Barry McGee artist
The San Francisco painter, graffiti artist, and surfer, Barry McGee's urban-centric work. Familiar? Yeah, RVCA decorates its caps, trunks and tees with Barry's work.

Long read: Barry McGee in the New Yorker!

Surfing's coolest artist and his sad, beautiful life… 

Maybe you know the artist Barry McGee from the RCVA hats and tees that are everywhere, maybe from the Beautiful Losers exhibitions he did with Ed Templeton, Mike Mills, Thomas Campbell, his wife Margaret Kilgallen (more on this amazing gal real soon) and co a while back.

Maybe you just know his bleakly pessimistic, but still kinda sweet, characters that he paints for high-end exhibition and also as graffiti on walls and train carriages.

Influential? Yeah.

Surfer? Always.

The story below (reproduced in part to get y’in, then you’ll hit a link to The New Yorker), is called The Ghostly Love Triangle of the Mission School, and it tells the story of Barry, his wife and contemporary Margaret Kilgallen and a third artist, Clare Rojas.

I don’t want to bust open the narrative here, but read, read. It’s sad (death), it’s kooky (Clare is also a country singer) and it sends the spirit all over the place…

 

 

Early on the morning I went to see the San Francisco artists Barry McGee and Clare Rojas at their weekend place, in Marin County, a robin redbreast began hurling itself at a window in their living room. “It won’t stop,” Rojas said. She picked up a sculpture of a bird from the inside sill to warn it off. When that didn’t work, Rojas instructed her fourteen-year-old daughter, Asha, to cut out three paper birds, which she taped to the window, as if to say: GO AWAY. “Can I let it in, Clare?” McGee asked gently. Absolutely not, Rojas answered. Thud. The bird hit the glass again, and their three dogs barked wildly. “I think it’s time to let it in,” McGee said. Rojas shook her head, smiled tightly, and said, “Maybe it’s Margaret.”

It was 1999, and Rojas was newly graduated from the Rhode Island School of Design, when she first saw the work of the painter Margaret Kilgallen, who was thirty-one. It was at Deitch Projects, in SoHo. For the exhibit, a solo show called “To Friend + Foe,” Kilgallen had painted freehand on the gallery walls, in a flat, folk-art style, a pair of enormous brawling women, one wielding a broken bottle, the other with her fists up. At the time, Rojas was painting miniature dark-hearted fairy tales—girls in the woods with fierce animals—and, like many young painters, she was struck by the scale of Kilgallen’s work. “I was, like, ‘Who is this?’ ” Rojas told me. “There were not many women artists out there being outspoken and loud and big and feminine. I remember saying, ‘I want to see big women everywhere now!’ ” Rojas was living in a small apartment in Philadelphia, folding clothes at Banana Republic and working as a secretary to pay off student loans, painting her miniatures when she got home, tired out, at night. She couldn’t wait to make big paintings of her own.

Kilgallen, a book conservator at the San Francisco Public Library, drew upon old typography, hand-lettered signs, and the gritty urban environment of the Mission, where she lived and worked, to evoke a wistful, rough-edged West Coast landscape. She used leftover latex house paint in vintage circus-poster colors like blood red, ochre, and bird’s-egg blue-green, and, when she wasn’t painting straight on the wall, worked on found wood. She represented women as stoic, defiant, and usually alone—surfing, smoking, crying, cooking, playing the banjo. She admired physical endurance and courage. One of her icons was Fanny Durack, a pioneering swimmer who won a gold medal at the 1912 Olympics. Her word paintings, playful and fatalistic, provided a melancholy undertow to the bravado: “Windsome Lose Some,” “Woe Begone,” “So Long Lief.”

In her work, Kilgallen dropped arcane hints about herself. “To Friend + Foe” included a painting of two surfers, female and male, holding hands; a month before the opening, Kilgallen had used the image on the invitation to her wedding, to Barry McGee, in the hills overlooking San Francisco’s Linda Mar Beach, where the couple surfed together. McGee, who is Chinese and Irish, grew up in South San Francisco, where his father worked at an auto-body shop, and started writing graffiti under the name Twist when he was a teen-ager. Even now that he is nearly fifty, and has shown at the Venice Biennale and at the Carnegie International, crowds of teen-agers show up at his openings to have him sign their skateboards.

