Watch: Sirens of Kauai!

Watch girls in bikinis be shore pounded! Story includes dubious link to Greek classics.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve read any Greek mythology. At least since I was forced to in a scholarly setting, which was, again, a long time ago.

I remember the sirens, though.

Super hot ladies, singing beautiful songs and luring dumb-dumb sailors to their deaths. I think they were inspired by seals. Addled horn-dog sailors saw a bunch of ocean dogs flopping around yelling, “Arf! Arf! Arf!” and all they could think was, “Man, I can’t wait to dip my dick in that.”

I may be confusing sirens with mermaids.

Instead of pinnipeds we’ve got lithe tanned young ladies in teensy weensy bikinis flopping around in huge surging shorepound, some obnoxious safety minded filmer fills in for Orpheus’s lute, and the sailors are replaced by pasty skin tourists who lack the sense to stay far far far away from the shoreline.

 

Hows about an updated version?

Instead of pinnipeds we’ve got lithe tanned young ladies in teensy weensy bikinis flopping around in huge surging shorepound, some obnoxious safety minded filmer fills in for Orpheus’s lute, and the sailors are replaced by pasty skin tourists who lack the sense to stay far far far away from the shoreline.

Maybe not quite as dumb as wanting to fuck a seal, but close enough for government work.