He keeps a boy in a cage and feeds him booze and whores and belts him three or four times a day! Maybe true!
Just moments after sailing into world title favouritism (if Gabriel was paralysed with fear in Portugal, wait until the long switch blade of the world title, of Hawaii, of Pipeline is above his head), Mick Fanning explained the secret to his endurance.
And such a secret!
“I still get letters in the mail,” confides Mick, “mostly from cracked-up men in tiny rooms with factory jobs or no jobs who are living with whores or no woman at all.”
The people’s champion!
These fans, says Mick, “have no hope, just booze and madness. Most of their letters are on lined paper written with an unsharpened pencil or in ink in tiny handwriting that slants to the left and the paper is often torn usually halfway up the middle and they say they like my stuff, that I surf on rail, that I don’t make mistakes.”
Mick is thoughtful. He lays on a clean bed. We can hear the bellow of a truck outside.
“I wonder if they realise where their letters arrive?” he says. “Well, they are dropped into a box behind a six-foot hedge with a long driveway leading to a two-car garage, three-jetski garage, a rose garden, fruit trees, animals, a beautiful woman, mortgage about half paid after a year, a new car, fireplace and a green rug two-inches thick…”
and,
The secret to your endurance?
“I have a young boy to surf for me now,” says Mick. In between contests, “I keep him in a ten-foot cage feed him whiskey and raw whores, belt him pretty good three or four times a week.”
Does it work? What do you think.
” I’m 33 years old now and the critics say my stuff is getting better than ever.”
(And the world title scenarios at Pipe? Cut and pasted from ASP press release below!)
- If Medina finishes 2nd or better at the Billabong Pipeline Masters, he
- will clinch the 2014 ASP World Title.
- If Medina finishes 3rd at the Billabong Pipeline Masters, Fanning will
- need to win the event and Slater will be out of contention.
- If Medina finishes 5th at the Billabong Pipeline Masters, Fanning will
- need to win the event and Slater will be out of contention.
- If Medina finishes 9th at the Billabong Pipeline Masters, Fanning will
- need to finish 2nd or better and Slater will be out of contention.
- If Medina finishes 13th or 25th at the Billabong Pipeline Masters,
- Fanning will need to finish 3rd to win or 5th to send the title race into a
- one-heat “surf-off” between himself and Medina. If Medina finishes
- 13th or 25th at the Billabong Pipeline Masters, Slater will need to win
- the event.
You want Mick to call you names like your buddy Chas don’t you?