Kelly Slater and the burden of being!

Isn't being hypocritical what makes us human?

We all live our lives by various woven together standards, be they religious, philosophical, metaphysical, conservative, libertine.

Me? I’m as Christian as Beth Hamilton. More heavily Calvinistic less evangelical but these differences are merely academic. I wander far from the path, egregiously, but that’s what makes being human very fun.

Hypocrisy!

Kelly Slater, fourteen time World Champ, is also not shy about broadcasting much of his belief structure. Pro healthy foods, clean living, yoga with various touches of conspiracy thrown in for flavor.

One of his primary stances is environmentalism. He loves Mother Earth very much and is not shy about lending a hand, or his name, to different planet first causes.

OuterKnown, his clothing label, makes a specific point of producing in a sustainable way. Buzzy but very admirable. He says:

I created Outerknown to smash the formula. To lift the lid on the traditional supply chain and prove that you can actually produce great looking menswear in a sustainable way…the last two years have been a huge eye-opener for me. It’s clear now just how challenging it is for any brand to put sustainability at the forefront of their business and I’m proud that we’re one of the few taking the lead.

Manufacturing creates massive waste and pollution and so to cut, where possible, helps but do you know what pollutes more grossly?

Air travel!

Nothing befouls like airplanes. They pump more CO2 into the air than almost anything. The New York Times called air travel our “biggest carbon sin” and FiveThirtyEight.com added, “Every time you fly you trash the planet.”

And so you can imagine Kelly Slater’s dilemma as he flew around the world in a private jet belonging to OuterKnown’s parent company Kering to check on his OK supply chain.

Flying private is far worse than flying commercial as it adds an almost unnecessary layer of pollutants on top of already critical levels. The Wall Street Journal reported that a passenger flying private contributes five times as much carbon-dioxide as a passenger flying commercial.

A friend of a friend of a friend of a friend was on this private jet with Kelly and said that he could not stop wringing his hands, fully aware of his gross duplicity. He told his friend who told a friend who told a friend who told me that Kelly spent all of his time trying to come to terms with what he was doing.

His wave pool, also, is a complete and utter ecological nightmare. The amount of power it takes to run that thing, no matter how it is sold to the public, is massive and serious. Rory Parker did a wonderful job of pointing out the inherent falsehoods in the fact that it is advertised as being 100% solar powered.

Still, I would like to ease Kelly’s emotional burden. It is so much better to have ideals and break them into a million little pieces then to be hopelessly pessimistic and droll. He should stop worrying about his casuistry and celebrate being all too human at least for a few moments in elevated life.

Don’t you think?

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flashorton
flashorton
10 years ago

Promoting sustainability, healthy living etc and then flying in a jet-fuelled plane is not hypocrisy. It’s not as if Tesla are making planes (yet). Ok, a private jet is hypocrisy, a bit. But maybe he wrung his hands then put them into his pocket for some carbon offsetting? Add a little CO2, take away a little CO2? It’s not perfect, but it’s the best option we’ve got in a very imperfect system.

velobwoy
velobwoy
10 years ago

Nick Dee is back!

Limbless Jack
Limbless Jack
10 years ago

Forgot to tear apart his newly bought firewire and how he wanted sustainable and yet he didn’t even make his boards out of the timbertek…Also how sustainable is timbertek??

wincy
wincy
10 years ago

errrr

TrunkBayMassive
TrunkBayMassive
10 years ago

So, my little clique of bitter cunts, what’s to do? Kelly has opinions. He also has fame and riches thanks to unrivaled surf skills and his smooth handling of the chances they offered. Andy had fame and look at him. He died. Kelly didn’t. He grew. You say he shouldn’t have these opinions. Poor rich man, caught between destiny and the stuff he knows. You folk want him to … what? Shut up and live in that cave? Invest in shit and only shit because shit’s all he’s qualified to promote, due to his pile of gold? Ingest excess opiates and become your hero? Invest in an organic farm and shut tf up forever? Give the guy a break. Were you so blessed, what would you do? And please quit righteously denouncing any and all forms of ecological concern. You cunts need planet Earth as much as Kelly does and blaming him for being confused aint helping, either.

