Listen: Come ye weary travelers, grumpy locals, and rediscover the fountain of youth in the form of a highly addictive talc-like powder!

A love story.

David Lee Scales and I recorded another podcast yesterday morning. It felt, to me, like we had recorded one the day before that and the day before that as well. A non-stop, one-after-another, unbroken string blurring right into each other like a Kelly Slater produced Bad Religion song (read here).

These days, man. Flying. Going by so fast, too fast, and I wondered, out loud, at the beginning of the show, if our perception of time is not tied directly to our tastes.

To wit, at this point in my life my favorite foods, in order, are: 1) anchovies 2) whiskey 3) vodka 4) blue cheese 5) horseradish.

When I was a child, though, time moved so slowly. A summer would last a seeming three years. The school year a full thirty.

And when I was a child my favorite foods, in order, were: 1) Corn Pops 2) Lik-m-aid Fun Dip 3) Toaster Strudel 4) Eggo Waffles 5) Funyuns.

Time passage, or the perception thereof, must be tied to taste, no?

The fountain of youth a highly addictive talc-like powder licked off a stick not gross stink?

David Lee and I also discussed The People’s™ sponsorship of Caio Ibelli and I can’t remember.

Fun Dip time.

Listen here now or later.*

*Now n’ Laters were, and are, gross.


@sensitiveseashellcollector
@sensitiveseashellcollector

Revealed: World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater credited with massive success of melodic hardcore band Bad Religion!

All-powerful.

Any surfer, worth her salt, will certainly remember the importance place that punk, and punk-adjacent, music occupied in our glorious pastime during the 1990s into the 2000s. A surf movie was not a surf movie unless it featured Pennywise, Lagwagon, Unwritten Law etc. and what a wonderful epoch.

I always assumed that the music elevated the surfing but it has been revealed, in the recently-esque published Do What You Want: The Story of Bad Religion, that the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater is responsible for the very popular melodic hardcore band’s success.

Lead guitarist Brett Gurewitz recalls sitting in his office trying to figure out how to expand the fanbase when his phone rang, Slater on the other end of the line.

Slater: Hey, is this Brett?

Brett: Yeah.

Slater: My name is Kelly Slater and I’m a professional surfer.

Brett: I know who you are.

Slater: I’m putting out a surf video that I’m going to sell at skate and surf shops. How much would it cost to put your music in it?

Brett: It won’t cost you anything.

Slater: Really?

Brett: Put as much of my music in your video as you want for free. I would be stoked!

Slater did and the rest, as they say, is history with Bad Religion going on to stratospheric fame, headlining festivals, selling out auditoriums, etc. and all thanks to a little boy with big dreams from Cocoa Beach, Florida.

And Paul Roach.

Heart-warming.


Silver Surfer: Underwater toxic waste dump “two times the size of Manhattan” discovered off the coast of Los Angeles!

Hearty.

Southern California surfers are not typically known for their heartiness, but all that radically changed days ago when researchers from Scripps Institute of Oceanography at U.C. San Diego discovered a toxic waste dump over two-times the size of Manhattan off the coast of Los Angeles.

The territory covered was “staggering” according to Eric Terrill, the chief scientist of the expedition. “It really was a surprise to everybody who’s worked with the data and who sailed at sea.”

It has long been known that the basin between L.A. and Catalina Island had been a dumping ground for dangerous chemicals such as DDT for decades, The Los Angeles Times had records of the Montrose Chemical Corp. dumping DDT-laced sludge from 1947 to 1961, and a few barrels had been spotted on the ocean floor ten years ago but the over 27,000 barrels just discovered was completely shocking.

Many appear to be damaged and leaking.

Scripps chemical oceanographer and professor of geosciences Lihini Aluwihare, who co-authored a 2015 study that found high amounts of DDT and other man-made chemicals in the blubber of bottlenose dolphins that died of natural causes.

“These results also raise questions about the continued exposure and potential impacts on marine mammal health, especially in light of how DDT has been shown to have multi-generational impacts in humans,” she said.

Another study has just shown that over 25% of California’s sea lions have cancer, which is typically extremely rare in the wild.

