The worst ever invention?
I am still in Cabo and every day is like
paradise. Margaritas chased by 86 degree nugget waves chased
by more margaritas. My hair is so blonde and my skin is so brown
and my smile is so wide. But there is one problem. I have a
surfboard here, a gorgeous little Mayhem number dropped off a few
years ago, but I can’t currently get it (complicated) and, thus, am
forced to ride a rented SurfTech.
When was the last time you paddled one of those out? Mine is a
6’3 Merrick Biscut and it is absolutely hideous. The other day I
rode a twinnie something rather else and today I also rode a 5’10
Robert August thing and they were absolutely hideous too. Because
they were all SurfTech.
And riding SurfTech is not actual surfing I have come to
realize. The boards, so plastic-y stiff, don’t respond at all. The
best one can hope for is a general slide down the line. Putting it
on a rail? Milking a section? Finding the sweet spot? Forget it
all! SurfTechs are “like having sex with your pants on” a wonderful
friend told me and is he ever right.
I remember the controversy, back in the day, about boards being
rolled off assembly lines in Thailand, or wherever, and the shapers
getting angry because no soul maybe or something and I remember
being not interested. I didn’t have one and wasn’t going to get
one.
Now I am interested. Because they are absolutely hideous! When
water slaps their bottoms they make some weirdly annoying pinny
sound and when you paddle for a wave they hold in the lip and when
you finally build speed in an open section there is no slowing them
down to keep pace with the wave.
Riding SurfTech is not actually surfing. It should be
called water tabling. And water tabling on a SurfTech is sort of
fun. It involves running over dry reef, people and other SurfTechs.
It involves letting children throw rocks at them and smiling
wide.