Chris Hemsworth (pictured) making plebeians mad. Photo: Instagram
Chris Hemsworth (pictured) making plebeians mad. Photo: Instagram

Chris Hemsworth infuriates fans with Surf Abu Dhabi bender

"I hate the fact you can do everything better than me."

Melbourne-born Chris Hemsworth burst onto Australia’s cinematic scene as gorgeous 21-year-old Kim Hyde on the long-running soap opera Home and Away. Neither men nor women could look away from his chiseled good looks combined with an oozing charm and great international fame was certainly his to be had.

Well, he went out and grabbed it with star turns as Thor in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Capt. Kirk’s pappy George in Star Trek and Dementus in Furiosa. Now 41, Hemsworth lives what appears to be a perfect life. Married to a Spanish model for fifteen years, father of three, homes in Los Angeles and Byron Bay, rock hard abs and baby blue eyes.

Oh. Plus he rips.

Unlike most celebrities who play the Sport of Kings, Hemsworth has enough talent to make a World Surf League Qualifying Series run. He could probably beat Edgard Groggia on the right day and he is not shy about sharing his talents, via social media, with hungry fans.

Most recently, the Order of Australia recipient was in Abu Dhabi and posted a video of him shredding Kelly Slater’s Middle Eastern tub, writing, “Spent 4 days surfing in the dessert [sic] eating good food and all round good vibes.”

It might have been one bit of “perfect life” too much for the increasingly ragged masses.

While some damned with faint praise, in the comments, and Rip Curl trying to curry favor with the star, a sentiment stood out more than others.

“I hate the fact you can do everything better than me.”

An understandable bit of coveting.

Well, David Lee Scales and I did not address Chris Hemsworth during our weekly chat, but did delve into whether professional surfers should date high schoolers or not. Very Home and Away.

Enjoy here.

Load Comments

Sally Fitzgibbons to lose place on tour
She’s currently last in the rankings and below the cut-cut — the actual go to the Challengers Series cut — and even a second-place finish on the Gold Coast didn’t change that reality. Sal obviously loves competing and I’d expect her to keep doing it as long as she possibly can. But she isn’t making the cut here. | Photo: @sallyfitzgibbons

Aussie surf queen Sally Fitzgibbons to be axed by “scimitar of doom” at Margaret River

After Margaret River, the Scimitar of Doom is retired, cast aside like last night’s prom dress.

We have arrived at Margaret River, home of vibrant sunsets, succulent vineyards, many sharks, and the dreaded cut. No, I do not work for the tourism board, why do you ask? The Scimitar of Doom hangs suspended over the the world’s top women and only ten surfers will continue to this season’s remaining events.

It is so thrilling and full of suspense. I can’t even wait to see who will survive.

This edition of Margaret River is the very last time we get to experience the cut. After this season, the Scimitar of Doom is retired, cast aside like last night’s prom dress. Instead, we get a little paring knife-type deal for a pair of events late in the season.

I’m not even sure why this plan exists but someone thought it was a good idea. So, here we are.

I was all excited to bring you a ranking of who is going to make the cut and all of that. The end of careers! The beginning of new ones!

It turns out that on the women’s side, the cut is… not that consequential. I had imagined that the expansion of the women’s Tour for 2026 would simply qualify more people through the Challenger Series. I have thought so many wrong things in my life, and not just about surfing, but we’re just going to focus on the surfing wrong things here.

How does the women’s cut actually work this year? The top fourteen women currently on Tour are automatically qualified for the expanded Tour in 2026. Seven new surfers, meanwhile, will join the Tour from the Challengers, and I do hope they’re interesting. Please be interesting new surfers on Tour. Please give me this one nice thing. Three wildcards will round out the draw.

With the Tour’s expansion, the Scimitar of Doom just got a lot less, well, doomy. Lakey, Vahine, Bella, and Brisa are currently below the cut and will still be back on Tour next year. Currently, the only woman likely to get sent to the Challengers is Sal, unless she makes a solid run up the rankings. I guess that’s possible! Anything is possible.

