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Witness: The Great White “was going like a rocket straight at us. I can see it so clearly, its mouth was open. I lifted my feet, grabbed the board…”

The greatest shark story ever told, starring surfing's original wonder boy…

Once upon a time, before the ubiquitous robot we cradle in our hands and stare at, head down, lips pursed as if studying the Dead Sea Scrolls while we cross roads and walk into doors, there was such a thing as The Story.

No video, no photos.

Only words, memories, emotion.

In this interview, Wayne Lynch, the Victorian surfer who made his name by hunting lonely deep-water reefs, recalls the day he and another surfer were stalked by a Great White shark.

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A shark, says Wayne, that first appeared like a submarine, silently coming out of the water head first and staring at him with its big black eyes.

Wayne said nothing to the guy, who had lost his own gun in a wipeout and who was clinging to the back of his board.

Two men on a red seven-six swallow-tail, and only one of ’em knows a Great White is slowly circling ’em.

“Every now and again, I can see the shark eight or nine feet away, swimming super slow, barely moving faster than us but in a circle. I’m looking down thinking, this is not good, this is really interesting.”

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Wayne laughs.

“I figured it was more interested in John (the surfer he was rescuing) because he was tired. That’s why I put him at the back of the board. I figure, well, I’ll save you but I won’t die for you.”

Oh, Wayne puts you right there.

And, wait for the kicker at the end.

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Wayne Lynch - the Shark Story

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Occys pool plug

Vicco shark stories coming into the bells leg are like death and taxes

tim_nelsen

delete Wayne…add Eugene…

Bill Whitlock

Damn! I was hypnotized by listening to that story.

Hippy

A friend recently opined what the effect would be if someone was eaten during a busy Rincon weekend morning in the cove. Maybe it was Mondos, that kind of grotesque humor makes more sense. How would the general public react?

Would Mondo’s clear of the Wavestorm plague? Would Ryan Lovelace lose so many of his devotee’s should the cove become the killing cove? We know the double twelve ounce glass resin tint pieces of shit would survive, but would the VAL’s attempting to ride them?

Surely the shark would not bite Bobby.

We tossed the idea back and forth, how no attacks have ever occurred in broad daylight in high visibility places. The thought occurred, it is more likely that a surf rage incident would incubate into a lone gunman on the shore machine gunning the entire first point Malibu on a chest high day. Now that could happen.

Why do these fucked up christian republican shooters always target innocent school children when they could do such societal philanthropy by emptying any of our coves of the VAL pandemic?

Of course that was his thought, I being a hippy chastised him for such negativity as all men/women are created equal under your god. Not mine, He was a local of the highest order at an undisclosed location and would only allow his only son to be murdered so that self righteous people of the future could be prejudiced against other humans.

Otto

Thats some Roland Freisler courtroom style judgment shit right there.

Hippy

Nazi Judge? I’m promoting world peace, one point break cove at a time.

Otto

“fucked up christian republican shooters”
Freisler would say such broadly casted condemnation like that. Look at the criminal code Freisler drafted and codified regarding murder. No element of taking life. Rather defendants were charged because they were Christian, Republicans and owned guns. The law was such that evidence didn’t have to be presented that a life was ended. Rather, it was their religious beliefs and lawful ownership of weapons, and their political views which resulted in a guilty verdict.
I believe in God. A Mason. Conservative/Republican and own guns. Like Freisler, you would consider me guilty of being someone who’d be a shooter that targets innocent kids, regardless of whether I’ve taken a life. You place the charge of belief before the actual killing. Because ii have different beliefs than you.
So yes. Just like Roland Freisler.

Hippy

Projection amigo. I despise hypocrisy which puts me into direct conflict with pious republican christians. The fact that gun advocacy rides along with ideologues reinterpretation of “conservatism” and cherry picking theological affirmation requires reflection about how both mediums became bastardized to support the very ideals opposite of both disciplines is a case study in sociopathy.

Case in point, you can’t protect a fetus as a virtue, but ignore the human once born. You either value life or you don’t.

The other case that shooters tend to be male, white, “conservative” and are protected by the NRA (male, white conservative) and their paid stooges also requires reflection.

I can disagree with you all day without resorting to calling you a nazi.

Otto

Fair enough. Im sure we could debate this till we’re blue in the face. I don’t like being called a nazi either. But I’ve been called one for supporting Trump. Nice to meet a progressive that doesn’t follow such trend.

Urchin Sepsis

I truly attribute my escape from the mindless jaws of death to a half bottle of tequila consumed th night before.