Among the artists associated with the Mission School—a loose group working in San Francisco in the nineties who shared an affinity for old wood, streetscapes, and anything raw or unschooled—Kilgallen and McGee were the most visible and the most admired. “They were the king and queen,” Ann Philbin, the director of the Hammer Museum, in Los Angeles, says. “They were the opposite of putting themselves forward in that kind of way, but everyone understood that they were such exceptional artists and so supremely talented, and, by the way, so beautiful.”

Five feet ten and slender, Kilgallen was intrepid, stubborn, and mischievous, a winsome tomboy with curly reddish-brown hair that she often pulled back in a clip at her temple. She was stylish and insouciant; she shoplifted lingerie from Goodwill and wore an orange ribbon tied around her neck. When I asked McGee the color of her eyes, he wrote, “Margaret’s eyes were blue as can be.” He was also tall and slim, with boyish dark hair that flopped into his eyes. Where Kilgallen was direct, McGee was subtle and evasive. Each was the other’s first love. “In social situations, Barry let Margaret do the talking,” Jeffrey Deitch, who founded Deitch Projects, says. “He’d be shuffling around shyly.” Cheryl Dunn, a filmmaker who spent time with Kilgallen and McGee, remembers her saying that if she didn’t tell him to have a sandwich he’d forget to eat.

Like children playing away from the adults, Kilgallen and McGee occupied a world of their own invention. They lived cheaply and resourcefully, scavenging art supplies and furniture. Pack rats, they filled their home—first a warehouse building and then a two-story row house in the Mission—with skateboards, surfboards, paintings, thrift-store clothes, and other useful junk. At night, dressed identically in pegged work pants and Adidas shoes, they went on graffiti-writing adventures. She was daring, scaling buildings and sneaking into forbidden sites. He once painted the inside of a tunnel with a series of faces so that, like a flip book, it animated as you drove past.

In the studio they shared, Kilgallen and McGee worked side by side. He showed her how to make her own panels, and she brought home from the library the yellowing endpapers of old books, which they started painting on. She worked on her women; he painted and repainted the sad, sagging faces of the outcast men he saw around the city. They worked obsessively, perfecting their lettering, their cursives, and their lines. “Barry is busy downstairs making stickers,” Kilgallen wrote to a friend. “I hear the squeak of his pen—chisel tipped permanent black—I have been drawing pretty much every day, mostly, silly things; and when I feel brave I have been trying to teach myself how to paint.” When he needed an idea, he’d go over to her space and lift one. Deitch likens them to Picasso and Braque. From a distance, Rojas, too, idealized them. “That was a perfect union, Barry and Margaret,” she says. “You couldn’t get more parallel than the feminine and the masculine communing together.”

As recognition of Kilgallen’s and McGee’s work grew, they tried to retain the ephemeral, pure quality of paintings made on the street. Little pieces they recycled or reworked, sold for a pittance, or let be stolen from the galleries. Wall paintings were whited out when shows closed. When Kilgallen became fascinated by hobo culture, she and McGee started travelling up and down the West Coast to tag train cars with their secret nicknames: B. Vernon, after one of McGee’s uncles, and Matokie Slaughter, a nineteen-forties banjo player Kilgallen revered. The cars marked “B.V. + M.S.” are still out there.

Rojas, too, had an alternate identity: Peggy Honeywell, a lonesome Loretta Lynn-like country singer who sang her heart out at open mikes around Philadelphia. Rojas is short and strong, half Peruvian, from Ohio, with nape-length dark hair and a smattering of freckles across her nose. As Peggy Honeywell, she wore a long wig and flouncy calico dresses, and sometimes, because she was shy, a paper bag over her head. Her boyfriend at the time, an artist named Andrew Jeffrey Wright, idolized McGee; he and his guy friends called McGee and his graffiti contemporaries the Big Kids. Smitten by Kilgallen’s work, Rojas started sending her and McGee cassette tapes of Peggy Honeywell, recorded with a four-track in her bedroom, and decorated with covers she had silk-screened.

The songs Rojas wrote were naïve and stripped down, just a guitar and her voice. “Can’t seem to paint good pictures / you want good pictures don’t listen to my words / But my paintings are pretty to look at / can’t find a rhythm of my own so I listen carefully to yours and probably will steal it.” Kilgallen, who was, like many of her subjects, a banjo player, loved homespun music. She and McGee started listening to the Peggy Honeywell tapes incessantly. “It was like a soundtrack for us,” McGee said. “Whenever we’d go on a drive, we’d play those tapes.” They began a correspondence with Rojas, encouraging her music and her painting, and Rojas sent more tapes.

