It turns us into hustlers, liars, unreliable employees and even worse life partners…
I say, of all the exquisite pleasures that have flooded my body, nothing has come close to riding a wave tank on a moonlit night in the North Atlantic, with a handful of pals. The eerie warmth, the surprising power, the way the wave faded into darkness, board invisible beneath my feet, my heart beating like a hummingbird.
Why the contempt? Why the burning passion…against?
Let’s ask!
BeachGrit: Have you ever surfed a pool? Would you like to ride a pool? I’ve ridden a couple, a shitty one (Malaysia) and a pretty good one (Canary Islands) and, boy, does cynicism wash away real fast.
Warshaw: I was poolside at the Allentown debacle in 1985, but did not surf it. But that wave was shit. Totally different deal from Slater’s pool, or even Wavegarden.
You write, take away the wave and we’re just… parkour. Is that all, essentially, surfing is?
Surfing in a wavepool is… take your pick. Parkour, half-pipe, gymnastics. Except worse, because those sports will never be any better or worse than what they are, while surfing in a wavepool you’re kind of sticking your finger in the eye of the whole deal. And no single pool, or single session, is going to ruin surfing. But the years will pass, and the pools will pop up across the land, and if we live long enough, Derek, the sport to some degree will be shaped by, will shape itself around, wavepools. And so yeah, that makes us parkour.
Scarcity made our sport. Lack of good surf makes surfing really difficult, for starters, which is great, and then it turns us all into hustlers and liars and travelers and autodidacts unreliable employees and even worse life partners, and that shit put together is really all we have going for us in terms of surf culture and personality.
Kelly’s pool will lead surfing to an existential crisis, you say. Are pools really the end of the world? And what does this dystopia look like?
Endless Summer was about Bruce Brown and his buddies getting bummed out about how crowded Malibu was, so they went around the world looking for surf. That’s what we do. Even if you’re just paddling down the beach to try another peak. Scarcity made our sport. Lack of good surf makes surfing really difficult, for starters, which is great, and then it turns us all into hustlers and liars and travelers and autodidacts unreliable employees and even worse life partners, and that shit put together is really all we have going for us in terms of surf culture and personality.
Is there a part of you that believes, maybe knows, that pools will become the kink for a few years then… fade away, like old amusement parks? That in ten, twenty years, they’ll be cracked concrete shells, drained of water, grand failures?
Tow surfing was all the rage 20 years ago, and now its lame and yesterday, so I don’t know, maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not giving surfers enough credit. But where my own personal existential crisis with Kelly’s pool kicks in, is the fact that I want to ride it so badly. Maybe just once or twice now, but the 15-year-old me would have been in the pool until the lifeguard dragged me out.
Is there an optimistic bone in your gorgeous body that thinks, the ocean will empty, that pools might… improve… surf for souls who still brave the ocean?
That is the wonderful best-case scenario. I hope to live long enough to find out.
Have yet to see an article comparing wave pools to the start and growth of the indoor climbing industry and how it’s effected climbing culture and progression.
But here are my short notes, since I’m not a writer. Surfing performance is going to raise exponentially, if you think otherwise you’re an idiot. Participation in surfing will raise. Participantion in the ocean will raise but nowhere close to numbers of artificial wave only riders.
So easy to spin and wax the hate, the potential end of times scenarios……Until the king invites you. Then your smoking cigars and swilling Purps with the fat cats and that’s all you really want Matt, the golden ticket……Can’t blame you. I want it too and my arm back, of course.
So he is just being a little jelly cunt. Get over it warshaw, you will not live long enough to surf it. There is nothing worse than a whining little nostalgic grown man.
The bottom line is… when the surf is flat and you need to surf, #whoyougonnacall ?
I don’t mean any offense here although it will surely cause it but they’ve had swimming pools for years. Not too many of the fuckers will be swimming at the Olympics.
I reckon it is they are all generally explosive athletes – so not suited to swimming unless trained to – no desire as no coin in swimming largely is there as opposed to Bball football etc
Also a question of the social dynamic as well… if you can ball you are the man. Nobody in the prototypical black community is impressed that you can “swim good”
which is why Ethiopian athletes excel at non-explosive sports like long distance running?
