Come giggle at the "King of Instagram!"
I used to very much enjoy watching celebrities surf wrong. Wax the underside of board, put wetsuit on backward, put fins in backward etc. etc. “They so dumb!” I’d giggle, but the thrill dissipated over time. Surfing is, at its core, a set of byzantine bylaws always shifting, always moving slightly as if built upon sand. And so I’d forgive the celebrity his foibles as I forgave those learning on the beach and even, sometimes, my own (I didn’t start waxing my tailpad until this month! So late to the game!)
But now there is a new batch of celebrities to mock! Social media ones! These are, generally, shallow/misogynistic/pointless enough to mercilessly bash without a moral hangover. Take, for example, Dan Bilzerian. He is a trust funder who played poker, I think, then made a name for himself on Instagram, taking pictures of many women and himself being rad and cool and flying on private jets and looking at stuff. He, in fact, calls himself King of Instagram and just might be with over 15.3m followers. He wants to be an actor, loaning the movie Lone Survivor one million bucks, apparently, for eight minutes of screen time. He got less than one minute and sued.
In any case, guess what else? He is a kook! Three days ago he posted a photo of himself (he is always in the photo) gazing out at the Pacific, Al Merrick under arm waxed all the way to the nose. The caption read “Good gettin back in the water today w the gambling surf guru @ricksalomon
(Remember Rick S? He was one half of Paris Hilton sex tape!)
And his board was waxed all the way to the nose! I was sent the photo by a very good friend and laughed and laughed at his idiocy without even a twinge of conscience and mocked and posted to Instagram. The wonderful @kook_of_the_day also posted with the funniest of hashtags including #royalflushtheyeastoutofthatsuit
I have been laughing now for one hour and feel better and better and better with each chuckle. Thanks for being a kook, Dan Bilzerian!
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It looks heavy out there
Has anyone stopped to consider that maybe he just learned to surf from Alejo?
i want to know more about the concave deck
Remember when this SUPER-DOUCHE threw some porn star off of a roof into a pool and later got sued by said porn star>+?!??! Fuck Bilzerian!
I think he’s at Sunset (not Santa Monica State Beach, like his post says), which is a breeding ground for kooks…. and assholes, douchebags, etc. Sorry if that’s too obvious.
It spilt wax on the nose when it was waxing its dreamboat arms
The correct way to wax a high performance short board is to have a strip above the tail pad (for tube riding) then have a tight circle for the front foot
Thats the shit! Dont forget to waxcomb your fresh wax job too
what the fuck is up with these guys who just wax a circle where their front foot goes? Not planning to move your feet at all? The ultimate crab stance kookery.
He’s so far in the closet he’s in Narnia.
Wax to the nose is acceptable if your Mason or John John and you actually utilize the whole board.
No need for the Brazilian wax job when you can get a Bilzerian.
Once at a friends house in Nashville, (not a celeb but he does make high profile music vids) said friend got amped to show me his surfboard…
Lance burkhardt tiger stripes, a backwards tail pad about a foot up the deck and a roach motel looking air freshener glued on in the middle of the deck. One of the most glorious displays of kookery I’ve ever seen.
what a thing to behold.
Met a guy once from New Jersey who talked my ear off about surfing, and claimed local hero status back home (we were both living in Tahoe at the time.) Eventually he breaks out his board to show me and the motherfucking tail pad is a solid 10 inches up from the end of the board. Suffice to say I laughed the whole snowy walk home. The ultimate kook indicator.
Classic. Same buddy moved to LA a few years ago, surfed once then called it. Hasn’t surfed since! Great guy though.
It’s waxed to the nose because he heard that’s what double john does.
Theres no chance this kook can even paddle his 5’9 CI….let be real….. he waxes to the nose so he can grip his hands when hes flailing all over the place trying to attempt to stand up
Man… oh man it’s getting worse…
https://www.facebook.com/da…
A whole article picking apart the way he waxed his board.. Wow.. I think we’ve reached a new low.
Maybe but I feel there is still further we can slide!
lets talk about mall grabbing
‘Grab-and-go shoplifting’ is my preferred definition of the term, though removed from the skate context.
The only good that has come from Dan, is people taking the piss on his FB page… hilarious!
Talking about kooks
http://video.vogue.com/watc…
Shark kick is a probably good exercise for NorCal.
Not to mention, there’s an interesting lack of wax like 2 inches from the rails.
But does he have the duckdive handhold rail wax? Such an egregious admission to sucking…
So, I guess he’s less of a kook than I, considering I wax practically to the start of the concave on the bottom of the board.
No no no dear Audit. You are fine, I think. There is no way Dan could be duck diving that board from mid/south. Though he does appear to weigh 250 lbs and be 5 feet tall….
waxing to the nose is in Chas, you have fallen behind yet again
Yup. Like Julian, Gabby and John John, this dude needs all the traction he can get when landing massive rotations.
The minute I see Mr. Bilzarian rote, fully, is when I apologize.
I’d imagine you’ll get to save that apology for more worthy recipients.
Is this the real Mike Ciaramella? What happened to you kid? Last edit I saw was in CA. Probably should have stayed in NJ and taught lessons at heritage…I know that surf career has gone nowhere but this comment section
damn
Why stay there in the cold when I can spread my mediocrity across the Golden state! As far as a surf career, I’m currently doing some writing for Surfing Mag, which is significantly less wet yet much more rewarding than surf lessons. Do I get the pleasure of knowing your true identity, or do you only criticize anonymously?
Paradox of being an aspiring or low-level pro: if you had never competed, copped product, or posted edits, all the haters would talk you up as an underground ripper who was humble and cool as fuck. As in, “my homie bangs nails, chains cigs, and rips.” Hope that you’re making it work and chucking buckets, hype and ambition be damned. Eking out a living and surfing on the regs is success in my book. But then again, my family drives trucks.
well mikey definitely ripped and still does i assume from what I’ve last seen. as far as humble/cool didn’t know him well enough to say yay or nay. Just saw him blast a few airs as a grom in the garbage state sewage waters
Lemmy Kilmister is the name.
Apparently Legends Never Die, Lem. RIP
Wait, the other celebs forgot to tell him to get a JS? Did he just cruise the celebrity import lot in a Lexus?