I also super hate it. What fun!
I do not care about professional surfing. And then, two days ago, the Quiksilver Pro, Gold Coast, began and I became so excited that I logged on while Dawn Patrol played. Dawn Patrol. The maybe worst thing that has ever touched the Internet. Why? Why on earth did I do that? Watching professional surfing is a tremendous waste of time, especially during the early rounds. The commentary, new starlet Chelsea Cannel aside, is utterly asinine. So bad that it is an assault on the decency of human speech. The waves very rarely put on any sort of display and the surfing, while clearly exceptional, rarely wows. Especially at stops like the Gold Coast and especially two days ago.
Why then? Why, why, why, why do I watch professional surfing? I have given my actions a hard look and have come to two concrete conclusions. I hate watch. I watch The Devil Wears Prada every time it is on because I hate Anne Hathaway. I hate her fetal alcohol eyes. I hate her hair and I hate how she is styled in the gaggiest couture in the silliest most affected way. I hate Adrian Grenier. I hate his doughy face and his whiny mouth and his curls. I hate their relationship, in the film, and I hate all their friends and I hate that Adrian Grenier is always prattling on about Jarlsberg cheese. I could go on all day because there is something very satisfying about hate watching. I get the same satisfaction out of the World Surf League. So part of it is, yes, hate watching. But there is something far greater.
I watch professional surfing because I love the outcasts and misfits and weirdos who make up the larger surf community. I love giggling on Twitter with Matt Warshaw and Really Super Jr. and Jamon Bagel and Sir Gorik Badinskas and Not Dane Reynolds. I love chatting about which tour bottom feeders should get cut with anyone and everyone but especially Austrians and French Moroccans. I love hoping against hope that CJ Hobgood will win each and every event so I can laugh with him about it later. I love looking at Matt Biolos’s Instagram. I love pulling out the iPhone, when heats are running, at important functions and watching the worst derelicts come look over my shoulder and carry on about Dane’s beer belly.
Much like Adrian Grenier prattling on about Jarlsberg cheese, I have spent the larger part of my surf journalism career claiming that surfing is cool. Only lately have I come to the true realization that it is not. It is where addicts with no real skill come and waste lives that once held promise. And it is the greatest community of all. So I watch because I hate but I also watch because I love. Two very fine emotions. Thank you, WSL for providing the platform. And if you start charging for it, I will burn down your fucking Santa Monica studio. Or at least figure out how to pirate the stream.
I think more people would pay to stream the world paint drying league than the WSL. maybe if a wardrobe malfunctioned Anne Hathaway was involved….
It is what it is and people shall whine. Look around, what and who is perfect? Everything and everyone is perfect. Now let me whine about wave pools..and hipsters. Oh, and I personally enjoy watching WSL
Surfing was only ever cool for a few short counter culture years in the late 60’s and early 70’s. Its been trying hard ever since. Our little Skating brothers seem to keep being cool down reasonably consistent over the decades?? Why? because they are busy being gnarly and not giving a fuck while we chase the dollar, dollar bill yo.
The mid 80’s is the truest reflection of what surfing really is. Pumped up jocks wearing fluro wetsuits and terrible clothes, industry gimps bowing down to each and every “request” from overbearing, power tripping sponsors.
All the while those without any grasp of independent thought, play follow the leader. Cut and paste. Mainstream my friend, thats our dream.
See now Im pissed off and ranting on the internet!.
I came home to do some paperwork in the office and hopefully watch a few heats in-between operating the calculator and low and behold it’s a fucking lay day.
As for paying for content, I wont be. But I will come around with a dozen beers to someone else’s to watch.
And yes to a pirate broadcast! Rebel rebel yell! I have mentioned this to BeachGrit and Aint that swell on respective FB pages as I think it needs alittle guest “star power” to make it work… Tent, generator, Handi-cam on the beach. commenters could be a selection of ex failed pro’s, hoes, internet hero’s, whoever… feed them beer, hell feed them meth!
No matter how its run, as surfers we want to watch the best guy’s take massive drops and rip the shit out of waves.
Chas and Derek get the outcasts and misfits and weirdos involved, you guys know them all! you can be the scout leaders! We have the waves and talent, yet something is missing and I know that the WSL will have only the wrong answers.
Fuuuuuuuuuck, there aren’t enough upvotes in the (surf) world for this.
Fletcher and Ratboy would be perfect color commentators, they dont give a flying fuck who the CT guys are.. We would be laughing for days
Professional surfing contests are such wonderful contradictions! I think what it comes down to, for me, is that I am simultaneously amused and embarrassed by the naivete of it all – like hearing Kanye West talk about art and music. It’s so charmingly wrong!
The original Princess Diaries, which I believe was Hathaway’s breakout role, is very non-hatable. Wait till your daughter is in princess mode and give it a try. Open mind.
Ms Hathaway in Les Misérables? So overwrought!
At least in Love and other drugs she gets her rack out on numerous occasions…the only role i remember her for
Fetal alcohol eyes: You have made my day, I might go back to bed now.
Guilty as charged!
But I also hate that ASP/WSL or the Pizazz crew make me hate “professional SURFing” so much despite loving the “surf” part of it… I do thank them for making it too hard for anyone to like it other then the most faithful hardcore lovers.
P.S. I love boobs also, so tend to forgive Anne for the dog eyes as long as there is a hint of the first.