Parker: “I love being a man!”

Tall, strong. Got a great dick. Best dick ever, really.

I try to live by the rule: it’s okay to look, not leer.

I’m a virile male, skew pretty straight on the Kinsey scale. I mean, I am a total degenerate, so if something flops into my lap I’ll react on a case by case basis. Sure, there’s dicks out there I’d suck. But I’m not trolling local restrooms looking for ’em.

But women… Lovely, soft skin, heavenly smelling women. Love ’em all. Fat ones, skinny ones, short ones, tall ones. Especially the tall ones. And the fat ones. And the other two. All of them, really.

But I suspect I also hate them.

A little bit.

In that deep dark place where I hide my true self. It gets weird in there. I try to be unrepentantly myself but there are a few monsters that’ve gotta be kept under lock and key. I suspect we’re all like that. Maybe I’m projecting. More than a few things I thought were normal turned out, “No one else thinks that, Rory!”

I only just recently realized it. Came about because transphobia’s so hot right now. “Of course it’s okay. You don’t get to choose who you are. And, anyway, who the fuck would want to be a woman?”

The moment it came out of my mouth, uh oh.

That’s, like, maybe not a great thing to feel. But I love being a man. Tall, strong. Got a great dick. Best dick ever, really. Pretty damn good looking, though my ears are slightly off kilter since my last surgery and no one else notices but I have just enough vanity that it’s fucking killing me. Makes my sunglasses sit slightly askew as well.

Given actual thought to cosmetic surgery. Wouldn’t be the first time. A commenter made a crack about me and Christie Brinkley, something about how she’d had cosmetic surgery and I hadn’t. Jokes on him, I caught a fin to the face back in high school and used a plastic surgeon to keep me pretty.

The point being, I think I might hate women a little bit. Which I need to work on. But knowing’s half the battle.

However! I have nothing but admiration for athletes. I understand the struggle, the effort, the total commitment it takes to build your skill to the top level. There’s sacrifice and hardship and doubt and it’s a never ending nightmare. To look at the best in the world and say, “I can do better.” Fucking amazing.

So it bothers me to see top-tier female athletes marketed almost solely on their sexuality. Yeah, they’re gorgeous. But show me that gorgeous woman doing something she’s worked her entire life to achieve. Don’t just sell me a close up of her amazing ass. I might like it, but I don’t appreciate it.

Of course, it’s her body. She can do what she wants with it. Nothing wrong or shameful with taking pride in your form. But if she’s not into it and is just going along because that’s how you play the game? Then I’d like to see the rules change.

It’s something I’d really like to write about, that relationship between our top females’ sexuality and their marketability. Are they into it? Are they pressured? Is it all part of a plan?

But it’d be hard. Probably not good. Because I’m a guy and I like being a guy and I think I might hate women a little bit and in the end there’s just no way I can really relate.

So I’ve just gotta keep hoping some lady tackles the matter.

But you know what I can write about? An amazingly shot and edited video featuring some of the sexiest damn women I’ve ever seen. Are they being objectified? Absolutely! But they’re models, it’s what they do. Literally what they signed up for. Male, female, whatever. Nothing wrong here.

Very racy. Absolutely titillating. Made my day. Showed it to my wife, asked, “Why don’t you look like this anymore?”

“Fuck you, Rory. You never looked that good.”