"Have sex with an old man, steal a plant, get arrested, and then do whatever."
The summer months at the New Jersey shore are a haven for heated civilians lookin’ for a lil escape from humidity that could shrivel a Cuban Cohiba. It’s a wonderful place if ya love getting put inna headlock and thrown to the ground for not presenting your beach badge in a timely fashion or even if your in the mood to pay eight inflated dollars for a single avocado. (Local businesses make a years salary in 4 condensed months.)
The only real dangers you may face is walking into the local pharmacy to find the hair gel shelf wiped clean or Snookie trying to figure out exact change for a rooftop daiquiri.
As local ocean waters warm with the inflow of the Gulf Stream, marine life consider it an open invitation to frolic in waters as close to humans as possible.
A point proven as a whale attacked a 25-foot boat. The power of the assault almost capsized the vessel and threw one of the four crew members into the ocean. This was not a hit and run or an accidental bump. This was a premeditated assault. The whale’s haymakers are on loop in a definite and deliberate Free Willie revenge scene.
One commenter cited “Damn, nobody wants to talk about how we bombard the waters with high frequency sound and 5g? Thought that woulda came up but I dunno.”
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Act two of the crime scene takes us to Seaside Park. where two sharks are in a spirited bout of tug o war with the taught bod of a dolphin. Dolphin pods migrate frequently through the waters rarely mingling with the owners of the multiple row incisors.
This dolphin was, likely, injured or alone as sharks don’t provoke pods. Even more unique is the proximity to the sand where the attack happens. Thrashing fins are feet from spectators on the beach.
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Few experiences are as absurd as a
Jersey Shore summer…
‘Taut’ meaning pulled tight.
‘Taught’ meaning having been learned at summfink.
ouuu,,,, um,,, yeah,,,, the Jersey City fink teachers let me down on the homophone lessons,,,,, guess thats why the taxes are soo low……
Brother made a hyperlink to explain what a Snooki is. Respect.
First time I’m hearing about us bombardin the whales with 5G. Not very cool of you’ll Jerseyites. Have some respect and go back to 3G bombs 💣
I’ve never heard someone yell help so many times in the space of 30 seconds.
welcome to Jerz my bro. where the cries of help for wave quality never stop,,,,,,
Took the words out of my mouth …
this lil run of east swell hasn’t been to bad though. early west winds. even with the dredging some very makable sections/ corners. at least at my local spot,,,, howz by u ,,,,
https://media3.giphy.com/me…
From the clip it looks like the boat driver reversed into the whale then rev’d the engine.
Active waters no doubt. Wonder what a Jersey dweller would make of the east coast of Oz year on year. Multiple white hits, I/we all dance with death every paddle goddamit. Mate sent me a vid of a fella fishing round home and a 5.5m behemoth buzzed a tinny just offshore today. Standard. endless Whale migrations through winter, with boats dedicated to observing up close in vicinity never struck!!
We do get 6months of boardie (trunk) water though, and the waves pump year round usually so all things being equal.. NSW 9.23, NJ, ummm..
Edit.. forgot to link the vid.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMCdIMKyahD/?igsh=aXI4MXJiZGI3dHo0
I’ve never been to oz unfortunately so I’m no expert and I know the whole damn place is sharky as fuck but I thought the south coast was the real suicide mission in the surf? Aren’t you guys on the east coast basically sitting nuts to butts in the lineup with your 500 closest buddies?
It used to be South Australia was the worst. Occasionally some fatal attacks in WA.
Since the change in shark fishing laws, the north coast of NSW has gotten really bad (and WA getting worse). I won’t go surfing there. Even here in Victoria there’s been some monsters sighted lately.
I had Lennox really good back in June and there was only a handful out. Sighting cleared us out though. I went back out but can’t say the sesh had the same dreamy feeling afterwards. Paradise lost the North coast now eh. All my years there as a kid and I never even thought of em.
From my limited experience on that coast, There are dozens of high-quality east coast waves (if not scores of them) where crowds are at chill levels, unless the waves are all-time. And when the waves are all-time you still get waves because there are so many of them. Just have to stay away from those three or four name-brand spots where the crowds are stupid.
those spots were regulated by centurions with caked on salt thicker than a sodium miner. wouldn’t even THINK of going to them as a kid. now..???…. couple of years back had a longboarder ditch on a set wave…. had to do some quick multiplication as saw the tongue depressor being flung: 9 ft board x 9 ft leash x stretch of 9 foot leash = 25 feet….. felt the whoosh of a wide nose brush past my face and a sigh of relief as knew sutures would not be necessary———- “where have the good (exclusion) times gone..?? “
but yeah, most crowds easy to navigate……
Sounds like this was at the Pass maybe? Or up Noosa? Crowds at those joints are best avoided. But as always, there’s windows.
That’s it exactly., and at most spots too. There are a few heavily localised joints but honestly, you need a few grumpies. Don’t be a cunt, wait ya turn and get in the rotation. Shit even if you go to super bank on a crowd you’ll still get some. Many that don’t make sections, or just pearl on the take off. I seek out a crowd these days as most of my mates are fat and old and don’t surf no mo, so I usually am solo. I used to love being literally on my own in any given spot, just so peaceful an experience, and did it all the time until around 2018/19. Now I wont surf unless there is at least 2 or more already on a spot.
South coast NSW is sick. Chill crowds and amazing amazing waves. South Oz state & West Oz were always the hot/hit spot capitals for the longest time, til around mid teens.. Ever since then my home state NSW and very near my home has had heaps of attacks, sightings every other day.. the numbers of whites & bulls but mostly Whites do the killing and lets face it, they have the record for a reason. I get the ipps all the time and just go in if so. East coast is Vicco, NSW –> Qld so like 2.5k km’s of surfable waves of all sorts. Points galore , reefs, river mouths, near most points, crazy slabs or at the headlands of beaches, and hundreds of beach breaks that all crank in the right cons. Most crowded are in the cities, or towns but even then, there is always a wave just down the road as good or better than the most crowded joints. So in other words, if you go between Feb and May you’re a 100% chance of scoring and in warm water. Just watch out for the toothy grey suited cunce and bogan slappers who’ll deffo fuck ya, but may kill you as well.
https://people.com/she-murdered-her-husband-and-cooked-his-remains-but-what-she-planned-to-do-with-them-shocked-authorities-11712899
NWS is the Sax 5th avenue of active waters,,,,, Jerz is the Brownsville ,,,,,,
haha top billing!! Used to South Africa but seems our Whites are even cuntier than the apartheid rasied toothy bastard bruu’s these days.
gentrification is a bitch ,,,,,
OMFG.
Giancarlo Guardascione aka East Coast Chas
Needs more fashion refrences!
ill up my Italian loafer game ,,,, promise ,,,
ya muff-cabbage!