Anthony Guardascione

That shark was a puss. Wayne challenged him twice and both times it didn’t attack. Wayne: 2
Shark: 0
#winningwayne

Otto

Now let’s read a snippet from the Shark Gazette:
“I wish my friends had been there to see it. I was real worried for this bloke, don’t know his name, let’s name him “John”. Yeah, so anyways, he looked pretty damn tired. Reckon anyone would sharing a goddamn 7’6″ with some other chap. I’m thinking “what the serious fuck is going on here? Two guys, one board. I shit you not. Maybe they’re retarded or so stupid that it’s like they’re retarded but not, but you couldn’t tell. You know? The fucking difference. Anywho, so I’m real concerned thinking these fucks are in trouble. So I stuck around ya know. Make sure they got to shore alright. What else was I gonna do? Offer them a ride? Fuck that! So yeah, I thought they reached the beach, but Noooooo! Fucking cunts just lingered 30-40 feet from the sand, waiting for what I don’t fucking know! Got the sick feeling in me gut ya know. Like when you know something bad is about to happen, but you’re thinking I can’t change fate. Not for these two fucks anyways. Still, I hurried back towards them and was praying and praying ya know. Like don’t fucking die dumbasses! You’re so close to the beach. I got super close to them. Like watching a train wreck, how you just can’t look away! I mean fuck me! It was intense. I closed my fucking eyes. Didn’t want to see it. I admit it, I turned and swam off cause I was really all fucking emotional and shit about it all. Then like a blind squirrel finding a nut, they found themselves on the beach. And here’s the kicker! One of the stupid paddled back out! I shit you not. I left. Went to the next beach about a km away. Fuck me man! Wish I had my Go Pro!”

Superworm

Is this really the target demographic of BeachGrit? Boomer SKI’s?

Maximum Avery

Omg grubs came :/ get rid of grubs mods TTVOMJ

Chief Hot stuff

Dad shark teaching son to hunt.
You see those humans over there son…”
“Yes Dad, shall we attack them by surprise?”
“No son, first we circle round them for about ten minutes…”
“But dad… why? I’m hungry!”
“Well son, they taste better without any shit in them…”

Party Pete

Self saucing

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

I was once circled by a 6 inch turd in the lineup. Fucking tourists from Ohio. Shit on the beach like the rest of us do.

Tricia Smith

UR a freaking moron uncooth jig

Otto

uncouth

c4

looks like one got reeled in. Fishing hasn’t been nearly as good as it was in the summer.

phenomenal

Lot of dogfish in the Irish sea

Huli Opu

An Irish nurse shark told me this one:

A swordfish informed the dogfish that his breath was worse than his
bite. To which the hammerhead remarked that he really had a point there.
The sawfish chimed in that the hammerhead really nailed it. Wherein
the dogfish accused the sawfish of cutting a big one.

Huli Opu

It’s funnier when the nurse shark tells it

sue cordes

Lol

The Bitchy Crab

One of those in Margs, too.

astro

Beach Grit – The Worlds biggest Shark Story aggregator !
A repository of gore and fear.

The Bitchy Crab

Like dragon stories from days of yore.

Otto

Al Gore invented Shark Story aggregation.

astro

That truly may be his only real contribution to IT.

Otto

Didn’t he play the role of that clown in Stephen King’s IT?

joeys nosegard

is this your new book?

velobwoy

Aumakuas are real.

Lnidne

Quite the story!

The Bitchy Crab

And told so elegantly.

Jim Fu

Yeh didn’t he China! Susie slang for China plate……mate!

Jim Fu

Aussie… . who’s Susie….an AI interloper


Watch: Jackie Dorian, Badger Daddy and Pals in “Pretty People Oughta Hitch Up with Pretty People!”

Feel the divine nature of surfing fill your bones…

This relatively long-form cut of the child prodigy Jackson Dorian, who enjoyed his thirteenth birthday in September, was shot, mostly, and edited by his daddy, Shane Dorian, a former world number four.

In this video, forty-seven-year-old Shane toggles between surf footage and scenics as the little family travels through Australia, Indonesia, the Maldives and Mexico with a fitting exhibition and climax of wave jumping at the pool in Waco, Texas.

Given the age of the film’s protagonist, expect little in the way of sadistic gore and lurid sex, but do expect to feel a sudden, desperate urge to grab your surfboard and dive headlong into the ocean.

16 comments — read and reply


Watch: Big Daddy Ho and chillun in “Hush up your blasphemin’, Lucifer, and let me loose!”