Braddy Depplach
Braddy Depplach
10 years ago

Dude needs to get his Ki in order

funky Gibbon
funky Gibbon
10 years ago

It looks like its going to be using the energy to create a chemical reaction that stores it, then when you want to use the energy the reverse chemical reaction releases it. There is also a problem where eco energy can cause overloading of the grid in extreme windy/sunny conditions which is why you see wind turbines etc turned off.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
10 years ago
Reply to  funky Gibbon

If every man on Earth was able to harness the energy of his daily masturbation routine it would replace the need for mice on wheels or nuclear power stations.

funky Gibbon
funky Gibbon
10 years ago

It would be like the scene out of the Matrix when he wakes up in the battery field but with a load of pasty dudes slowing sadly wanking.

Seaman Staines
Seaman Staines
10 years ago
Reply to  funky Gibbon

Don’t tanned people jerk the gherkin?

funky Gibbon
funky Gibbon
10 years ago

I like to think of the environmental upsides of having a wave pool is like the upside of wet n wild opening in Sydney… All the packs of westies stopped coming to Bondi and leaving a monumental amount of shit on the beach hence offsetting the energy used to run the place.

funky Gibbon
funky Gibbon
10 years ago

Transferring energy that far is extremely inefficient. It’s the problem they have with solar power, they don’t have a way of storing the energy so it can be used when it’s needed. Unless the wave or solar energy is next to the city or town using it it’s pretty much a waste. I could geek on a little further but won’t.

m0rt
m0rt
10 years ago
Reply to  funky Gibbon

What about using garbage? They used it to power the flux capacitor…..Fuck that movie and it’s broken promises

funky Gibbon
funky Gibbon
10 years ago
Reply to  m0rt

That’s about as environmental friendly as a surfboard made ivory and uranium. I never liked that movie, the professor always seemed like he’d be hiding the wrong kind of images on his computer.

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
10 years ago
Reply to  m0rt

Imagine if we could harness the bitterness and cynicism of BG commentators and use it for good instead of evil?

longtom
longtom
10 years ago

hahahaha

BuySellShred
BuySellShred
10 years ago

Jesus is Kelly…Kelly is Jesus.

Noncompetitor
Noncompetitor
10 years ago
Reply to  BuySellShred

Wait I think that photo is doctored

BuySellShred
BuySellShred
10 years ago
Reply to  Noncompetitor

No falsehoods here friends…

wincy
wincy
10 years ago
Reply to  Noncompetitor

it’s the backlighting that gives it away

Invasive Species
Invasive Species
10 years ago

Fuck I hate this sort of all-or-nothing argument, so because he gives a shit about the environment he’s required to live in a cave and forgo any sort of carbon production? I like plants and animals better than probably 95% of you kooks reading this, but unless I’m living like a Bangladeshi I’m not allowed to have that opinion?

It would be one thing if he said “airplanes are ruining the environment, people shouldn’t use them” then kept jetting everywhere in his private Cessna. But he didn’t. All he did was start an overpriced menswear company that actually does appear to produce products with less environmental impact.

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
10 years ago

Just because he says he cares about the environment doesn’t mean much. I care about the destruction of the Brazilian rainforest, but I’m doing nothing about it, hell I might be inadvertently hastening it. Let’s face it, he does more environmental damage “than probably 95% of you kooks reading this”

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
10 years ago

I care about the destruction of Brazil more than probably 95% of you kooks reading this but I’ve done fuck all about it.

Invasive Species
Invasive Species
10 years ago

Yeah I would probably agree, I just have never seen him be much of an environmental “preacher” as some have said. Just because he created a company that appears to produce environmentally-friendly clothes for Malibu wannabes, everyone jumps all over his personal carbon footprint (as atrocious as it likely is). Maybe it’s just leftover hate from the Outerknown price tag scandal.

I guess it’s like Patagonia, personally I applaud the company for a lot of the work it does to make products more sustainable, even if so many customers are some of the biggest poseurs you’ll ever meet, and I never buy any of the gear myself.

Torochan Williams
Torochan Williams
10 years ago

95% of us kooks make up 95% of the kooks that do fuck all about it. That other 5%? They work for OK.

Trogan Fan
Trogan Fan
10 years ago

Isn’t Kelly a chem trail believer? Hmm.

