Surfing’s cool rating downgraded to junk status after it falls to laser tag and gel blaster level

Sell, baby, sell.

Surfers, everywhere, are in mourning, this morning, after Standard & Poor’s Global Ratings downgraded surfing’s “cool status” from BBB- to non-investment grade overnight. Once the hottest commodity on earth, envy of beach volleyball, BMX and slalom waterskiing, surfing’s precipitous fall to junk has sent surfers, worldwide, into a panic of dumping any association with the Sport of Queens.

Kelly Slater’s refusal to ride off into the sunset, aging poorly in full view, is partially to blame for surfing’s nosedive but the main culprit is the expansion of wave pools. Slater is, of course, partially to blame there, too, though his ultra-exclusive tubs only allowed few very rich people to mock the idea of surfing in view of their few very rich friends.

Other user-friendly much cheaper pools in extremely less-than-desirable places combining surfing with unchill activities, at the end, the bridge too far.

The “Family-friendly oasis” Pecan Lake, in greater Phoenix, Arizona, announcement of its new “Surf-X surfing experience” but the latest indignity. Co-owner Jason Check shared with the local news, “We call it the Surf-X for the surfing experience. But what we wanted to do was create an experience. So obviously, we’ve got the (surfing), which is fun in itself, but we wanted to have the ability to order drinks, order a pizza, wings, you know, from our Your Pie Restaurant that’ll be here, and then upstairs, we have a deck, and we got TVs. We’ll have couches, misting fans.”

Surfing equal to eating wings and receiving the light satisfaction of a misting fan.

Pecan Lake also features electric go-carting, a ropes obstacle course, mini golf, ax-throwing, virtual reality games and escape rooms.

Surfing will come online, at Pecan Lake, alongside two other new editions.

Laser tag and gel blasters.

What are gel blasters?

Buy your Pecan Lake day pass here.