“Absolutely pathetic..."
We surfers are natural born complainers or we real surfers. Everything can always be better, either lots or slightly, and this is part of what gives us our patented disposition, beautifully described as “grumpy” by our current Waterperson of the Year and owner of professional surfing Dirk Ziff.
You would be forgiven for thinking that “grumpy” and BeachGrit’s anti-depressive ethos are mutually exclusive but that is one of the many, unfathomable mysteries of this glorious pastime. Wrapped in neoprene and dipped in salt water, they become one and the same.
Well, our sisters and brothers in north Florida have many reasons to complain. Surfer the Bar, there in Jacksonville, is getting sued for playing unauthorized music and the region is experiencing the longest flat spell in history, to name but two.
The Florida-Times Union reports:
“The worst flat spell ever,” said Eddie Pitts, who runs 911surfreport.com, a local website.
“Absolutely pathetic,” said Bill Longnecker, who’s been surfing since 1960 and giving a daily telephone report — (904) 241-0933 — since 1984.
Since the second half of May, the surf has been nonexistent to marginally minimal, and people are getting grouchy.
“It’s like the first topic of conversation when you run into somebody who surfs,” said Matt Shaw, editor-in-chief at Void, a Northeast Florida culture and lifestyle magazine with its own surf report (voidlive.com).
Shaw tries to plan his life and work around the swells and the tides, making sure he has the right board to suit the conditions.
“Now just everything’s thrown up in the air,” he said. “I’ve got a shed full of boards, different sizes. I never felt it was superfluous to have so many surfboards. Now it’s like, do we even use these here?”
Brothers Pitts, Longnecker and Shaw each have the right attitude. Despair, existential dread, a profound malaise that, hopefully, seeps right into home and work lives. But their glass empty is our glass full.
Orange County, California has been fun. It appears as if Australia’s Gold Coast has too. The World Surf League’s President of Content, Media and Etc. has even been bagging drainers in Manhattan Beach.

I imagine even your home break, wherever it may be, has seen some surf-able days.*
But their glass half empty still contains some measure of good. Our north Florida brothers and sisters don’t have to worry about those dreaded waves of change plaguing the business world.
*North Florida excluded.
this is all you need to see
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
they had a guy wearing boardshorts over the wetsuit on Kook of the Day today, I am sure it was the same fuckface
Mothertrunker.
Jersey pretty awful as well since early June… a little teaser of a decent summer day yesterday… other than that. might as well be North Florida… probably hotter too…
Yes, grumpy indeed.
is he also wearing sandals with the wetsuit on?
I called that number a gazillion times in the mid to late 80’s
nope. further up the east coast, no surf either in almost 8 weeks. might be something today though.
I have seen some horrible footage doing the rounds on social media, kook of the day etc. It looks like “surf” holocaust.
It’s like Eskimos complaining about ice.
379 likes.
bullshit.
Thanks for recap was going to watch but don’t need to!! Love their wetties
Just got two myself! Very pleased so far. Low-key looks and quick-drying.
where I`m from its usually just straight
Kelly Slater is the poster boy for overpaid white trash. The waves of his home are very symbolic of his broken, divorced home with his fatass Mom and money grubbing brother with a triceratop hairline. Kelly’s baldness is a sign of white trash as well. Dude needs to stay home and face reality, stop exploiting generous rich people and their kids.
Do “daily telephone reports” still exist in this day and age? Thats weird. I wonder what its revenue stream looks like. Is Florida that far behind the rest of the world? Please explain.
Florida is a very special place
“Take a big step back Florida and literally fuck your own face,” to paraphrase you Les.
Very special in a ‘Simple Jack’ kinda way . . .
I`m always thinking to myself: “If it was just a foot bigger…” – Every. Single. Session.
& an inch longer?
that`s actually the missus` wishes
A few hundred miles north of North Florida and we’re even flatter. I don’t consider myself a surfer anymore, as to surf requires waves and we stopped getting them. Used to at least get winter NorthEast swells from cold fronts moving out of the Great Lakes, but with climate change, those have stopped, too. But glass full: if you’re under 2 foot tall, it’s a really safe place to learn to belly ride. For those of you complaining that it’s “only” chest high, or a bit windblown, fuck you. Your punishment is having to reread the Matt George piece 10 times in a row before you’re allowed to paddle out again.
Kenny Powers would be all over that flat spell.
But where are the details of the unauthorized music at the surfer bar?
https://www.google.com/amp/…
I’ve defended one of these cases for a much more mom and pop business operator than surfer and its corporate owner…them bitches are going to pay through the teeth if they don’t get lucky or hire a hell of a negotiating attorney. Fuck ’em ripping off artists.
The ridiculous thing is that the monthly cost for playing authorized music to ASCAP is peanuts.
First day of surf(minor) in at least 5 weeks in NJ, if you live in a place that actually gets rideable surf, enjoy it,