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago

per capita, they can’t touch American pollution. we do most of the world’s coke too,

Invasive Species
Invasive Species
10 years ago
Reply to  bitter guy

Plus China produces all the shit we buy and use, so really those are our emissions and pollution as well

funky Gibbon
funky Gibbon
10 years ago
Reply to  bitter guy

Plus the American economy is held up by oil so if everyone went green it would be totally fucked.

longtom
longtom
10 years ago

hypocrisy is the greatest luxury

slater thenewdonkey
slater thenewdonkey
10 years ago

I work for a solar company. Started out on the one of the roof-install crews making 10 bucks an hour (with a legit college degree) for the first 3 months, then 12 an hour for the rest of the year to get to where i am now designing the fuckers, and i can tell you straight up that those solar panels he has are not doing shit for that wave. Maybe running his houses at night, the garages too, but as far as the wave, unless he has over 250 panels (which i doubt), his solar claim is horseshit. Hell, even with 250 he couldn’t even power that whole thing.

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago

he’d need an array the size of a couple football fields to make one wave an hour. its simple math. bet he won’t tell ya how many amps those motors draw but pushing a heavy plow through a couple hundred yards of standard density water still takes tremendous force. his invention helps landlocked would-be surfers, not the environment. he should change the motto to: rich as possible while still able to hold onto the Whole Foods shoppers (“environmentalists”)

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
10 years ago

“To be or not to be” eh? I don’t see what’s wrong with occasionally being sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought. Surely agonized internal torment is part of the fun!

J H
J H
10 years ago

This whole “it’s okay for me but not for thee” thing is very tiring.

Did we not see the OK video of Kelly and Shane (the newly minted BeachGrit contributor) flitting around the South Pacific in a small airliner carrying just the two of them?

So clearly that didn’t bother him so I wonder why this did?

Again…I don’t care if he flies private…if I could you bet your ass that I would. In fact, being in the aviation business, I think it’s great, Makes it more accessible for the punters like me!

Maybe Kelly should be less preachy and more surfy but if he wants to get preachy I recommend the store front churches on Francis Lewis Boulevard in Queens. They’ve got the preaching shit down pat.

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
10 years ago

If you can’t walk the walk, don’t talk the talk! Honestly, flying all over the world chasing swells and then claiming to be an environmentalist! If us surfers weren’t so stupid you could say he was insulting our intelligence!

david fffff
david fffff
10 years ago

It might be cliche but the only lid Kelly blew off with OK was my cock-sucking checkings account. I legit am the person who doesn’t look at a price tag, goes to pay, sees the beanie is $100 and tries to play it cool like I knew all along because the counter girl is a soft 7 and I haven’t had a root in months.

Lemmy
Lemmy
10 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

where do you find OK stuff at retail?

david fffff
david fffff
10 years ago
Reply to  Lemmy

I don’t think you do? It was more an example of being an irrational person in a public setting. No one here can honestly say they haven’t awkwardly bought overpriced stuff with instant buyers remorse attached simply because of a small moment of social anxiety! …Right…?

J H
J H
10 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

Does the same thing apply to marriage?

Lemmy
Lemmy
10 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

i have a backbone so not really

david fffff
david fffff
10 years ago
Reply to  Lemmy

Sounds like your backbone takes up the space usually reserved for the sense of humor

Wiggolly's Paddling Style
Wiggolly's Paddling Style
10 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

I gave a girl a back bone this morning.

david fffff
david fffff
10 years ago

NOICE

flashorton
flashorton
10 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

Last week I paid €35 for a pair of Crocs for my kid because my wife a) told me to b) misread the price tag. Double buyer remorse with a side order of henpecked regret.

Dick Gosinya
Dick Gosinya
10 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

Eat some shrooms and get your ego in check. No amount of social shame is worth a $100 dollar beanie, every time you look at it you will be reminded of what a cuck you are and that will further instill the shame.

bitter guy
bitter guy
10 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

fuck that, for $100 you should get a hard seven, sign of a decent labor market though

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
10 years ago

I hate this argument. Yes, everyone is a hypocrite: you, me, Kelly Slater. Him fretting over being one does not absolve him of the impacts inherent to his hypocrisy. Having said that, maybe it’s his Look-at-me-Messianic “activism” or “advocacy” that really most bothers me…

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
10 years ago

Of course I agree. There is no absolution in fretting. That’s why I say don’t fret!

david fffff
david fffff
10 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Nuke the whales!

funky Gibbon
funky Gibbon
10 years ago
Reply to  david fffff

Think of the water displaced by those fuckers! Get rid of the whales and the sea levels drop and saves the world.

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
10 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Yeah, I get that’s what you suggest at the end, but that information, about him fretting, was presented to create sympathy for his predicament, rather than to cast him as merely a snake oil salesman, no?


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