There's a little Jesus inside every devil!
This is a little weird, so stick with me. The actor and front-gal Juliette Lewis (Natural Born Killers, Starsky and Hutch, Juliette and the Licks) has this list of questions she used to ask potential boyfriends to get to know ’em better. JL asks about a guy’s dick, about cats, asparagus, knifings, Christ, roller coasters – all the questions a hack interview cowed by his subject would be too terrified to ask.
So, I figured, let’s throw these questions at surfers I like. The first interviewee was Ozzie Wright some years ago. Others include Shane Dorian and Dave Rastovich. But, first, Oz…
BeachGrit: Did you ever stab someone to cut them intentionally with a sharp object?
Oz: Yeah, I’ve cut myself. One time we were going to a dress-up party and I wanted to be Sid Vicious so I inscribed Nancy into my chest. The pain was fine. No pain, no gain. Plus, when I looked at the photos I looked like a tough nut.
Do you like asparagus?
Spargle? Yes. That’s what they call it in Switzerland.
Do you have a middle name?
Billy. I only found out about the Pippen part when I was about 15 (His full name is Oscar Billy Pippen Wright). It was on my birth certificate but not on my passport.
Do cats frustrate you as pets or do you admire their independence?
I do admire their independence. I admire their athleticism even though they’re pretty lazy. I like them when they spring up, they go boom. Good reflexes.
Did you ever break a guy’s nose? Would you say you’ve won more fights than you’ve lost?
No, never broken a guy’s nose and I’ve never won a fight. I’ve probably had 10 fights and I wouldn’t say I’ve ever won one. I’ve never really punched anyone. I just get punched and the fight’s usually over. I just try to get out of there. I don’t wanna kill anyone.
Was there a time when you were mystified by the workings of your penis?
There are times, there are often times.
Do you look more like your mother or father?
I reckon my face is fifty-fifty. My skin is my mum’s. My hair’s my dad but he was bald and I don’t think I’ll ever go bald. I’ve got a few grey ones, though.
What’s the first image you have of the female body?
Beautiful and soft.
Does the respect factor drop when a woman has breast implants?
I’ve never really hung out with a girl that’s got breast implants but they’re probably not my cup of tea.
Do you like rollercoasters?
Yeah. I like the rickety old thing at Luna Park (in Sydney). It scares the shit out of me.
What do you imagine happens to someone after the body dies? And do you believe that you are a spirit with a body or just a mind?
Just dust after death. And we’re a spirit with a body.
How do you explain Mozart writing symphonies at seven?
Did the female anatomy ever mystify and scare you?
This girl named Susie asked me out at school and I said yes. I liked her but I was definitely scared of her body.
Did you ever own Birkenstocks?
I did but I lost them in WA. I got ’em from Vinnies (thrift store) and they were awesome.
What was your favourite expression growing up?
What can I draw? What can I draw?
Do you feel that we are all potentially Christ-like?
Yes. If you really aspire to be the best that you can be, you can inspire generations. If we try really hard and pursue something that we believe in, we can leave a legacy on this earth, no matter how small. There’s greatness in every man.