Yeah? I’ve seen guys riding little fat ones in tiny waves and got a bit jealous too.
Why are you being so hard on parkour Matt? I love to run my fat arse down the dunes and judo kick and roll over wire fences when I think no one is watching. It keeps me limber and maintains my reputation as an overly aggressive psychopath to my niece. Now for something relevant to the article…. hmmm….. I don’t know…… you know how when you look out and see Winki pumping but crowded and you drive off to a lesser known spot and surf a shittier wave. I think that is the future of wave pools. First of all, there won’t be enough wave pools to make them as popular as everyone is imagining. Second of all, if you rocked up and saw 500 people ranging from kooks surfing in burqas to Kolohe Andino wearing a white wetsuit surfing the local wave pool I reckon you would fuck off in search of a beach. Therefore, wave pools are like indoor ski ramps in the UK. Fucking bizarre, but they’re (probably) great practice and they look fun.
In 1985, I caught a plane from Sydney to New York JFK airport, a bus to grand central station, then a bus to Allentown wavepool with a 3 board fixed fin quiver. It was a horrible wave, but it was an event on the world tour and a punter such as I, had to go to try get some points. The following week I was surfing 8 foot freezing cold Crayfish factory in Capetown with Simon Anderson and that felt real.
In 2013, I spent a long hot afternoon searching though a mountain of surf magazines trying to find a sequence of you doing a crazy (but semi accidental?} backhand floater in contest. It was a thirsty job with many, many distractions to be found within the pages. But I was trying to prove a point online, to a complete stranger who I had been arguing about something I cant really remember for far to long. The following day I didn’t surf 8ft waves with Simon Anderson, I was hungover and pissed at myself for wasting an afternoon especially considering I came up empty handed in regards to the sequence. That hollow empty feeling felt real and lingers to this day.
Who dat Nega?
I cant be naming people, That would be an abuse of the Moderators code of ethics. Can only be one of 16…
I should’ve known a robot would be a square and die by his handbook. I’ll get to the bottom of this.
My research has turned up this article http://www.surfermag.com/fe… which proves that the World Tour is actually better these days. Imagine how baked you would have to get to tune in to the webcast to watch Tom Carroll catching boat wake in Florida!
I’m thinking Glen Winton. I can almost get a mental image of him attempting an insane floater at Pipe or somewhere.
Oops, backside, so not Pipe lefts.
Nope, sorry. It’s Rob Bain. Yeah, BBBBain.
Was Glen Mr X? Loved his pingas.
in 1996 or something I dragged a kiwi chick out of the Bells pub and spent the night rogering her in the moonlight at the judging tower at Winki, where I had a makeshift camp set up, then went surfing in the moonlight.
my heart was beating like a hummingbird too.
Dad! Is that really you?
I can’t see them having much effect. I’m impressed by the imagination of many at the moment, but leagues of pool practiced perfectionists won’t exist or impact on the reality of what we do. Ever witnessed an Indonesian ripper reared on ruler edged rights surf a big bowly beachy? Every now and then they get a sick one but spend half their day underwater.
I think there is one certainty about the advent of wave pools, and that is that there will be unforeseen consequences.
Your comment left me wondering what the opposite of an oracle is?
The black mirror
A fucken non-oracle of course. Jesus!
Oh Nickel Arse you wily bastard! When are you going to have a crack on a wave pool?
ASL board bible 2017 with a strong Firewire selection… He’s a notorious industry stooge.
He nearly made me buy a Stretch. PS how dare you up vote his “non-oracle” response. I just dismissed it. I think there is only one certainty about a response of Nick Carroll, and that is it will be shit.
a Stretch shaped by Cory…
True.
Come on, that board was fucken sick.
Which one was that again Nick?
What was it? Mr Buzz! see here under Rhino Callinan’s feet
Thanks mate. Looks sick.
When God rains down a great pestilence upon the Earth, that’s when.
A historian.
Noice work Rorza.
Unforeseen consequences? it’s Tony fucking Soprano…
nah, they’ll go the way of all the existing wavepools. Cost vs Revenue will make them unprofitable.