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Beach bum (pictured) making mischief.
Beach bum (pictured) making mischief.

Surf bums on high alert after New York officials shutter beach to prevent party

"We don't want people to create mischief here."

Surfers can, generally, be separated into two large groups. Those who go to the beach solely to ride waves and those who go to the beach to also sit around before/after, drinking beer, talking story etc. In a word, or two, beach bums. Well, that grouping has been put on high alert after Long Island officials shuttered a beach to prevent high schoolers from coming to have a good time.

The southeastern New York spit has many gorgeous beaches, including Long Beach, and this is where we lay our scene. The aforementioned officials had heard wind that many seniors participating in “senior skip day” were planning to descend en masse to swim, gossip, hand jive and surf. Thinking quick, the council rolled out the police to not allow anyone, high schoolers or other, to touch the sand.

City Council President Brendan Finn, very proud of himself, told the local news, “Today we took the preemptive step to physically close our beaches after receiving intelligence that numerous school districts planned to head to our city for senior cut day.”

Long Beach Police Commissioner Richard DePalma, thrilled at the United States’ pivot to draconian authoritarianism, added, “This morning, NYPD Schools Safety reached out to the department and was letting us know that three schools were intending to come to Long Beach today. They had planned senior cut days and they were heading in our direction.”

Long Beach PD rallied officers and put them on the beach all day and all night, scuttling any ideas of rambunctious smash ball games or shorebreak hopping.

Finn, busily online shopping for brown shirts, demanded the last word. “We understand this may be an inconvenience for our residents with the closing of the beach today,” he beamed, “but their safety comes first. We want people to come to Long Beach, just not on senior cut day, and we don’t want people to create mischief here.”

Yeah.

No mischief.

David Lee Scales and I did not discuss New York’s seniors’ plight during our weekly chat but did speak on Griffin Colapinto’s. Certainly worth a listen.

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13 Comments
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Shredy Kruger

https://media4.giphy.com/me… “You gotta Fight for your Right to Parrrttteeeyyyy!”

J H

Last year we had one Urban Ute shot at the train station and people were stuck inside their homes and businesses while this nonsense went on.

Not to mention the literal trashing of our beach.

So yes, I was very happy that the police were proactive in stopping the chaos before it started.

(By the way…Jones Beach used to have Greek Week until the shootings and stabbings got too much.)

Tom

we are among the dumbest cunts and sheep in the world!!

deeks

*amongst

Tom

just for you ” we are amongst the dumbest cunts and sheep in the world!!”

we are among friends here?
or we are amongst friends here?

I’ll leave you to do some research and update me

Happy Camper

dang Tom, can’t believe you let deeks shepherd you into that correction.

deeks

Haha yeah that went a bit sideways. I meant “we” are the poor bastards in amongst the sheep. I need to be more succinct.

Ron

Anyone using succinct can’t be too bad!😎

Tom

yeah i was about to say get fucked – had a bad day yesterday with parents in law re care needs so i toned it down to await the research !!!

Otto

That Long Beach needs more Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart.

J H

We have plenty of both.

What we don’t need are shootings and stabbings at our train station when people are trying to come home from work.

justiceminister

Lead photo sums up what most of the world think of your average surfers input to the athletic image of sport. What WSL are fighting to countenance. Hard job.

Stick man

Coming to VRBO near you! All of you! (except maybe VONR…out in the jungle somewhere).


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