Four surfers are totally safe from the Scimitar of Doom. The Fabulous Four includes Gabriela, who currently leads the rankings, Caity, Molly, and Isabella and they have all punched their tickets for the second half of the season. Molly and Caity can get shacked at the Box and chill. There are worse ways to spend a couple of weeks.

Let’s look real quick at the rest. More Scimitars of Doom means a girl is more likely to miss the cut. Watch out! The Five Scimitars of the Apocalypse are coming for you!

Sally Fitzgibbons. She’s currently last in the rankings and below the cut-cut — the actual go to the Challengers Series cut — and even a second-place finish on the Gold Coast didn’t change that reality. Sal obviously loves competing and I’d expect her to keep doing it as long as she possibly can. But she isn’t making the cut here. Don’t make me eat these words. Five Scimitars of Doom.

Vahine Fierro. After a string of early-round exits, Vahine managed to make the semis at Burleigh Head, but those early exits have hurt her. Her backhand on open-face rights lacks the snap and verve of women like Sawyer Linblad and Erin Brooks. To make the cut, it’ll take a miracle at the River. Five Scimitars.

Lakey Peterson. In the hope of reviving her career, Lakey changed all kinds of things at once this year: her coach, her boards, her turns. She’s currently sitting just below the cut line and so far, she’s has only twice made it out of round 3. Margaret River suits her, especially if there’s size, but she hasn’t really made a convincing case for herself. Surprise me, girl. Five Scimitars.

Bella Kenworthy. In her rookie season, Bella’s made three quarterfinals, which is a good start to her Tour career. I think she has more to give than she’s shown so far, and I’m looking forward to seeing her back next year. On paper Margaret River is a good match for her strong-legged style, but she went out in round 3 on the Gold Coast which was not a super auspicious start to the treble. More experience should improve her consistency. Four Scimitars.

Brisa Hennessy. Typically one of the most reliable women on Tour, Brisa’s had a few shockers, including two second-round exits. She’s also had two quarterfinal finishes and made the semis at Bells. Which Brisa will show up to Margaret River? Got me! Do I look like one of those oracle things that can answer hard questions and stuff? Four Scimitars.

Sawyer Lindlbad. Last year, Sawyer went on a tear at Margaret River and finished second to Gabriela in one of her best finishes of the year. Sawyer’s improved over last year with three trips to the quarters so far. She’s perched precariously above the line right now, just ahead of Lakey, Vahine, and Bella, and I like her chances to stay there. Two Scimitars.

Luana Silva. Girl’s been singing the round 3 blues all season, but a second at Bells and a quarterfinal finish on the Gold Coast have revived Luana’s season. She has the skills, and her confidence should be high right now. Luana also managed to make the cut last year under similar circumstances. Two Scimitars.

Erin Brooks. A semifinal finish at Burleigh Head has boosted Erin’s chances of staying on Tour and punching her way into the top five. But she still has work to do, because she’s still closer to the cut than she is to the top five. On the Gold Coast, Erin rightly won the Big Important Heat against Steph Gilmore. I think she’ll make it through at Margaret River, but it’s something of a surprise that it’s even a question. Two Scimitars.

Bettylou Sakura Johnson. A big win on the Gold Coast pushed Bettylou seven spots up the rankings, and outside of a shocker, she looks secure. Her early season didn’t really come together at all as she sat stuck in round 3 for three straight events. Two quarters and a win later, and the future looks so much brighter. One Scimitar.

Caroline Marks. Currently tied on points with Bettylou, Caroline has a knack for sitting just outside the top five before pouncing. She’s still bringing the same, consistent surfing that won her a world title in 2023. (Yes, I actually got it right this time. One world title!) I’m not sure how much longer Caroline can keep playing the same tune, though, and it’s only a matter of time before Erin and Sawyer steal her lunch money. She’s safe, but only for now. One Scimitar.

