It’s time to touch back on a highly debated topic in the world of surf — board art!
As we all know, painting one’s board is not just a simple artistic expression (like outsiders may believe). Rather, the flavor of one’s foam speaks to the core components of his character, perhaps even his soul.
I’ve taken it upon myself to detail the different types of surfer based on the aesthetics of their sled. Let me know if I missed anyone!
You’re one of three people — 1. the thousand-yard-stare, black-wetsuit-only, fairly-talented-but-never-happy surfer from every local lineup 2. A normal guy who bought a board and didn’t feel like painting it or 3. A total fucking barney with either rich parents or a job in finance.
You’re either Chippa wilson, Dion Agius, or an idiot.
You care deeply about your surfing and work hard to improve it. You want to go fast, and you’ve read enough psychological studies to know that colored rails will allow you to do so, at least from the viewer’s standpoint. You used tape to paint your stick because you wanted it to look professional.
You are loud and proud and don’t give a fuck what other people think. You might be a grom, you might be fifty, but either way you consider yourself the hottest surfer in the water at any given time. Best case scenario, you’re Hector Santamaria. Worst case, you’re not.
You’re old enough to know that painted boards age more gracefully, so you get ‘em glassed heavy and colored to the core. You probably ride a fish or a Mal but that’s ok, because you share poetic connection with the wave. Your ideal surf trip is to Costa Rica.
The fuck-off paint job
Your favorite surfer is Noa Deane, who recently replaced your other favorite surfer Ozzie Wright. Every single picture of you includes either a cigarette, a beer, or a middle finger, but probably all three. You can do a wicked frontside chop hop but not a proper cutback.
The marker masterpiece
You always wanted to be an artist, but you also wanted to pull chicks. As a kid, you surfed by day — thus earning the bleached-blonde hair and cocoa butter tan of a modern-day Cassanova — but spent your nights diddling on a notepad. All your friends beg you to paint their boards.
You’re either religious, a hip-hop enthusiast, or another Noa-Deane-worshipping punk. Stay away from me.
The aged gouda
You know that, in terms of wave riding ability, it’s about the Indian, not the arrow. You prefer surfboard designs from the 1990s and surf exclusively on the back-third of your 6’3 x 17 ¾ Merrick. People secretly envy your roundhouse.
So, under which exaggerated stereotype do you fall? Me at least four!