It was more than a year before Kilgallen and Rojas met properly, in May, 2001, installing “East Meets West”—three West Coast artists and their East Coast counterparts—at the Institute of Contemporary Art in Philadelphia. For Rojas, the exhibition was a milestone: it was her first museum show and it placed her in a context with an artist that to some extent she’d been modelling herself on. “Clare was sort of in awe of Margaret—that’s how it all started,” Alex Baker, who curated the show, told me. Rojas, who was by then finishing her first year of graduate school, at the Art Institute of Chicago, had introduced him to Kilgallen’s work. Baker says that the admiration went both ways; Kilgallen was astounded by how psychologically complex and refined Rojas’s paintings were. “She said, ‘I could never make work like this! It’s beyond my abilities.’ ”

Kilgallen arrived in Philadelphia seven months pregnant and set about her usual installation process: attacking a blank wall that, in this case, was thirty-two feet tall. She insisted on working alone, using a hydraulic lift, which she pushed from spot to spot. When it was time to paint, she took the lift up, put a roller to the wall, and pressed the down button. In the early morning, after working all night, she rode a bicycle from the museum to Baker’s house, where she was staying. Her back hurt and her stomach was bothering her, but she refused offers of help. No one was to hover over her. At one point, she started sleeping in a surf shack she had made from recycled panels, part of her installation. Rojas was impressed, but she also disapproved. She told me, “There were some things about her that I was, like, ‘You are crazy, and I don’t like the way you’re acting, pregnant, at all. Where’s your husband? He should be here with you. And why are you smelling paint fumes?’ ”

One evening, in the gallery, Rojas saw Kilgallen run to the bathroom, crying. She followed her in. Kilgallen was scared. She kept touching the top of her belly and saying she could feel something hard, and it hurt. Rojas suggested that they call Kilgallen’s mother, but she strenuously refused. “She was really stubborn,” Rojas says. She persuaded her to call McGee, who was in Venice, getting ready for the Biennale, but they couldn’t reach him. Finally, Rojas called her own mother, who got Kilgallen to agree to go to the hospital. Baker took her the next day. At the hospital, she was given a sonogram, told to drink some Gatorade, and sent home. She declined the Gatorade—too artificial. Baker says, “Once the baby was confirmed as being healthy, she acted like everything was fine. Obviously, something else was going on, but she didn’t want to talk about it.”

Kilgallen’s secret was that she had recently had cancer; in the fall of 1999, immediately following the opening of her show at Deitch, she had gone home to San Francisco to have a mastectomy. She told almost no one. Her mother, Dena Kilgallen, took a month off work to come and help her while McGee installed a show in Houston. Margaret’s cancer was small, three millimetres, and it was caught early. She refused chemotherapy, a decision that Dena, herself a breast-cancer survivor, found maddening, if consistent with her daughter’s headstrong ways. But the surgeon didn’t disagree with Margaret; chemotherapy, she counselled, would probably decrease her risk of a recurrence within five years by just two to three per cent. Margaret started a course of Chinese herbal medicine instead.

Kilgallen had regular follow-up visits, and every time was given a clean bill of health. She got pregnant, and around the same time started a new sketchbook. She filled its pages with baby names: Piper, Mojave, Biancha, Clare. McGee says that they were happy and busy and didn’t think about the cancer, but the sketchbook betrays a creeping awareness of her illness. Always alert to language, Kilgallen began compiling ominous word lists: “smother,” “black out,” “keep dark,” “far away,” “underground,” “underneath.”

Two days before leaving for Philadelphia to work on her “East Meets West” installation, the most ambitious of her career, Kilgallen felt a tender lump below her diaphragm. At an appointment with a midwife, she promised to have it checked upon her return, a few weeks later. Like one of her heroines, she was determined to see her job through—the installation and the pregnancy. “Blind bargain,” she wrote in her sketchbook.

When Kilgallen got back to San Francisco, McGee was still in Europe, scheduled to return before the baby’s expected arrival, in late July. Alone, she learned that the cancer had metastasized to her liver; that tender, palpable mass was an organ seventy-five per cent overtaken by disease. Still, she held off telling her husband and her mother. When Kilgallen arrived at the hospital, she was jaundiced and extremely weak. “She was one of the sickest women I’ve ever met,” a nurse who examined her told me. “You looked in her eyes—she knew. But she flat out wasn’t going to talk about it.” Her only concern was for the pregnancy.

