“Natural Caveman” Liver King admits using muscle-bustin’ steroids to combat low self-esteem amongst young men thereby buoying anxiety-ridden professional surfers!
Hope.
Iconic eight-time world champion Stephanie Gilmore savages sexist surf industry in new tell-all: “I felt pressure as an up-and-coming surfer to look good in a bikini and to have that hot beach-girl vibe!”
Rage against the machine.
John John Florence returns from epic quest across the Pacific, slays all challengers in Haleiwa to hoist first glistening jewel of Triple Crown high above his handsome seafaring beard!
Blonde Ambition.
Surf virtuoso who cried for three days following backlash to WSL joke silences former Pipe Master (again) with latest knuckle-duster-in-your-face performance at Pipeline, “The dude will be savaged! He will be crying! He’s got a big mouth!”
"Let’s see that dude step up! People just let these dudes chirp. Step up and put up or shut up!”
Open Thread: Comment Live, Finals Day where the surfers who believe in themselves, have pride and never quit will be winners!
V-Day!
Coldplay frontman and surf enthusiast Chris Martin buys architecturally significant Malibu home, flattens it to build modern monument to ego!
"If you don't like it, don't buy it!"
Explosive surf icon once described as “like a giant pissed off bear” lauded in the New York Times following shock death, “He was the Richard Avedon of surfing!”
“His portraits were character studies.”
“Natural caveman” bodybuilder Liver King comes under intense fire for alleged $11k per month steroid habit putting flamboyant performance enhancing drug abusing surfers on notice!
Smoke and fire.
Damning scandal rocks England as program “Operation Surfwell” uncovered; reveals full-time police officers paid to run “disgusting” surfing lessons instead of fight meddlesome crime!
Big, big trouble.
Open Thread: Comment Live, Day Three of the Haleiwa Challenger where professional surfers attempt to discover their special purpose!
Oy vey: In shock pivot away from Ashkenazi roots, beloved Hollywood frontman and “Surf Jew” Jonah Hill Feldstein petitions LA court to lose his German-Polish last name!
"It's almost like irony poisoning!"
Surf prodigy and father-to-be in critical condition after allegedly being stabbed multiple times on famous Australian beach!
“Ryan’s journey back to health is going to be a long one needing ongoing care, rehabilitation and physiotherapy”