Glass half empty/Glass half full.
Glass half empty/Glass half full.

Glass half empty/full: Worst flat spell in history plagues north Florida!

“Absolutely pathetic..."

We surfers are natural born complainers or we real surfers. Everything can always be better, either lots or slightly, and this is part of what gives us our patented disposition, beautifully described as “grumpy” by our current Waterperson of the Year and owner of professional surfing Dirk Ziff.

You would be forgiven for thinking that “grumpy” and BeachGrit’s anti-depressive ethos are mutually exclusive but that is one of the many, unfathomable mysteries of this glorious pastime. Wrapped in neoprene and dipped in salt water, they become one and the same.

Well, our sisters and brothers in north Florida have many reasons to complain. Surfer the Bar, there in Jacksonville, is getting sued for playing unauthorized music and the region is experiencing the longest flat spell in history, to name but two.

The Florida-Times Union reports:

“The worst flat spell ever,” said Eddie Pitts, who runs 911surfreport.com, a local website.

“Absolutely pathetic,” said Bill Longnecker, who’s been surfing since 1960 and giving a daily telephone report — (904) 241-0933 — since 1984.

Since the second half of May, the surf has been nonexistent to marginally minimal, and people are getting grouchy.

“It’s like the first topic of conversation when you run into somebody who surfs,” said Matt Shaw, editor-in-chief at Void, a Northeast Florida culture and lifestyle magazine with its own surf report (voidlive.com).

Shaw tries to plan his life and work around the swells and the tides, making sure he has the right board to suit the conditions.

“Now just everything’s thrown up in the air,” he said. “I’ve got a shed full of boards, different sizes. I never felt it was superfluous to have so many surfboards. Now it’s like, do we even use these here?”

Brothers Pitts, Longnecker and Shaw each have the right attitude. Despair, existential dread, a profound malaise that, hopefully, seeps right into home and work lives. But their glass empty is our glass full.

Orange County, California has been fun. It appears as if Australia’s Gold Coast has too. The World Surf League’s President of Content, Media and Etc. has even been bagging drainers in Manhattan Beach.

I imagine even your home break, wherever it may be, has seen some surf-able days.*

But their glass half empty still contains some measure of good. Our north Florida brothers and sisters don’t have to worry about those dreaded waves of change plaguing the business world.

*North Florida excluded.

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grumpy local
grumpy local
7 years ago

this is all you need to see

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Les Grossman
Les Grossman
7 years ago

they had a guy wearing boardshorts over the wetsuit on Kook of the Day today, I am sure it was the same fuckface

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
7 years ago

Mothertrunker.

Keith Grace
Keith Grace
7 years ago

Jersey pretty awful as well since early June… a little teaser of a decent summer day yesterday… other than that. might as well be North Florida… probably hotter too…

Huckleberry
Huckleberry
7 years ago

Yes, grumpy indeed.

Les Grossman
Les Grossman
7 years ago

is he also wearing sandals with the wetsuit on?

Shamus Beaglehole
Shamus Beaglehole
7 years ago

I called that number a gazillion times in the mid to late 80’s

Shamus Beaglehole
Shamus Beaglehole
7 years ago

nope. further up the east coast, no surf either in almost 8 weeks. might be something today though.

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
7 years ago

I have seen some horrible footage doing the rounds on social media, kook of the day etc. It looks like “surf” holocaust.

Numbnuts
Numbnuts
7 years ago

It’s like Eskimos complaining about ice.

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago

379 likes.
bullshit.

Tom
Tom
7 years ago

Thanks for recap was going to watch but don’t need to!! Love their wetties

grumpy local
grumpy local
7 years ago
Reply to  Tom

Just got two myself! Very pleased so far. Low-key looks and quick-drying.

Les Grossman
Les Grossman
7 years ago

where I`m from its usually just straight

Padre Fan81
Padre Fan81
7 years ago

Kelly Slater is the poster boy for overpaid white trash. The waves of his home are very symbolic of his broken, divorced home with his fatass Mom and money grubbing brother with a triceratop hairline. Kelly’s baldness is a sign of white trash as well. Dude needs to stay home and face reality, stop exploiting generous rich people and their kids.

John Wayne
John Wayne
7 years ago

Do “daily telephone reports” still exist in this day and age? Thats weird. I wonder what its revenue stream looks like. Is Florida that far behind the rest of the world? Please explain.

Les Grossman
Les Grossman
7 years ago
Reply to  John Wayne

Florida is a very special place

Christian S. Molnar
Christian S. Molnar
7 years ago
Reply to  Les Grossman

“Take a big step back Florida and literally fuck your own face,” to paraphrase you Les.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
7 years ago
Reply to  Les Grossman

Very special in a ‘Simple Jack’ kinda way . . .

Les Grossman
Les Grossman
7 years ago

I`m always thinking to myself: “If it was just a foot bigger…” – Every. Single. Session.

The MHL Buoy
The MHL Buoy
7 years ago
Reply to  Les Grossman

& an inch longer?

Les Grossman
Les Grossman
7 years ago
Reply to  The MHL Buoy

that`s actually the missus` wishes

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
7 years ago

A few hundred miles north of North Florida and we’re even flatter. I don’t consider myself a surfer anymore, as to surf requires waves and we stopped getting them. Used to at least get winter NorthEast swells from cold fronts moving out of the Great Lakes, but with climate change, those have stopped, too. But glass full: if you’re under 2 foot tall, it’s a really safe place to learn to belly ride. For those of you complaining that it’s “only” chest high, or a bit windblown, fuck you. Your punishment is having to reread the Matt George piece 10 times in a row before you’re allowed to paddle out again.

Dick Simmons
Dick Simmons
7 years ago

Kenny Powers would be all over that flat spell.

Old Kook
Old Kook
7 years ago

But where are the details of the unauthorized music at the surfer bar?

Preston
Preston
7 years ago
Reply to  Old Kook
Christian S. Molnar
Christian S. Molnar
7 years ago
Reply to  Old Kook

I’ve defended one of these cases for a much more mom and pop business operator than surfer and its corporate owner…them bitches are going to pay through the teeth if they don’t get lucky or hire a hell of a negotiating attorney. Fuck ’em ripping off artists.

Christian S. Molnar
Christian S. Molnar
7 years ago

The ridiculous thing is that the monthly cost for playing authorized music to ASCAP is peanuts.

mundus
mundus
7 years ago

First day of surf(minor) in at least 5 weeks in NJ, if you live in a place that actually gets rideable surf, enjoy it,


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