On June 7th, Kilgallen gave birth to a healthy baby, six weeks premature. She and McGee named her Asha, Sanskrit for “hope.” He arrived from Europe the next day, as Kilgallen was moved down to Oncology for aggressive chemotherapy. She stayed for two weeks, before being transferred to intensive care and, ultimately, to hospice, where she would open her eyes only to see Asha. “I’m going to get better,” she said, as her organs were failing. On June 26th, with her husband and her daughter at her side, she died.

(Read the rest here!) 


nate tyler surfer

Shocking: The reason Nate Tyler hates curry

Get ready for hard truths.

Nate Tyler is as fantastic as he his progressive. His surfing grows in beauty, year after year, in lock step with his good looks. He just released the prettiest film of the year (so far) and was featured on BeachGrit just last week.

And while his interview with Mr. Rielly was insightful (here!), there was one gem left out and that is the reason that he hates curry.

I must say, before we get to Nate,  I have never met anyone who hated curry. It is a staple from India to Thailand to Japan and very sought after in New York City. I am, in fact, in New York City right now and had a wonderful curry at a SoHo restaurant named Uncle Boons. Nate Tyler was not with me. Why? Because he hates curry. Why?

“The smell of curry reminds me of finger-painted boobs. My dad is a hippie and when I was young we would regularly travel to festivals and fairs in Oregon. There was everything that you’d expect from hippie fairs. Music, arts and crafts, expressions of free love and finger-painted boobs. Topless women would wander around with saggy boobs and swirls of paint, rushing and whirling toward unattractive nipples. And everyone was eating curry. I loathed the sight of those finger-painted boobs and now I loathe anything to do with curry.”

Oh. I would hate curry too.


Tourniquet Leash
"The Tourniquet Leash is the world’s only leash that is also a tourniquet. In the event of life threatening bleeding a surfer can rapidly apply a tourniquet to save their life or limb." 

Smart: This surf leash could save your life!

Shark hits pal? Now you can staunch the bleeding with special leg-rope… 

A few days ago, a real polite man called Carson Henderson (a former US marine who served in Afghanistan and Iraq according to his bio) emailed with details of his company’s leashes. Special, ’cause they also double as a tourniquet so when your pal gets hit by a shark you can wrap his stump in your cord and maybe save his life.

“Since there were two more shark attack yesterday it seems that a story about my veteran owned business would be good for all parties,” he wrote, referring to a hit in Florida and a hit in South Carolina.

‘Cause it was Friday and Friday afternoons are reserved for Campari and sodas, maybe gin if there’s cucumber in the house, and not the continuing indignity of work, I didn’t reply.

The next day a bodyboarder was hit five hours drive north of where I live.

“And now there’s this,” he wrote, including a link about the attack on 38-year-old bodyboarder Dale Carr at Port Macquarie. “This is why I am trying to get the word out about my surf leash and other water sports tourniquets.”

What can I say? Here’s a little Q and A he has on the press release he sent.

Why would I want a tourniquet in my leash?

Having a tourniquet integrated in your leash enables you to quickly mitigate extremity life threatening bleeding on yourself or others.

Why using the leash cord is bad?

  • Has no mechanical advantage for tightening.
  • Cannot be secured in place.
  • The narrow cord can cause additional tissue and nerve damage.

How quickly can a person bleed to death?

A person can bleed to death in as little as 3 minutes.

How long can a tourniquet be worn?

A tourniquet can be worn for roughly 3 hours, with 2 hours being the optimum time to not exceed. 

What is the likelihood of complications from using a tourniquet?

Tourniquets that have been properly applied and have been worn within the range of 1-3 hours have a low risk of complications.

If I use a tourniquet won’t I lose my arm or leg?

Not necessarily, if you do lose a limb it is likely that you would have lost the limb due to the trauma that caused the injury, and not because you applied a tourniquet. What the tourniquet does is ensure you won’t die from blood loss caused by the trauma.

I’m not an accessories kinda gal and I’m also pretty sure if a pal was hit I’d either faint or sprint for shore, so it’s not my scene, but maybe you like? Fifty bucks does seem a small price to pay.

Maybe if you live in Byron Bay, Reunion Island, South Africa, Western Australia etc, you might wanna sling for one.

Buy here! 


