Gullible? Yes we are. April Fools, baby.
Kelly Slater has a surprisingly kooky sense of humour. I remember once, live, overdubbing a camp commentary, to the movie No Destination that was playing on a big-screen at Quiksilver’s head-office in France. The gag was a hit. Some party-goers were outraged (you mock homosexuals?) while others laughed at the absurdity.
Soon, another voice joined me, endowing the game with in-character banter for ten minutes.
“Oh Ross! Great turn! Who knew you had such spunk!”
“O0hh Shane, great… bottom… turn…”
Who knew Kelly had humour!
And, today, on Instagram, as April Fool’s Day fell in America, Kelly Slater announced his retirement.
“Big decisions in life don’t come easy and it’s taken a lot of quiet time and personal introspection to come this conclusion,” wrote the 43-year-old from Torquay, Victoria.
Twenty-two thousand fans double-tapped “like”; nearly two thousand were moved enough to write some kind of message, a litany of disbelief and wailing sadness.
Cruel enough for you? (Click here!)
But it ain’t true.
In a brisk email exchange, I wrote, “Yeah or non? Are you really done?”
“Non. Fucking gullible people, haha,” Kelly replied.
Hello, the WSL needs another 2 to 6 million people actually watching the event (simultaneously) online to survive. Mason is fantastic but what he brings to the web traffic is barely a rounding error for the viewer numbers that the WSL needs to come up with to survive. In a nutshell, the WSL is essentially over and running on the fumes of a Dirk Ziff wire transfer.
Dude read his book. He went pro right out of high school. Non edumacated. Law degree haha.
In this day and age it is more silly to associate the attainment of an undergraduate degree with being educated.
His book is hella old now, it is not unreasonable to think he may have attained degrees since the publishing of Pipe Dreams..
so we can pick up the phone to call about this, but we didn’t bother to ask where his undergrad degree is from? Fucking reporters.
…oh yeah, I asked that too. “I have no law degree,” said Kelly. “Don’t know where that came from but it’s funny. I just call my dad’s best friend who’s a lawyer and get some ‘Freegal’ as he calls it (free legal) from time to time…” Wiki, eh?
That deserves it’s own story. Do we even know our heroes at all anymore?
But if this is true what will he wear to the press conference? Gucci? YSL? Or…GASP…Volcom? What if he were to wear Reyn Spooner? I’m assuming that Chas is on the case as we speak, right?