Explosive!
In an explosive new development, many-time World Champion and artificial wave technology pioneer Kelly Slater has floated hosting surfing in the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics at his Central Valley Surf Ranch.
The question was floated to him during the junior national championships at Lowers earlier in the week by a Los Angeles Times’ reporter. His response, “Hmm. I didn’t think about that,” led to an introspective spitball about what might work best.
“I think by then we’ll have other designs. Maybe something a little shorter, maybe a 20-second ride would be optimum because you could push as hard as you want and have enough variety in the maneuvers,” before ending with “It’s something that could be done. You’ve got my brain thinking it over.”
But can you imagine surfers from around the world coming to Los Angeles in seven short years, driving up to the Tachi Palace, taking a few practice runs each, maybe, then going for gold?
The world’s best surf journalist recently opened up about his feelings on Kelly Slater’s eponymous wave technology, writing, “The only thing I felt like killing after (watching) Surf Ranch was myself. It made me realise though, that I really and truly wanted no part of Kelly’s power-hungry, water-wasting machine wave. In fact, you’d have to pay me to go there and surf it.”
What would an Olympics at the tub do to surfing?
What would it do to Longtom?
More as the story develops.
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Is there a difference between surf journalist and surf writer?
The most boring venue on the WSL tour, followed by Brazil.
If the WSL keeps selecting the same gutless, boring waves then it’s time another league started picking world class waves to select the best surfer in the world. Sadly the WSL invested in the wave pool so they will keep it as a venue.
I get a tub if land locked or as a backup if flat, but surfing should be done in the ocean.
Can you put that on a billboard by the surf ranch?
..and of course
Was going to make a comment about how the tub is the perfect fit for something as dull as the Olympics, but then I remembered that Chopes is on the menu for Paris 2024.
I’m really hoping it will be flat. The last thing we need is more dorks starting surfing
Preach!! Go to Lamemore EVERY time! It’s perfect! Rick Kane Championships are perfect, I say!
Hopefully they start breakdancing instead.
Or mountain biking or rock climbing, or skateboarding etc
Visiting gay fuk clubs.
It’s cool and very hot.!!!
Roller Hockey didn’t really take off after appearing at Barcelona. We will be fine.
Alla akbar, god willing I will make this barrel
Whatever
He would’ve been planning this since the Japanese turned down having an Olympic wavepool…
“You’ve got my brain thinking it over.”
No Kelly.
Like your pond, tis but an illusion.
“Hmm, I hadn’t thought of that,” says Kelly as he presses a non descript button built into his office desk. Behind him, the far wall spins around to reveal a scale model of his pool with the Olympic Rings hanging from the ceiling and a sign that says ‘Lemoore in 2028: Why it Works.’ Next to the scale pool is a miniature podium with a small dark bald figure standing in first place.
“But I guess it could.”
Perfect
Yep, he hadn’t thought about that.
I know I’m not alone but I’d rather see Olympic surfers navigate head high close outs at El Porto or Zuma than the same ol’ shit at the Tub. Unfortunately it’s probably either gonna be Huntington or the Tub.
MALIBU OR BUST
An image of rocks grinding around in Kelly’s domed nut is an Insta-meme !
How will he out-manoeuvre the evil Fernando who sunk WSL hopes for a pool comp at Tokyo ?
How will he take his place in 2028 ?
A giant clash of cuntards coming up !
I predict the Ranch will be 5 years defunct by then
Just bc you’re to cant afford to go to Disneyland doesn’t mean its gonna close its doors.
Hi Kelly!