mother’s “banshee-like shriek!”
The joy of naivety.