VALS strike back! Drop-ins, board-punching, spitting in wild Oceanside surf fight! Pro surfer “jumped and spat on by kooks” vows to take-up Brazilian jiujitsu!
VALS gone wild!
Why I Love “Ultimate Instant Surf Boi” Jonah Hill!
Kelly Slater mauled in brutal opinion piece read by millions, “He not only won the world surfing championship 11 times – so he should know a lot about medicine, I think? – but is supported by some doctor friends! So I guess it’s all a hoax after all!”
"I can't stand repeating any more of his staggering hubris."
The Ultimate Surfer runner-up Koa Smith goes on scorched earth campaign to win World Surf League wildcards recently vacated by Hawaii’s Zeke Lau! “Let’s storm WSL!”
"LFG. Let’s foxing go. This would be a dream come true. Oh my gosh."
Surf Journalist realizes road to greatness filled with many kinks, unexpected bends, takes role of iconic “Mother Ginger” in famed Nutcracker ballet in order to push fitness goals to heretofore never-imagined levels!
All the world's a stage.
Rumour: Vans and Quiksilver in wild legal war over use of checkers on Quik’s “The Original” surf trunks!
Spicoli vs Wright!
In entirely unexpected twist at inaugural Surf Park Awards, quaint Lemoore, California comes within striking distance of besting Melbourne, Australia as “most appealing” place to experience artificial waves!
Much surprise.
Public shocked, flabbergasted as Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch wins “Most Popular Surf Park for High-Performance Surfing” but loses “Most Appealing Wave Technology” to Wavegarden at inaugural Surf Park Awards!
"Ima let you finish..."
South African superstar Jordy Smith reveals why he disappeared from the tour, his Olympic heartbreak and the brutal bloody war with fibrous knee growths in, “How much more chance for an honest lover than a brave bull?”
Daddy-hood, the Olympic thing, banged up knee, the compelling and perennial joys of a patriarchal monogamous marriage etc.
A plastic wrist-band convinced me to temper combat sport training with surfing, respect sleep and achieve sexual transcendence!
When John John Florence and middle bro Nathan wake up all they can talk about is WHOOP!
Southern California’s surfers attempt to secede from inland hordes as state re-draws district map: “There’s this localist strain that if the beach is in my neighborhood then I have rights to the wave that other people don’t have and that localist strain tends to be a very White, privileged one!”
Good Republicans dead.
Why I Love “Ultimate Instant Surf Boi” Jonah Hill!
Be like Jonah!
Hawaii’s state Board of Land and Natural Resources approves eight surf school permits on heretofore pristine Kahaluu Bay: “This is now officially the VALs world, we’re just caddying their soft-tops!”
Paving paradise.