Sixty-two-year-old former pro Mike, and his kids, Mason and Coco, sweep away the debris in any lineup…

Yeah, I know, y’seen plenty of Mason and Coco and Daddy Ho zipping through traffic on the North Shore.

Six days ago, it was at Pipe, watch here, today it’s at that locals-only wedge with the roll-in takeoff just north of Sunset and that no man, especially no white man, dare say its name.

(In stage whisper, Velzyland…)

I would recommend viewing of this four-minute short for several reasons. One, the crossovers between Mason and Mike, and which are recorded from the land and from Mason’s flotilla of GoPro POV units, the Mick Jagger-like pomp in Coco’s flashy surfing (did you know Coco is working with Jagger in New York?), Mason’s trigger finger popping hither and yon and the miracle of a man in his harvest years, sixty-two, still exhibiting the daily conditioned skills that long ago almost swept him into contention for a world title.

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Party Waves With Pops

59 comments — read and reply


Watch: Mike February in “This surfboard ain’t got no wrong notes!”

Lines are as perfect as a rapt baby rocking gently on a swing…

Two months ago, the surf writer Mr James Brisick, sometimes of Malibu, sometimes NYC’s lower east side, wrote a story for The New Yorker that read, in part, “(Mike Feb’s) hand jive, soul arches, and toreador-like flourishes play to the camera in a way that breaks the spell of the itinerant surfer in far-flung solitude. His style is as self-conscious as the duck-face selfie.”

(Read here.)

I think, correct when Mike’s on a throw-back craft because what else is there to do except go straight and be sexy, but, as you can see below, on a regular board, in this case a CI Happy, his lines are as perfect as a rapt baby rocking gently on a swing and as hard to argue with as a Saint Bernard dog guarding his master’s bicycle.

Mike’s surfboard, if you care about such things, which I do, measures five feet and eleven inches long, nineteen and three-sixteenths inches wide and is two and three-eighths inches thick for a grand total of twenty-nine litres.

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His fins, which are Futures, because this is the only brand of fins that good surfers ride and the official fin of BeachGrit, are the AM2, which you can examine here. 

Channel Islands Surfboards: Mikey February and the Happy

51 comments — read and reply


Watch: Mason, Dez, Coco and Mike Ho in “You know I can’t hear you when I’m in the tube!”

Your favourite vagabonds, in the one spot, at the one time!

Looking out, open-mouthed, at very square tubes at Pipeline and Mason and Coco and Uncle Dez and Daddy Mike trading sets, well, it reminds me I’ll never be anything more than a vibration rather than a solid.

In this five-minute edit by (the fabulous) Rory Pringle, Lachlan Peanut Mckinnon, Chaddy Witz, Andrew Schoener and Justin Rutherford and scored to a Hendrix soundtrack from Mason’s mammy, Brian (yeah, yeah, it ain’t a traditional name for a woman), we see the fam treading a familiar pasture.

A little history of the Ho’s, if it’s necessary. Mike Ho, with his Chinese-Hawaiian-American heritage, was 30 years old and on his last tour circuit when his girl, Brian, a Caucasian American, became pregnant.

Mike’s dad was pure Chinese. His grandmother pure Hawaiian. Mike’s mom, Mason’s paternal grandma, was from Oregon. The brother of one of Mike’s good friends was named Mason. Mike dug it. He threw a little Hawaiian in there, Kaohelaulii, a middle name that’s been carried by the Hos since Mason’s paternal grandfather. It means: “New little bamboo shoot coming out from the old. It bends and it’s hard to break,” says Mike.

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Mike had bought land up there at Backyards, Sunset, and a small house was constructed. The marriage broke up after the birth of Mason’s sister Coco, two years later. And soon, the jokester and former-pro surfer was in the serious biz of being a single parent to two kids.

“I was ‘fun dad,’” Mike says. “I’m like, ‘Surf is good, let’s go surfing. Okay, no school today.’ Yeah, I was bad. I was a bad, fun dad.”

Unless it was Pipe. “‘Go to school. Dad’s going to surf Pipe today.’”

Mike plays it down though.

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It ain’t easy when the spigot of cash from pro surfing is off and you’re thirty-something-years-old and your marriage is done. But, says, Dino Andino, “No matter how hard it got, no matter what he was going through, or doing, he always had ’em to school on time, dressed and fed. He never faltered. Ever. Mike Ho is an awesome, awesome dad.”

And, look at ’em now, all meticulously walking the Pipe tightrope.

Ho Family Surfing Pipeline

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