Craig Anderson Desert Point
This, as y'can see, is part of the reason What Youth is such a compelling and important stop on the ol internet carousel. The mag and movie house is tight with the most photogenic surfers in the world (see: Craig Anderson) and their staff photographer Nate Lawrence can turn a simple land angle on its head with his subtle, but interesting as hell, composition. | Photo: Nate Lawrence

Objective: The Seven Surf Websites that Matter!

Like, besides us! Wait, do we matter?

Was it really only a handful of years ago that we’d wait a month for the latest surf news? A surf contest would go down and it wouldn’t be until a journalist had written a story, the photographer had developed all his shots, the story had been submitted to a magazine and then edited, the photos had been scanned into a digital format, the magazine had been designed, printed and then distributed that we’d actually hear and see what had happened.

What a mockery of… everything!

Now, the good surf websites will have a photo gallery of the day’s action along with an analysis within a couple of hours. Shark attack? Yeah, the inside story is up. Someone loses their sponsor of 20 years? You’ll read about it in five different ways. There’s plenty of dross out there, however, so let’s point you in the direction of the sites that matter.

Most surprisingly edgy site: Matt Warshaw’s Encylopedia of Surfing isn’t what you’d expect, at least if you’re unfamiliar with Warshaw’s work. Sure, he’s a historian now, and that’s the genre of this one-stop shop of everything to do with surfing history, but the former editor of Surfer and pro surfer is the sport’s most underrated writer. Combine an ability to write with his enyclopediac knowledge of surfing (hence his current gig) and a fearlessness of opinion unheard of in modern surf writers and you have a site that entertains…and…informs.

(Try this!)

Most complete website: With its formidable arsenal of surf cams and surf forecasting team, the foundation upon which the site was built, Surfline is the one-stop shop. The overwhelming taste of vanilla can be a little disheartening (Hello dull!) as can its obvious sexual proclivities, but, if it happened, it’s on surfline.

The overwhelming taste of vanilla can be a little disheartening (Hello dull!) as can its obvious sexual proclivities, but, if it happened, it’s on surfline.

Best photography: Despite its lack of any breaking news, Surfing presents the bests online photo features in the biz, a result of it having too many staff shooters, and therefore having to disperse its myriad of brilliant imagery… somewhere. The flipbook here (click!) from this year’s Fiji event, is typical. Any other print magazine in the world would kill for what are supposedly Surfing’s outs.

Best original clips and most interesting photos: What Youth is part-owned by the filmmaker Kai Neville and counts the Indonesia-based photographer Nate Lawrence. So what do you expect when they follow and film some hot young thing for a week in their Fairly Normal series or, as is evidenced in the main photo here, follow Craig Anderson to Desert Point? You don’t wanna miss.

Best aggregator: Boardistan. From surf to snow to skate, Boardistan trawls the net and press releases from all the PR companies, provides a very readable synopsis of the event, with links to the original source.

Best architecture: Surfermag.com. The design of the site (and the magazine) is so simply perfect it’ll move an aesthete to the happiest of tears. It ain’t breaking ground in any other sense but… to look at… superb.

Most interesting insight into a surfer: Marinelayerproductions is the website of Dane Reynolds, the 28 year old from Ventura and, currently, Quiksilver’s most highly paid surfer.  What makes the site is it’s the musings and photography of Dane and not the work of a media minder. Like this, as he posted a collection of his outs from the movie Cluster.

“i emailed a friend of mine a link to ‘SAMPLER’ the other day to see what he thought and he texted me back that it was ‘pretty cool.’ i said ‘that doesn’t sound very enthusiastic.’ and he wrote back that it was ‘a little too b sidey for me.’ then the next day he sent a long winded explanation saying he just expected more. i wrote back ‘that text leaves me more confused than before, so your saying you were just disappointed? i don’t really care i like it… it’s b sides whatever i’m not gonna force people to watch it or pay for it so if they’re disappointed then fuck em’

man… expectations, what a stoke killer. every time you do something, the expectation is that whatever you do next has to be better. do you understand how unsustainable that is? the pressure caused by this principle has stressed me out, burned me out, i eventually cracked, hid out, dropped out, turned away… but then it get’s to a point where you’re just like ‘fuck it.’ that’s when i’ve done my best surfing. when there is a complete absence of consideration for what people expect.

