Albee: “Scariest paddle of my life!”

The wave of your dreams? No!

It pains me to think how many perfect setups exist around the world, only to be plagued by incessantly poor winds or extremely rare swell windows. Surfing‘s Jimmy Wilson sought one out this summer during Hurricane Matthew, and I recall Taj Burrow found another in West Oz a few years back.

Well, this thing that Albee Layer and Billy Kemper just tried to surf is the same… but different.

Maui is known for it’s wild wind and massive swells, but this slab is in another stratosphere. With just the right swell, wind, and tide conditions, it became “surfable”.

“Scariest paddle of my life,” says Albee. “Jaws included.”

The wave looks more Australian than Hawaiian. Akin to something Mark Matthews or Russell Bierke or Kerby Brown would tow into.  That Albee, Billy, and friend somewhat successfully paddled into this mutant is beyond logic. Like nominating a climate change denier to lead the EPA. Choosing Filipe for your Teahupo’o Fantasy team.

In short, I have no problem knowing that waves like this are breaking, or not, without me. For the sake of Albee and Billy’s health, I hope it never breaks it again. Albee’s wave was fucked up though.

Opinion: Death to the selfish surfer!

Are you a selfish surfer? Of course you are!

Selfishness and surfing go together like wine and cheese. How many instances of doing something petty or selfish to ensure yourself a better session can you recount? Everything surfers do can fall under the selfish umbrella. I’ve slunk out of the quarters of a beautiful woman in the predawn light just to score some waves instead of hanging around for a morning glory.

The collective egotism of avid surfers welcomes scrutiny. We’re selfish dicks that only want waves untarnished by crowds, peeping eyes and less “qualified” participants. Stay away from the localized spots because they are more entitled to the waves than any would be traveler. Kooks on wave storms don’t deserve spitting barrels at any spot typically dominated by core chargers.

We’re all self-centered, neoprene-covered assholes that spend hours and hours of our lives for a few seconds on a wave. Surfer’s entitlement and self-fulfillment is absolutely ridiculous. We’re not special, we’re not as cool as we’d like to think, and no one outside surfing really gives two shits about what we do. What does one do when a bit of introspection uncovers this painful reality? Do something selfless. Selflessness can set you free from the self-fulfilling lifestyle.

Instagram is the social media epicenter of selfishness. Every selfie, like count, tag and post adds to a person’s ego. I’ve had moments of pride when going over 50 likes on a post. The immediate access to events, information, or world news does up the value of the app.

Two weeks ago, I was flicking through my feed full of bikini clad women, spitting barrels, and Joe Biden meme’s when a post from Scott Bass (@boardroomshow) invited any and all San Diego locals to participate/volunteer for the One Wave One Cause Challenge in La Jolla.

The event was for the local Boys to Men Mentoring Foundation, organized by local legend Bird from Birds Surf Shed, as a fundraising event as well as world record attempt of the most people surfing one wave at one time. The current standing record being 110 people, set in South Africa.

I immediately contacted Scott to partake as a steward/recorder of the attempt. The pre-event meeting was unsurprisingly short staffed but the excitement levels were high. Bird and Scott both emphasized that since the event had already raised $55,000 for Boys to Men, the event was already a success. Achieving the world record would be a cherry on top of the sundae.

Broke up into teams with different colors, my team, Team Pink, consisted of a few locals, a few father-son duos, and some passers by that signed up last minute. I was in charge of organizing and counting each member’s attempt along with the help from two Navy SEALs who aided in keeping our eighteen member strong team together. These humble warriors were some of the nicest people I’d ever worked with. After twelve attempts, the vibes were high, 120+ surfers were in the water, and the smiles were endless.

Everyone involved, including the local legends, pro surfers, groms and weekend wave warriors, took part in something that wasn’t about them. A selfless event that helped people, made history as a group, and was merely for the fun of trying. I spent the event bouncing around from person to person, absorbing everyone’s excitement and experience. I didn’t surf before or after the event.

There was no need to. I felt happiness that was insurmountably better than any session I’d ever had in recent months. The record wasn’t achieved either, narrowly missing the goal of over 110 people.

Having now participated in the One Wave One Cause Challenge, as well as the Surfers Healing event the previous summer, which takes kids with autism surfing, these events will give any surfer a much needed reality check. I’m not here to gloat and boost my own ego by saying that I’m a better person because I selflessly volunteered in these events. I’m still a selfish, 24 year old, average surfer that bitches if the crowd’s a bit too large or if someone in the lineup ruins MY surfing experience. If life truly is about changing, learning and growing, anyone willing to take their head out of their ass and do something for someone else will facilitate that growth.

