Fun on demand!
I’ve feeling bad all day after teeing off on dirty fresh wave pool water yesterday. I mean, not “bad” but bad if you can parse the difference because all those poor wave pool inventors and trying their best to bring surf to inland folk fun and good time and surfing and what am I doing? Drinking vodka and teeing off from a coastal enclave like a true unsolicited dick.
Like basically the bad guy of the whole #metoo movement.
And so I spent the day wondering if I was too harsh… or a prophet that should be heeded. “Hark I say unto thee, freshwater is shit and maketh eye infections and/or worse so run to the coast and be therefore cleansed in the salts.”
But of course I don’t “really” really think I’m a prophet which means I was too harsh.
Right?
And so I totally think you should go to surf a tank and enjoy every last second of gorgeous waves on demand but I don’t want to and am not because I realized I love saltwater.
Like really really love saltwater. “Really” really love saltwater and feel that it is more essential to our experience than we previously understood or at least I previously understood.
So yeah, go rip one just don’t take your kids if you have any and don’t take me because I hate them and think they are poison garbage that fucking suck so so so so so bad and worse than ever.
You won’t catch me dead near one and if you do catch me dead near one then I am dead from a brain eating bacteria.
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If pools are so fucked up then why did not one of the top group of pro surfers sponsors stop them from competing in the event , and why has every past legend from gerry lopez to tom curren given it the thumbs up , im like way confused.
Uhhhhh, these guys all ‘make money’ from surfing. It’s hard to bite the hand that feeds you, haven’t seen Lopez or Curren back at the tank…..
I don’t know what is lamer:
Wave pools, or articles about wave pools.
Please stop!!!!
Dying cockroach on acid !
i like your mom. (not that way)
Isn’t it fascinating, every non-surfer I’ve spoken to about the Pool has given it a total thumbs down. “Boring”. “Stupid”. “Weird”. “What’s wrong with the beach?” Etc.
I note the Fed raised interest rates by a quarter of a percent last week. Here comes the end of Free Money. It’s gonna start putting some acid on stupid investments at some point, even without the inevitable Crisis. Wave Pool Sayonara maybe.
ha.. your telling me.. lots to read into those rate numbers and the coming 18-24 months.. novelty investments.. maybe surfing is the plug that gets let loose.. using the WSL/speaker numbers it may cause large ripples.
Artificial surfing is the future. wavepools, electric surfs… Like artificial sex IS the future. Especially in Texas. Look at what I’ve found in the Guardian:
“Houston city officials have ordered at least a temporary halt to a Canadian company’s plan to open a so-called “robot brothel” in the city.”
It already existed in Toronto, though. It’s healthier, safer, cheaper… like a wavepool…
Walter what type of sexual experience can one obtain at a robot brothel ? R2D2 in a (see through ) négligée ?CP30 sucking my toe ? Please enlighten us ?
Well, it sounds less fun that what you thought…
According to the paper, “The concept of the KinkySDollS adult business is similar to a showroom where human-like dolls are erotically displayed and can be rented to be used in private rooms at the location by the hour or half-hour. The dolls are made of synthetic skin materials with highly articulated skeletons.”
I thought of something like Blade runner “replicants”, but it seems like it’s the low cost version. I don’t know if there is a chance to get the clap, though…
Blade Runner . The female character Pris “a basic pleasure model “ replicant was very flexible and like all of us was asking the question “ What does it mean to be alive ? “ .Still frightens and excites me the scene where she does a series of endless backflips before ending on Harrison Ford . Ice T captured it in “ the girl tried to kill me .
“Then she did a backflip,landed on my dick
I knew that I would be dead soon “
Upvote for Blade Runner reference. Not sure I want to know how, why or where the other details were acquired.
Come on! I’ve found this in the Guardian! Who else than the british to spot such an important story?
totally agree Chas, I can’t even really imagine surfing a freshwater wave, sometimes I purposely don’t shower after I surf just to have that salty feeling on me. Saltwater is part of the real surf experience
Quick Google search turned this up–“Sea water health benefits are nearly endless. But, even if it only had a placebo effect on our physique, our brain would still drive us to the beach.
It’s good to your mood, and it will boost your health. The only thing that sea water does not do is hydrate our body. But that is not even a downside compared to the benefits
Sea water can be a natural drug and medicine. It stimulates our body and promotes the feeling of well-being that surfers very well know. If you live by the beach or spend a lot of time in coastal areas, you know how receptive we are to sea-sprayed shores.”
apology accepted?
signed,
fucking wave pools
You know wave pools are the best when the best wont surf in anything but them.
Hey!
What f…k, Jazz!!!
Get drunk again, now!!!
This is kind of how I feel about people from New Jersey.
You’re an octave low.
I sing it how it sounds right to me.
Mea culpa, which means “through my fault” in Latin, comes from a prayer of confession in the Catholic Church.
I miss LongTom.
Me too.
We just fill the gaps ‘tween Longtom posts…
Hardly matey boy, does fishing for compliments count as fishing?
Counts for the basstarded fishing style of blush flush. Articles worth flushing but for the blushing.
The Otto puns are growing deeper. Keep em coming! Up the swellians, by the way. Those guys seem surprisingly lively for insiders,
Not following what you mean. swellians?
Aint that Swell podcast. They show that post production can be improv’s friend. Hijinx ensue.
Up the fucking the Swellians!
That’s what she said.
I got really excited when I realized that a contest waiting period starts soon. Because it means LT will be back!
thanks, trying to write something now, but I’m in the weirdest and worst Xan haze ever.
Are you a soundcloud rapper?
does this mean, gasp, we get nothing between Pipe and Snapper? Cuz you’ve got us on the junk, fuck your Xanax.
Sheesh, why oh why?
mate who is a prosthetist said it was a good idea.
fuck I hope that crusty young mat rider hasn’t affected your inspiration , I think he tried to dunk her when you can just grab em by the pussy…but you would have to move to the USA , as I think Dunking and pussy grabbing are a new national sport there!
is Xan a new chineese herbal relief?
Where’s the Carcus piece?
oh godddd that would ruin me. i’d never write a word, i feel.
MORE JEN SEE!