Tyler Wright. It would take a shocker for Tyler to fall below the cut line, and it’s unlikely to happen at Margaret River. I’d love to push Tyler’s layback below the cut, but I do not think that this is how any of this works. If she makes the cut, her layback does, too, which is unfortunate for my eyes. Tyler currently sits fifth in the rankings, but Bettylou and Caroline are both close on points. One Scimitar.

Load Comments

Live chat, Margaret River Pro, Day One! “This time the good guys gonna win!”

Join other surf fans in a moderated, respectful, welcoming, inclusive, diverse, trans and drag-friendly space.

Load Comments

Australians (left) and Americans (right) once friends. Has that day passed?
Australians (left) and Americans (right) once friends. Has that day passed?

Tensions high at Margaret River Pro after bombshell feature describes rising hatred Australians have for Americans

Alarming.

There could very well be blood in the water as the World Surf League’s Championship Tour gets underway in Australia’s Margaret River, and not from the regions notorious sharks snacking on our heroes and heroines. No, long-simmering geopolitical tensions might boil over leading to fisticuffs on the fatal shore, or even worse.

Either People Magazine or the Daily Mail ran a feature today about a US comedienne who recently put on some shows in Melbourne. I can’t find it anymore, as it disappeared down my feed with zero trace, but I can recap. The early-thirties laugh maker was in town doing some shows when she realized a very uncomfortable energy in the room. Initially she believed it was race driven, as she is black, but then came to find out that it had nothing to do with the color of her skin but where she was from.

Those Australians hated her because she was American.

More people were interviewed and the conclusion was that Australians, and much of the rest of the world, hate Americans more than ever.

Serious hate.

Well, there are no American men currently in the Championship Tour’s top ten, and no American man surfs against an Australian one in the first round there, but on the women’s side Gabriela Bryan is currently number top, Caitlin Simmers two, Molly Picklum three and Isabella Nichols four. While Bryan is from Hawaii, thus not technically American per WSL rules, Simmers certainly is, even playing into a certain MAGA appeal, and comes up against Australian Bronte Macaulay in heat number two.

Might she be met with a hail of stones or wine grapes from Margaret River’s fabled cliffs from infuriated Aussie-people?

Hopefully not. Hopefully Griffin Colapinto’s treatise on cyberbullying has made its way to Western Australia and the locals have had time to read and meditate upon.

Peace for our time.

Load Comments

Surf fight in Virginia Beach
Surf around Virginia Beach and y'might just get yourself cut up.

The short, brutal, friendless lives of Virginia Beach surfers

"The locals remained strangers, objects to study and learn of their tendencies so as to maximize my wave count but never comrades in surf."

There is a framed photo on my home-office desk of a glassy, overhead peeling wave. The picture is grainy and sepia-toned, suggesting an early morning fog.

There’s a surfer dropping into the wave, and one other guy sitting out just beyond the peak. A little further behind him is a fishing trawler, its bow pointed out toward a misty sea.

The wave has New England vibes, the trawler dredging up memories of thick fishermen beards and knit wool caps, the empty lineup suggesting a break way off the beaten path, the surfers’ all black silhouettes implying 4/3mm neoprene from head to toe, the clean, solid groundswell reminiscent of 1980s Surfer mag features spotlighting cobblestone shorelines and lobster dinners.

You would never know the image instead was taken at arguably the most crowded, VAL-filled wave on the East Coast, the perpetual host of the oldest continuously-run surf contest in the world (ECSC), a place in the Mid-Atlantic beloved by its regulars and reviled by just about everyone else, a spot that is derisively described as the Right Coast version of Doheny.

I surfed Virginia Beach’s First Street for the first time in 1991, nearly three decades before the picture was taken.

I was fresh out of Florida, hot off a run of memorable surf trips, desperate for a spot I could surf before, after and in between my college summer jobs.

I actually premiered my Virginia Beadch surf journey at pre-parking ban Croatan, a spread of beach just south of Rudee Inlet (First Street breaks off the jetty on the north side of Rudee) adjacent to a Tiffany-encrusted neighborhood.

