Revealed: Flowrider not to blame for “janky” tsunami surf scene in Escape from L.A. but rather damned skateboarders Tony Hawk and Chris Miller!

They wreck everything.

Skateboarding has been a little bastard since surfing pushed him out of the womb in those halcyon Southern California post-war years. Imagine how much better off we’d be without those four wheels and a deck of sin. Imagine how much happier.

We’d be able to name our grabs and airs for one. Instead of “method” and “melon” etc. we could use the more sensible “spinny” and “twirly.”

Also, Escape from L.A.’s tsunami surfing scene would be a cinematic high water mark, if you’ll excuse the pun.

Two days ago, we heard from computer graphics supervisor David Jones who was inspired by the newly invented Tom Lochetefeld Flowrider.

“I’d seen reference to a standing wave surf park in Texas. You see them on cruise ships now where you blast water up a wave shaped thing and you can surf by basically standing in the middle of the curve and the water’s rushing under you so it’s supporting the board. The first of these had just opened in Texas and got on the nightly news. I said, ‘Oh, it’s no problem, chaps. We’ll just go down to Texas, put green screens up behind the standing wave and shoot it there and then we can comp it in. It’ll be marvelous.’”

Well, as the story continues, “That’s what we did. The thing that I could’ve taken into account is back then it was very, very difficult to stand up and surf on those things. Professional surfers couldn’t do it. Only the guys that worked at the Texas place could do it. They looked janky. It did look janky.”

As revealed just last evening via secret email, however, the Flowrider was not to blame but rather the stunt doubles surfing the Flowrider.

Who were they?

Professional skateboarders Tony Hawk and Chris Miller.

Of course it looked janky. Skateboarders don’t understand fluid dynamics at all. They don’t understand much of anything else either, as it goes.

Hawk is currently teaching a “master class” on tricks etc.

Not recommended.