I’ve found more gratification within our trivial surfing bubble assisting in events that don’t directly benefit myself at all, as opposed to only looking to placate my egocentric needs. Ultimately I encourage everyone to find something selfless to partake in. Teach a relative how to surf, volunteer at an NSSA contest, hand out water at a cancer walk, and pack food for impoverished kids; anything where you work hard for no money or immediate self-satisfaction.

Just give it a try. How’s that for an “anti-depressive” piece for you selfish savages?

Cocaine + Surfing: a love story!

Like Romeo + Juliet except super chatty!

Yesterday, if you had happened to be perusing the Publishers’ Marketplace alongside your morning coffee you would have seen this happy announcement.

And can you even believe? The follow-up to 2014’s eighth best surf book about Oahu’s North Shore gets a sequel!


In truth, this damned thing is why I’ve been such a disaster in every part of my life lately. Books are strange vampires. They suck the very life out. They stay awake at night. They demand, they fuss, they change their minds. They obstinately get in the way of things that really matter and turn invisible in the mirror and die when staked and decapitated. But there’s almost nothing I’d rather be doing than writing one. Oh, I know I know I know publishing is dead and who reads long-form anything anymore and what a waste of time and energy but the heart wants what the heart wants.

I don’t sleep any more, I lose everything, I write garbage here, I can’t focus.

Like a teenager in love!

And what’ll it be about? Duh! But also….. stay tuned!

Trailer: The Leo Fioravanti Movie!

What would you give to be nineteen with the whole world before you?

Have you ever considered the life of Italy’s first professional surfer? It’s more than just barrels, breasts and wine. Maybe!

Leo Fioravanti achieved two childhood dreams this year by qualifying for the CT and giving Slater the ol’ Roman Candle not once but twice! Not bad for a nineteen-year-old Italian kid.

Despite his competitive successes, many have criticized Leo’s road to fame, claiming he’s just a rich Italian kid who was sent around the world and molded into a top athlete. To these people I say two things: 1. You don’t get to choose your socioeconomic standing nor nationality and 2. There is no such thing as molding a top athlete. Glen Hall could have surfed forty hours a week since his third birthday, split his time between the North Shore and Indo, and have been coached by an older, wiser version of himself, and he’d still never be able to crack the top ten. Practice and opportunity make the CT, but natural ability is what separates the Slaters from the Durbidges. In short time we’ll know where Leo falls.

The trailer for Leo’s documentary, Ride to the Roots, is as vague in name as it is in description. From what I gather it will be the story of his life and lineage, which is to say, the story of a rich Italian kid who was sent around the world and molded into a top athlete. Being that he’s nineteen and has had only one major setback in his life, this film will likely not be revolutionary in nature, but rather a nationalistic pat on the back to a surf-starved, pasta-bloated Mediterranean peoples.

If for no other reason, watch because Leo won Surfing Mag‘s Lady Killer award in this year’s Peer Poll. Insert Italian Stallion joke here.

Duh: Titans of Mavericks bankrupts!

Blames sunless tanning!

Bankruptcy is a trendy surf thing right now. Very hip. Mavericks just declared. Lame. Later bros. And I’m busy on something else right now (you’ll see tomorrow!) so I’ll leave you with the San Francisco Chronicle.

The Bay Area big-wave surf competition Titans of Mavericks could be wiped out this year after its organizers filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy Tuesday amid a sell of their assets.

Titans of Mavericks LLC and Cartel Management Inc. filed separate petitions in the U.S. Bankruptcy Court for the Central District of California, but described the action as an effort to “ensure a smooth and swift transition of the business and operations.”

“The brand has seen explosive growth since its creation,” Griffin Guess, Titans of Mavericks founder, said in a press release. “The process will allow Titans of Mavericks to reach new heights in the right hands. It is time for a larger organization to gain from all of our hard work.”

Yet the bankruptcy filing comes after costly legal trouble for Cartel Management. Red Bull Media House North America Inc. filed a lawsuit against Cartel and Titans of Mavericks in the Superior Court of Los Angeles on Friday, just days before the bankruptcy action.

Red Bull Media House sought an unspecified amount in damages after paying Titans of Mavericks $400,000 for the rights to webcast this year’s competition — which hasn’t happened yet — then never receiving a refund after Cartel abruptly terminated the contract.

“After receiving Cartel’s purported termination letter, searching for a rationale for Cartel’s erratic behavior, Plaintiff found that Cartel is beset by financial and legal difficulties,” the suit states.
At the end of October, a jury in the Central District of California found Cartel and Marisa Miller, an international supermodel and wife of Guess, were liable to pay $1 million after breaching a contract with another company, Segler Holdings LLC.

The defendants had apparently violated a promotion deal with Segler Holdings’ Glissin sunless tanning products and salons.

Finish the story here but how good is it that part of the bankruptcy has to do with sunless tanning?

Fucking northern California.