Croatan features a tidy collection of sandbars and multiple break options — i.e., it’s a place where with a little luck you could find a lineup to yourself from time to time.

In those pre-Surfline days I knew about First Street from what (the relatively friendly) Croatan locals told me — stay away, the place is jam packed even on light days, everyone’s an asshole, the wave isn’t worth the hassle, etc.

But seemingly every time I drove over the Rudee Inlet bridge, I could see lines coming off the north side of the jetty, even on days when Croatan was mostly flat.

So one late summer day, I parked on the loop, waxed up, walked over the boardwalk, and paddled my 18” thruster out into a sunny lineup featuring a mediocre 2-3 foot groundswell.

The first thing I saw was some guy coming down the line and pulling a sliding 360, a maneuver that counted as fairly progressive in those pre-aerial days.

Out in the lineup, the chatter was fast and thick among a cluster of regular shortboarders who clearly had spent a lot of time together. The chatter crew dominated both the conversation and the sets, leaving everyone else scrounging for morsels.

I didn’t blame them. Without some regulation, an already chaotic lineup would have descended into pure mayhem.

But it wasn’t for me. I took my Floridian talents back south to Croatan and didn’t venture north across the inlet again that summer, or the next, or the next.

The years passed. I moved away for more jobs — and even more school — before eventually finding myself back in the region in the early to mid aughts.

By then, the city had cracked down on Croatan parking in response to the constant complaints from uptight neighbors about wetsuit-stripping surfers exposing themselves in front of the neighbor’s multi-million dollar villas.

With Croatan on parking ordinance lockdown, I bounced around to some alternate waves, mostly on the North End, which is to say pretty much any spot north of 42nd Street. But the sandbars were fickle, and my available windows were tight — I didn’t have the luxury of checking three to four spots before paddling out.

More and more I found myself drawn to First Street, by far the most consistent spot in the area, a place that could turn even a whisper of windswell into a rideable wave.

On its best days, the wave lines up and features a long, running righthander that can stretch from out beyond the jetty all the way to the sand.

Plus, it doesn’t hurt that the current running out to sea adjacent to the jetty acts like an aquatic conveyor belt to the lineup, usually with nary a duck dive required, even on overhead days.

After a few tentative test runs, I gave in to the jetty’s siren song. From 2010 through 2019, when in town I surfed First Street nearly exclusively.*

In the early days of that stretch, I figured out where to sit on my 5-10 Jesse Fernandez fish, either far enough inside the by-then-ubiquitous longboard crew to catch the smaller set waves that snuck underneath them or up the beach enough to catch the wide sets that hit the second peak north of the jetty proper.

I also started hitting the lineup before first light. It was nearly impossible to beat the hardest core of the local crew into the lineup, but you could usually find at least an hour or so of relatively uncrowded surf before the crowd filled in.

And winter helped. In the dark days of January and February, water temps would dip into the low 40s (F), and the crowd would shrivel up almost as much as your testicles.

As time passed, I eventually succumbed to the virus that afflicts many surfers in their 40’s, or at least those who find their athletic prowess slipping and yearn for a way to catch more waves in crowded lineups, especially lineups dominated by old school long boarders — I shelved my shortboards and began heading out on craft that maximized my dwindling paddle power and gave me a fighting chance against the increasingly longboard-dominant lineup, first on an old school single fin log I picked up off Craigslist, and later on another Jesse Fernandez shape, this time a mid-length.

All of which is how I found myself in the right spot for waves like the one depicted in that grainy photo on my desk.

Years of paddling out, learning the lineup, tracking the sandbar back and forth across the few hundred yard playing field encompassing the break, sometimes taking off outside the tip of the jetty, sometimes tracking north a few dozen yards, sometimes sitting right on top of the jetty and paddling into the refraction off the rocks (a la Sebastian Inlet), but in all events constantly chasing the ever-mutating dimensions of sand bottom contours and swell direction and dredging projects.

