In between sweeping up the detritus of suicide
bombers, the writer ponders…
I sit here in the airport and I’m forced to wonder if
anyone here is even noticing me. I look around and I see
these faces. Pretty faces, ugly faces, fat faces and thin faces,
but everyone moves with a glazed-over look and you’re forced to
wonder if they even have any idea what is happening around
them or who the people are they are so casually dismissing with
their non-caring eyes.
Through all of this you’re observing intimate moments. The
father coming back from Afghanistan to his four young children, the
joy so palpable, so real and so close to home that it reduces
you to tears; the scorned lovers who manage to reclaim what
they’ve lost for that one fleeting moment when she comes through
the gate and sees the man she loved before the moment that she
remembers, or maybe realises for the first time, how dead that
man really is.
All of this, I sit here observing. They say we’re always in
motion, always changing, always affecting everything around
us. That it’s impossible to be a non-interfering observer, that the
fundamental premise of science (that we can observe and learn
without affecting or changing) is blatantly without merit or
worth.
Yet I know that these people aren’t noticing me.
Why would they? I sit in a nondescript black chair with a
nondescript laptop, a plain backpack, generic clothing and my
height is hidden by my slouch. There is nothing special here and
the brains around me understand that. They absorb their
surroundings, their quest for the gate, the flight, the adventure
(but, more likely, the mundane business of life) and discard
those things that are unimportant.
So the question is, am I truly in motion? Or is the world just
moving around me? Am I affecting things or just being affected?
Then it happens… a child wanders by. A child who has not yet
learned that it is not acceptable to stare. But stare this child
does. A stare born of amazement with all that is occurring
around them. A first trip the airport? Maybe not, but definitely
the first they will remember. And what is this child, this little
girl, doing? She stares at me as I stretch. Because children see
all. They don’t have the fine-tuned apathy and discomfort that
develops in our brains later on. They can’t control the human
curiosity that should define us all. They want to see all, and know
all, and hear and feel and drink and eat and learn and, though they
don’t know what to call it, love all.
They want to experience everything. They have not yet been
broken of that most amazing of things… the human spirit.
Then it all flows in at once. I try to be invisible again but it
doesn’t work. Suddenly, I feel not just her eyes on me, but notice
the quick and hurried glances of the people as they move
by me, occasionally holding my return glance for a moment, as
if to say, “Yes, even in this hurried modern age, we are still
connected, we still belong, and we are still all human.”
And so I realize, as hard as I try to avoid it, I’m just as much
in motion as those around me. I sit and I try to let my life
pass me by, try to avoid making the decisions that need to be made,
ignore the problems that I need to solve. All in the hopes that
life will pass me by and I won’t need to make any decisions at
all.
And, yet, all I really want to do is be a vulture. I want to sit
here and feed off the happiness of these people, the people seeing
their loved ones, the people marching towards a flight with a sense
of hope and desire, a poignant sense of what is to come.
And, yet, they are all tinged with sadness. Because all of
them, all of us, even me, leave a little bit behind in every
airport, every plane, that they visit. I sit here still, the
odours, images, tastes and sounds passing by me, and know that as
much as I wish I wasn’t, and as hard as I try not be, I am indeed
part of this chaotic motion, not an observer, taking a little from
each experience I share, even if from a distance.
This is what it means to be human.
And it exists in every airport, in every country, in every city.
And it’s fleeting, though, because it only exists in those
moments.
Editor’s note: Of course, as fate would
play these things, Michael Kocher is seriously ill and maybe he
won’t be tap-dancing on those keys for long. Malignant tumours.
He’s in chemo. If you want to help a brother out, as in America
ain’t so great with picking up the tab for its dying vets, click
right here.