so here’s SAMPLER, which is a collection of surfing i’ve done the past year that didn’t make it into ‘cluster.’ so yeah, it is ‘b sidey’ but that is not a disclaimer, i’m proud of it. every moment can’t be your best, the waves aren’t always perfect, the more you expect the more your disappointed, do what you can with what you’ve got, surfing’s an art, there’s no winner and no loser, no right or wrong way to do it, there’s a big difference between saying ‘fuck it’ and genuinely feeling it, and as much as i wish it did, writing it on my boards doesn’t really make me feel it, and i have to say that for the most part, while filming the past year, i was aware that i was one of the oldest guys in the movie with a reputation to defend, and that is not the right frame of mind to surf your best. or feel your best, or be yourself… but seriously… fuck it, forget what your sponsors expect, what viewers expect, expect nothing, do your best, clear your mind, be present, turn off, tune out, drop in.

or as ethan fowler says it ‘do what you want, do it well, or, if you don’t want to do it well, don’t do it well, just do it how you do it, and that shit shines through a thousand times brighter’”

 


Jack Black Orange County
Jack Black in Orange County, a movie the reviewer Roger Ebert describes thus: "Orange County" has the form of a teenage movie, the spirit of an independent comedy, and the subversive zeal of Jack Black, whose grin is the least reassuring since Jack Nicholson. It's one of those movies like "Ghost World" and "Legally Blonde" where the description can't do justice to the experience. It will sound like the kind of movie that, if you are over 17, you don't usually go to see. But it isn't."

Laughs: Five Classic Hollywood Surf Films!

Quirky, funny, even…subversive!

There’s not a whole lot going on in the surf world today, but I’ve gotta do my daily deal, so I’m just gonna toss a lay-up and write about surf movies. But I’m not going to go on about Point Break or North Shore or Zalman King’s tour de force, In God’s Hands. Those have been covered, we’ve all seen them, and they have their redeeming features.

Instead, here’s some other stuff.

Back to the Beach

This movie does it right, in the same way North Shore did. It’s utterly ridiculous, fun to watch, and doesn’t attempt to moralize. And so does a pretty good job of actually capturing the essence of surfing. Plus, it features some of the best surf CGI ever employed in film making, a kick-ass musical number, and Lori Loughlin, who was an amazing piece of ass back in the eighties.

Surf School

So much effort goes into making a movie, it always blows my mind when the result is a nonsensical abortion. But this movie has Harland Williams, whom I think is hilarious, and features my favorite trope of all time, when the ugly nerd girl turns out to be hot and also the best surfer in the world. Plus, for some reason, she dresses like a geisha the entire movie, which really works for the secret weeaboo living inside me.

The Perfect Wave

Starring Scott Eastwood, The Perfect Wave is another film that tries to shoehorn Jesus into surfing. It’s based on the “true” story of Ian McCormack, some dude who claims to have seen god after being stung by a jellyfish, then spun that experience into a successful career swindling trusting morons.

Dawn Patrol

Another surf film featuring Clint Eastwood’s less talented son, Dawn Patrol is a tale of racism and rape and revenge and guilt and terrible acting and even worse writing. It’s one redeeming feature is a lack of phony baloney Christian posturing.

Orange County

A pretty damn funny movie, Jack Black’s performance is especially hilarious. But instead of going into that, I’d like to talk about how this movie made for my brief brush with Hollywood.

One day, while I was in college, I heard that they were holding an open casting call a few blocks away from where I lived. They wanted surfer types, I am one of those, and I really didn’t have anything more important to do.

So I got drunk, very drunk, and showed up to toss my hat in the ring.

Being in a room full of wannabe actors trying to look like surfers is pretty funny. Un-ironic aloha shirts, strappy sandals, and those terrible trunks with a mesh liner filled the room. We were all handed lines and set to waiting in a weird little office in Marina Del Rey.

I’d brought a couple tall boys with me so I whiled away the time trying to suck them down before they got warm and fucking with the guys around me who were trying to “learn their lines.” Serious stuff for them, make or break dream time. Not so much for me.

My audition approach consisted of drunkenly screaming my lines at the casting lady, making fun of the actor nerds in the other room, then vomiting in a trash can on my way out of the building. Some straight Daniel Day-Lewis type method actor shit. Always in character. Always!

A few weeks later I actually got a call back. They asked for my agent’s fax number, I gave them the one at the Italian restaurant where I was employed as an especially surly waiter and I was on my way to stardom!

But it wasn’t to be.

Apparently, smoking a huge joint in your car, strolling in red-eyed and reeking of weed, then spending twenty minutes making fun of the script, isn’t the best way to land an acting gig. Who knew?