And I did it all in virtually complete anonymity.

I never considered myself a First Street local — in my surfing mind I never permanently left Florida.

I got to know the local faces, but they remained strangers, objects to study and learn of their tendencies so as to maximize my wave count but never comrades in surf.

Selfish, I know.

There was Andie L, who’s been surfing the zone since the 1960s and somehow still always caught the best waves of the day (so long as the swell wasn’t overhead, in which case he wouldn’t venture out).

There’s the shortboarder who looked (and sounded) like Thomas Haden Church’s long lost twin.

There’s the younger longboard crew, the locally famous group who were veterans of the contest circuit and approached the lineup like one imagines Caesar or Cleopatra might have if the denizens of the ancient Mediterranean surfed.

There’s the older longboard crew, the gritty blue collar workers with salt perpetually crusted on their mustaches, the ones who were always first in the lineup no matter how early I showed up, and the ones who inevitably (and deservingly) grabbed the majority of the best set waves.

There was even the world’s only respectable SUP-er, a very fit young Asian guy who gave away more than his fair share of waves, stayed out of people’s way, and generally ripped when he did take off.

And all of it was (and is) documented by the venerable water photog legend, Ed Obermeyer, a sexagenarian who nonetheless would shoot from the water during nearly every decent swell event.

Sure, there were assholes, and at times the lineup became too unwieldy to navigate no matter how familiar the terrain.

But over time it became like a second home, a familiar place that guaranteed a few rides on the worst days and on the best days made you feel like you had stumbled upon one of the Mid-Atlantic’s best kept secrets.

With the early morning sun just peeking over the ocean horizon, a pod of dolphins lazily rolling by, and a decent bit of energy moving the water underneath, you could forget about the rest of the world, if only for an hour or two.

I left the area in 2019. It’s now been several years since I last paddled out at First Street. All of these faces and scenes are fading away.

In the years since, I’ve put in time at multiple spots far removed from the East Coast and been reminded anew of what world class lineups feel like.

But lately those fading dawn patrol memories have been rekindled by the IG algorithm, which has been flooding my feed with VB-centric surf content.

There’s the Wavegarden Atlantic Park pool that’s due to open this summer a few blocks up from First Street and hopefully give the wannabe rippers and countless VALs who swarm the area from Memorial to Labor Day an excuse to stay out of the local ocean lineups.

There’s a book project sponsored by ex-professional Virginia Beach surfer Jason Borte, which is also due for release this summer.

Titled Virginia is for Surfers — a play off the long-standing Virginia tourism slogan, “Virginia is for Lovers” — it’s being flacked as a coffee table type edition with lots of photos and words discussing Virginia’s long love affair with surfing (here’s the Kickstarter link, if — unlike every BG commenter ever — you are so inclined.)**

And then, of course, there’s the East Coast Surfing Championships (sponsored by Coastal Edge), the venerable contest that runs every August and is basically the biggest surf-themed beach party anywhere in the country not named Huntington.

But I don’t recommend any of it (except maybe tossing a couple bucks Borte’s way).*

Instead, just skip all the social media hype.

Wait for winter.

Meander down to the Rudee Inlet parking loop before dawn.

Squeeze your yawning flesh into a hooded 4/3 (or 5/4), pull on your lobster gloves and 5mm booties.

Take the conveyor belt out beyond the jetty and sit a little wide of the OG longboard crew.

Enjoy the sunrise. Keep your eyes peeled for dolphins.

And if you haven’t been a prick in this life or the last, the wave gods might smile upon you.

With any luck, they’ll send you a Jetty Dreamer — a perfect east coast nugget that will transport you far from wave pools, and contest raves, and boardwalks crowded with tourists, and bring you back to the essence of why we all became obsessed with this silly little pastime to begin with.

*To be clear, the waves in VB generally don’t hold a candle to spots on the OBX, which on the right day feature some of the better beach breaks anywhere outside France.

**I don’t know Borte, have never met him, and I have no connection to his book project whatsoever.

Load Comments