Will these ugly findings deter Southern California surfers?

I think not.

The heartiest.

Take that Atlantic Northeast.


Owen Wright, his wife Kita Alexander and Tyler after T's win at the 2016 Roxy Pro. Much happiness but unbeknownst to the power trio, money was being siphoned out of their accounts, $1.4 mill from O and T.

Champion surfer Owen Wright revealed as major victim of alleged accounting fraud, losing a staggering $818,642 over eight years as he recovered from almost fatal brain injury!

From 2012 until 2020, police allege Shane Maree Hatton stole $818,642.80 from Owen, transferring his cash to herself in 334 transactions ranging from $27.65 to $4668.

Court documents have shown the extent of an alleged fraud waged over eight years by the bookkeeper of the famous Wright family, with Owen being stiffed for almost a million bucks as he struggled to overcome a mysterious brain injury.

From 2012 until 2020, police allege Shane Maree Hatton stole $818,642.80 from Owen, transferring his cash to herself in 334 transactions ranging from $27.65 to $4668.

Tyler was hit for $586,805.07, in 295 transactions ranging from $21 to $4675.

Mikey copped $151,201.23 in 63 transactions ranging from $40 to $3538.55.

Their mum and Dad, Rob and Fiona, lost $81,025.29.

Police claim Hatton, who was a family friend of the Wrights as well as bookkeeper for the dad’s plumbing biz and for the kids’ surf multi-million dollar sponsor gravy, has indicated she was responsible for the fraud. 

“The defendant did make admissions to the offences,” police allege in the bail acknowledgment document tendered to the court. “Police have records of all transactions and the accused has shown remorse towards the victims after the commission of the (alleged) offences.”

The records were presented to the court in a swollen paper ream box containing more than fifteen hundred pages. 

Police say there is little chance of the money being recovered, however.

Three quarters of the $1.6 mill was put into the pokies, although three hundred k of it, say the police, “was wasted.”

Back to court for Hatton on June 21. 


The old TB residence overlooking Maccas.

World number two surfer Taj Burrow capitalises on ultra-hot Sydney property market, quietly sells beachfront pied-å-terre he’s owned for only seven years at whopping $1.6 million profit!

Gotta know when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em. And a bear always follows a bull… 

In a secret off-market deal, the two-time runner-up to the world surfing title and, for a time, the tour’s perennial number four, Taj Burrow, has sold his beachfront villa in Mackenzies Bay, Sydney, for $3.94 million, a lil more than the $2.3 he paid in 2014.

It ain’t a bad play.

House prices in Sydney have gone beyond anything experienced historically, almost doubling in TB’s case in less than a decade.

And, a bear always follows a bull.

The joint is a top-floor three-bedroom duplex circa 1950s that overlooks the area’s best wave, an imperfect left off the northern headland at low-tide and a squishy little rip bowl right near the shore at high tide.

Taj knows real estate.

He’s been buying hunks his whole career. He knows it as a wonderful store of value. His Mackenzies Bay three-bedder, with garage, last traded at $493,000 in 1988 and $185,000 in 1986. The investment banker owner, David Sutherland, had tried to offload it in 2010 for two-and-a-half mill but didn’t get any bites.

Taj scooped it up four years later for 200 gees less. Smart buy? Of course.

He then rented it at $1500 per week.

Taj’s latest buy is the eleven acres of bucolic loveliness fifteen minutes from Yallingup’s white-sand beaches and unforgiving reefs. he swooped on in his home town, Yallingup, an area still undervalued in comparison to the rest of the country, I think.

The property, bought in November for a million dollars, was marketed as the “perfect blank canvas for your new dream home.” 

Burrow’s principal residence, of course, is the award-winning “nautilus shell” house in Wardanup Crescent, Yalls, aka “millionaire’s row” by architect Dane Richardson. The property was bought for two-milll in 2004 and the new place was built in 2011, winning the overall Design Excellence Award at the 2012 Building Designers Australia WA.

Neighbours still recall, fondly, the demolition of the old place.

“He had a pretty nice place before, but he knocked that one down. He had a demolition party and everyone came around with sledgehammers and knocked the walls down,” neighbour Candice McKiernan said.